Sunday, October 3, 2010

Endhiran...Nan Enna Ninai-keerendal


I won't lie. I was definitely excited today. It started to seep in this morning when I had ordered the tickets online. And it only grew more intense 30 minutes later when I saw that all shows for the day were sold out. I figured I should get there at least an hour early to get good seatings. So I did. There was a line up as I had suspected. We didn't had to wait too long however, maybe 15..... maybe 20 minutes. Then there was an almost stampede like race for the coveted seats. I would we got pretty decent seats. Not the best however thanks to this guy next to us who decided to save seven seats for his tardy friends. Oh well. No point in stressing, the point was ....we had good seats...and we were about to watch thalaivar's movie.....

Shalini's review
 (not a crazy fan, not a hater either...a fairly normal person's review)


...................................coming soon ya

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Another night....Another feeling...


So I saw the poster yesterday. Endhiran is being released worldwide this weekend, well September 30th to be exact It will be running all over Toronto. I'd probably catch it at Scarborough Town Centre, but it's running at Albion and Gerrard Cinema.....,also at Eglinton Town Centre and Scarborough Town Centre, and some next theatre in Mississauga that I never heard of, and of course never been just cause I never step inside that side of the country.

This is exciting times. Yes definitely. I love me a good Superstar movie. I didn't like Sivaji as much. Had it been sans Shriya maybe I would have...but her being paired up with Rajini was the most horrible decision of modern day Tamil cinema, and the 2nd worse mistake? the side swept hairstyle of Rajini!

Aishwarya will be different with Rajini I am sure. She looks older now. Sad, but true. So she will be a better match for Raijin, and besides...she can act unlike other actresses that shall go nameless here......beep......


I was skeptical when I saw the initial trailer...not another computer generated graphic overload please, I prayed! Well apparently it's not. It's actual special effects closely in line with Hollywood movies. So they say, and so I hope. Either way it will still be a treat to watch Thalaivar's movie. lol....now I definitely sound like a crazed fan.

In other News,

I was literally shocked to hear that Sivakarthikeyan got married last month. I KNOW! I had no idea. I was still hoping he'd get hooked up with tv actress Aishwarya that gave him good competition in Boys Vs. Girls! Oh well. I'm still excited. Vijay Tv will air their wedding details coming Sunday on "Namma Veedu Kalyanam".........YAY! It's going to be great, can't wait.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Irandu Manam Vendum

It's that look that knots my stomach. What does it mean? I have longed for it at times, searched for it at times, and even caught it many times. Sometimes I held onto it a second too long. There was definitely something to say at that point. Yet no words were exchanged. Does it just come my way, or am I fueling my imagination. Then there was that hand shake to say farewell held too long,  a shared promise of an end to what could have been.  The fingers that slipped passed one another might have known the truth. I wondered what they didn't tell me.

Why the intense look friend? Even if I look,.... why do you look back? I know you see through me. You see my weakness. This has become a game. 2 players, a card deck and no hand to play. I may be the fool at the end who had believed his eyes ---- but that's okay, 'cause the truth is still held hostage inside the look. I might never know...... Maybe that's why you said "Don't worry, I know" .......... 


...........என்னோடு நீ வந்தால் என்ன?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I *heart you!

'I *heart You' by Shalini Murugiah

It takes a Moment...

When the stars are shining bright above  me  and the cool, night wind blows past every inch of my presence I think to myself 'what a world - what a bitter sweet world'. I stand there for a second,, maybe longer. The sky is filled with glittering droplets and the moon is falling asleep, ready to fade into the skies. I now have to lean against my car. Take a deep breath Shalini - I tell myself. This is your world.

The two minutes that I manage to capture in my heart between me getting out of my car and me entering my house, it is only me, the night sky, the stars, the cool wind and the whispering of branches and leaves. It's easy to get lost in that world, that's why a deep breath is always in order. It brings me back to my real world. A house to walk into. A family waiting....

Monday, July 26, 2010

If I Can Write in Tamil, What Will I Write?!

And if you can read it in my Tamil, will you read it?

வண்ணகம். என்னுடைய பயர் ஷாலினி. இல்லை அது பிள்ளை. என் பயேர் சாலினி. அஹ்ஹா, இது தன சரி. என்னக்கு  இப்ப வையசு 27. இந்த ரெண்டும் தன உண்மை. அத விட என் வாழ்க்கையை பற்றி சொல்ல என்னக்கு தெரிய. இது வரை நானும் அந்த மற்ற  உண்மைஹளை தேடி கொண்டு இருகிறேன். இதுவரை கிடைக்கவில்லை. தேடி தேடி வைச்சு பொன்னது தன மிச்சம்.

வாழ்கை என்றல் என்ன? அதில் என் இதனை குள்ளபோம். என் சில்லர் வந்து எங்களை ஜோசிக்க வைகிறார்கள். அனல் சில்லரி எங்களை அல்ல வைகிர்ரர்கள். என் வந்து வந்து பொற்றார்கள். ஒருதிறம் நிரந்தரம் இல்லையா? இது ஒரு கேள்வி.

நன் யார் . அவன் யார். இவை யார். ஏன் இந்தனை மற்றம் ஒரு சின்ன இதையத்தில்? ஒரு திசையில் போவம் என்றல், ஏன் இவ்வளவு மற்றம். யார் இதை மற்றுரர்கள்? நன் இல்லை. அது நிச்சியம்.

என்னக்கு இந்த தமிழா எழுதிறது கொஞ்ச கஷ்டமா இருக்கிறது, ஒரு பிரேக் எடுத்து இடு வாரேன். இதை பார்த்தாழ் Kumudham இல்ல இருக்கிற தமிழ் பொல்லா இருக்கு. கொஞ்சம் இங்கிலீஷ் கலர்த தமிழ்.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

An Open Letter to

VijayTv's Univercell Vijay Awards! 2010

Dear VijayTv.

My name is Shalini Murugiah from Canada and I love Tamil movies (and India, southIndia that is). My fascination of India and its Tamil people comes directly from Tamil movies. Yes, I am fully aware it could be distorted. I don't know which the real India is. Is it the NanKadvul India, or is it the Varusham 16 India. Maybe it's the Chennai 28 India. But most probably it's the Angedi Theru India. I really wish it was the Varusham 16 India though. Whatever India it might be, I am still fascinated and have regrets of not being born a Tamilnadu Indian. Of course it would have had to be a Chennai, Tamilnadu upper class (by that I mean wealthy) Indian who is the love interest of Sivakarthikeyan from VijayTv (ha). Well, this is not important to my letter anyways. Just wanted you to have a general idea of who I am (and who I might have wanted to be).

I guess you can call me an ardent fan of your television channel. Only last month did my household decide to pay for regular service through Rogers (I hate Rogers by the way. They're our cable service providers. Just thought you might want to know.) Up until that point we had bought dvd's from our local Priya's Sumpermarket in Markham and regularly watched SuperSinger, SuperSingerJunior, BoysVsGirls I and II, KanakanumKagalangal, and PalleekattuPatanam. We have and continue to enjoy many of the shows you have produced over the years, occasionally complaining about shabby quality and even worse hosting (or compere as you'd like to call it there) by some of your talents  but liking it very much nonetheless.

Recently, well just this Monday and Tuesday, I've had the privilege of watching Vijay Awards 2010. Or should I say Univercell Vijay Awards 2010 as you are very keen and persistent on mentioning your loyal sponsors repetitively. This show has been something your channel was advertising (as every other show on your channel, another letter for another time) for the last month or so. The internet was already abuzz with the winners of this award long before, so I was already in the know. It wasn't a surprise when the winners came up. Like I said earlier, it was still a privilege watching the show as it was new and exciting for Tamil television. It was well organized and well executed. And did I mention I love Gopinath? Not in the Sivakarthikeyan way, but in a ' oh my --- he is so talented' kinda way. It was a splendid show, and treat to the eyes to see all the actors under one roof. I just wish Ajith/Shalini, Rajini, Vikram, Trisha, Shreya, Asin, Nadiya, Radhika, Jeeva, Karthik, Maniratnam, Simbu, Nayanthara, Prabudeva, Dhanush had all come. Oh well, I'm sure you would have invited them. They probably declined due to their busy schedule. Maybe next year? Papom eh?

So here is where I start picking the bones. It's an expression used in the western world just in case you didn't know. I really really believe you have a good thing here. Having grown up watching the Oscars and Emmy's it's only natural my expectations are high. But I do strongly believe you can meet these expectations next year. Therefore I put forward some very constructive criticisms. Hopefully, you will be open minded to accept them. It's only for your good.

So here are my suggestions.

1. Please invest in air-conditioning. Or find a venue where there is air-conditioning. It was unbearable to watch the stars sweating, and wiping their foreheads with their handkerchief. If you can spend thousands of rupees to put on a show, at least show some class. It looks very very very 'padikadu' to see people sweating in litres. The ladies were sorta fine. I believe they had waterproof makeup. But the guys --- no no. Please do something.

2. Have a formal dress-code? The only item missing from the wardrobe department is the 'lungi' or 'saram as we'd say. You guys there have access to television right? You've watched the Oscars right? I know it's not fair to ask our stars to be dressed by the top designers like Channel, Dolce&Gabbana or even Gucci. But they don't even have to. Just wear a damn tuxedo that is for once fitted! And ladies, if the dresses aren't working for you, just wear a beautiful saree. An example of elegance and class at this function was Sneha. She was just radiating and so beautiful in her yellow saree. Please seek her advise.

3. Gopinath -- this is a personal message to you. I do love you. I think you are so damn witty, and I simply love your articulation and speeches. Yet, I have to say this. I hope you accept it with an open heart. When you dress in a suit wearing a shirt underneath is great and all. But please PLEASE keep the collar inside the coat. DO NOT in any circumstance bring it over your coat. That is so 1998! You will look that much sharper if you just make it a point to keep it inside your coat. I promise. I remember in an interview a few years back when Suriya had said his fans had advised him to leave his shirt out more often. Due to him being short, tugging in the shirt just emphasized this even more he said. And he actually took their advise. I hope you will take this advise from this unknown fan half way across the world.

4. VijayTv --- back to you again --- decorate the seating area as nicely as the stage. Perhaps hire an event coordinator? someone familiar with decor? Start with nice tableclothes, and chaircovers. And don't forget beautiful centerpieces. Maybe have better lighting. I know you probably rented the biggest open arena there is in Tamilnadu, so you can make the most for your bucks, but come on..... Setting a standard and being classy speaks much more volume. If you want to make VijayAwards a serious business, and earn prestige, spend some money on these areas. And while you are at it, please ask that all men get a neat haircut and groom themselves before they come. What's with the unkempt beard? and mushroom hair? I'm no hater for facial hair, in fact, I strongly believe that's what can make or break a man. So I do embrace facial hair, just not the dirty ones. Quick question....do they have styling gel in India? I hope so.

5. What's with the editing of the show? Why not show the actual nominees during the announcing of their nominations. Maybe this is not your problem. But I would still like to know still. How come most of the actors, directors, produces look so angry? It's as though you have forced them to come. I find that very appalling. How rude. Is it because you guys are catching these guys at the wrong time on video? Why not catch them on their lighter moments, when they are actually smiling, laughing or interacting with one another. Again, Sneha was good in this department. So was Arya.

6. Oh, not to forget your backgroun dancers. Why do you insist the male dancer's outfits are made with the silkiest material? This does not make good television. Please pay for better fabric and make them good outfits. They are great dancers, make them look good too!

7. For now this is the last......when you invite guests to come announce the nominees and winners, ask them to walk with each other. The worst example for this was when Meenakshi and some comedian guy (dont know his name) walked on to the stage to present the best comedy award. I know guys in India are generally not chivalrous but to see it being played out so blatantly on screen. URGH! the humanity of it was just unbearable. Was he so shy? that he must walk 3 meteres in front of her? I dont know. But do something.

All in all, just take a good look at next years Oscars. I'm sure you can afford satellite television. Here is my idea. Hire some 10 people to watch all the Oscar Awards Ceremony since 1990 and get them to to pay attention to the details. It's ALL in the details my friends. Hope to see my suggestions implemented in 2011.

Goodluck & A'npudan
Shalini Murugiah



Friday, June 25, 2010

Talking to God.

First things first. I love God. Sometimes I'm mad at him, other times, very thankful. Most times I'm asking for forgiveness, and strength. I consider myself one of the many, yet few who have special appreciation and understanding of the world and people around us. This understanding almost always leads to spirituality. I know there are ideologies where God is taken out of spirituality. But for me there will always be a God. This world is too corrupt, yet too beautiful not to have someone looking over us.

I don’t know when it started. Me talking to God. I always had a special place in my heart for him. As does he, for me, and every one else. So it's not too surprising that I talk to him. As he is always there, even if no one is around. Some times he talks back to me. Most time he lets me decide the best course of action. After all, this is my life to live and learn. Here comes my favourite part. I don’t know if this quote is out there somewhere, but I can truthfully say I wrote it out. It came to me one day when I was reminiscing about my life and how bittersweet it can be. Then I heard myself say, "it's okay, At the end, God will be there".

At the End, God will be There

This gives me great faith and strength. Faith in the afterlife. Strength to live life. One thing is for sure. Every one's life is different. Not one is the same as the other. And to think there are over six billion of us with our own consciousness is beyond my comprehension. Just like this very minute I am thinking, every one else is thinking some thing some where. Some times I look at the people travelling on the subway with me. Everyone is so different. Some going to work, some going to school, and others simply going some where. Every one has a life. Everyone has a destination. A place to go. A person to see.

The truth is. The world moves too fast for me. I am always playing catch up. Maybe that's what allows me to reflect more often than is healthy. It is exhausting playing catch up when you are always left with the feeling of 'huh, did i just miss something'. And that you are never there at the moment when it matters the most. I missed the spotlight on my stage called life. Imagine running after those bright lights which fixes your position on the stage. Every time you get under the light, it moves to the other end of the stage. That's how I feel. Life is going by too fast, too real.

My answer to my exhaustion? God of course. I keep complaining. He keeps listening. If I didn’t' have him, I would be one confused child running after spotlight after spotlight. But now I know, once the lights turn off. At the end, God will be there.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

In the Name of Blueberries!

Weight Loss: Zero lbs.

Yes. I have started a diet yet again. It's rather unfortunate I know. I believe it was exactly this time last year that I ventured into my Green tea diet. How time flies by eh?! Did I accomplish my goal? Of course not, what a silly question. I wouldn't be compelled to write this blog had I been successful right?

There was some improvement in the months following the diet, up until October 2009 I believe. Then I got cocky and discovered bubble tea at Wal-Mart! Not just any Wal-Mart, just the one by Markham & Sheppard. It has a bubble tea shop called "Tea Shop" inside its premises. And they make the best bubble tea in the Greater Toronto Region! And do you know what the best part is? It's damn cheap! Only $3.14 for a large which includes tapioca. My favourite flavour? Taro! Taro! TARO! Yum yum yum.

But now I’m back again to reunite with my green tea bags. However there is a new addition. Meet my new friend, Blueberries. Of course you have heard about them. They are synonymous with diet, Oprah and Dr. Oz. It's only natural I incorporated them. This time I am serious however. Well, I want to be serious. I have to be serious. You know why? Because I am getting married! YAY me!

I know its' a big deal to publicly want to lose weight. But who cares right? The people around me are already in the know. So what if some random guy from India (preferably from Chennai) reads about my weight loss attempt? I'm not embarrassed.

I want to lose 20lbs. Whoa! You might be wondering how much I ACTUALLY weigh. But that' I'm still shy about confessing. Let's just say I want to lose 20lbs. How am I going to get there? That I don’t know. The problem is : I don't exercise. I hate exercise. I mean just the thought of enduring the "pain" stops me from even trying. But at the same while, I know I'd have to exercise if I want to lose weight. Restricting calories and eating healthy is not going to get me where I want to go. It may pave the way, but it's definitely not going to deliver. That's where I am stuck. I have a treadmill at home, which sits prettily in my basement collecting dust. I can't find the motivation to get on it. I just can't. I have now devised a plan to go jogging/running around a track which I have yet to follow through. My friend keeps asking me to come running in the mornings with her. Till now my answer to her has been “Zzzz......Zzzz.....Zzzzz".

Hopefully I will have better news in the coming days. It's been one whole week since I have stuck to my blueberry, green tea and 'only eat when you are hungry' diet. Oh yes, I also drink lots of water. I go grocery shopping on my own. So I can pick out the items I can take/make for work. I have only binge eaten one day last week. This is very good for me.

Wish me good luck. Will be back with an update soon.

Friday, June 11, 2010

To You

I know some times it doesn't seem so. Or it would have even lasted; much less existed. But here I am again. Thinking. What great moments it had been. I sigh. A deep breath. A slow blink. The heart flutters. And I think again of the way we were.

Maybe my heart told your heart
It had a parking place outside
Or that we both like taking walks
And doing things at night.
Maybe our hearts have the same favorite color
And found each other that way
Or maybe because they both love sunshine best
And always tell summer to stay.
Maybe your heart sent my heart a secret message
That said, “I’ve been waiting for you...Let’s go.”
Or maybe when it comes to things like this,
There aren’t reasons….Hearts just know.

This time around, it's My heart to Your heart.
Santhipom!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Enaku Piditha Paadal Vareehal

Transatlion..... "Lyrics I like". Here is a list of my favourite phrases from Tamil songs since yesteryears. Every line here, I understand to it's depth. Or atleast I think I do.

1 . வருவான் காதல் தாவேன் என்று காற்றும் கூற, வரட்டும் வாசல் தேடி இன்று காவல் மீரா, அலையல் ஓசை ராகமாக இசைத்தேன் வாழ்த்துப் பாடலை, ஒருநாள் வண்ண மாலை சூட வளர்த்தேன் ஆசைக் காதலை (Chattriyan, 1990)

2 . ஆசை வந்து என்னை ஆட்டி வாய்த்த பாவம், மட்ட்ரவரை நான் ஏன் குத்தம் சொல்ல வேணும். கொட்டும் மழை காலம் உப்பு விக்க போனேன் காற்றடிக்கும் நேரம் மாவு விக்க போனேன். தப்பு கணக்கை போட்டு தவித்தேன் தங்கமே ஞான தங்கமே (Aboorva Sagorthargal, 1989)

3 . கண்கள் சொல்கின்ற கவிதை இளம் வயதில் எத்தனை கோடி, கண்கள் சொல்கின்ற வகிதை இளம் வயதில் எந்தனை கோடி (Kavikkuyil, 1977)

4 . சுவாசக் காற்று வரும்பாதை பார்த்து உயிர்தாங்கி நானிருப்பேன்
மலர்கொண்ட பெண்மை வாறது போனால் மலைமீது தீக்குளிப்பேன்
என் உயிர் போகும் போனாலும் துயரில்லை பெண்ணே அதற்காகவா பாடினேன்
வரும் எதிர்காலம் உன் மீது பழிபோடும் பெண்ணே அதற்காகத்தான் வாடினேன்
முதலா முடிவா அதை உன் கையில் கொடுத்துவிட்டேன் (Bombay, 1995)
 

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Raavan, Raavannan, Raavana

The most anticipated movie of this summer is not Rajini's Endhiran, but Maniratnam's Raavanan! OH YES IT IS! It's due to hit theatres this June and I can hardly wait. It boasts of a stellar cast led by Vikram, Aishwariya Rai, Karthik, Prithiraj and Priyamani. There is no need for introduction for either Cheyan Vikram, or ever beautiful Aishwariya. Of course the Karthik I am implying is my all time favourite hero of yesteryears not too long ago, Karthik from Mouna Ragam. You may remember Priyamani from the hit movie "Paruthiveeran', and that's probably the only movie you can recall her from, although she must have acted in plenty more. The 10 other commercial movies she did....., not so great. It's a shame rather, that a great actress like herself can't be utilized by Kollywood.  Actually come to think of it, I can't even recall a single movie that she was in, thats' how much of an impression they left on me. And then there is Prithiraj, best known for his role in Mozhi as Jothika's better half. He is a good actor, and has done some pretty noteworthy roles.

The story takes an aim at Ramayjanam in modern time. The hero is the villain. Oh what wonderful treat it shall be. With Maniratnam's knack for character sketch and minute details, this will be a treat for all movie lovers. I cant' simply wait.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Do I Have a Friend in Brampton?!

It's not a surprise to those that visit my site to soon realize that not too many people in fact visit my site. What gives? Oh I don't know...maybe the lack of comments? Or the fact that I do not own a facebook account and can't advertise myself (side note: did you know it is officially much cooler not to have a face book account than to actually have one? So ha. Mission accomplished! Well done grasshoppers.)! Also to mention that Shalini Murugiah (that's me) doesn't have much friends, family or even enemies.

So it's pretty easy for me to know who actually regularly visits my site. Three people now (up from 2)! My sister, my little sister, and my best friend. And then there are those that are in search for D.B.S. Jeyaraj and stumble across my blog, only God knows why. I only have two posts in matters related to him. I can't complain though, that brought me the most "traffic" than anything else I had to say!

There is someone new now. Someone from Brampton. The place that is farther than Mississauga. What's more odd? Brampton is like untouched territory for me, along with Mississauga and Vaughan. There is no one that is even remotely close to me outside of Scarborough and Markham. I know one person from RichmondHill, but she doesn't visit my blog. Neither do people from east of Markham, like Ajax/Whitby where I have friends and cousins. It's one thing for this person to may have accidently or on purpose stumble across my blog. That I get sometimes. But to visit me everyday? No. I dont have anyone that loyal. Not even my three sometime-followers.

That being said. I would like to say thank you to my new friend whom I don't know. A sincere thank you for reading my blog posts, you are one in a few.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Apadiyum Sollalamah?!

They say when you are drunk you will speak the truth. So I ask myself tonight. Does that apply to writing? Will one write the truth if they are drunk too? Or is it just for those wagging tongues? What is truth anyways? Is it not possible that my truth is someone else's illusion? Do we not see the world through shaded eyes? I know I do. I have been wearing contacts since grade 11, when I was 16. My truth is., I am in love. I love the guy I love very much. I have always been a sucker for love. I don't know why. Is it hereditary? I hope not. The pain that love brings is almost as unbearable, as the pain that no love brings. To love and to be loved, or to love and to be not loved, there is bitter sweetness in every aspect of it, is it not? What is love? Why do we love? Why at the age of nine did I have a crush on this boy I barely knew. What is it about him that I liked? What sparked in me...., in us. We were too young then. But I am old enought now, so why does it still feel so right, and so true.

They also say, if you love something let it go, if it was meant to be it will come back to you. What if it doesnt? What if it went away so far away, that you question its existence. What is real. What is not. Was I really the gril that I was years ago? Or am I the girl that stares back at me through mirror today. Which one am I. Which is the better me. The one that appears to be happier? Which one is it. I look, and I look. I stare and I stare. The person on the other end of the mirror cries. I cry. We both cry.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

It's been A-WHILE!

One of the few things I remember from my school days is learning that 'a while'  has a space between 'a' and 'while'. It's not one word after all. It was an 'ahh-ha' moment for me. For some reason, I have always remembered that lesson from grade school. And those many times I was asked to edit some person's essay, or assignment, or letter to the Canadian Government, I'd take it upon myself to point out this very common but a mistake nonetheless to the person of interest. I'd take pride and breathe in a sense of arogance for  having caught this obvious mistake. Because this I was sure of. 'A while' is two separate words. And that's that.

Why am I telling you this? I have no idea. Just wanted to write something on my blog as it has been too long since my last entry. Why the absence you ask? 1. My change in work schedule. 2. my labtop. My laptop is officially broken. I bet you didn't know I was using a hand me down laptop till this point. I didn't mind. I don't generally have a knack for technology. Of course this is mainly influenced by the fact that I have butterfingers when it comes to handling or caring for anything remotely expensive. Again, tha's just me. Some of us are just born accident prone. It's true. Some one out there, probably an accident prone themself, has done a study to prove this very theory?! That some people are more susceptible to attract minor but frequent accidents than others. So HA! Wait....I just have to find this study now.....hmmm....

* I didn't spell check this, so please don't point out my obvious 'mistakes'. HA, you didn't think this all came naturally did you? Have a happy one!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Welcome 2010, Puthandu Valthukal !

This is the first year I rang in the new year at the temple, and it was the perfect start to a year full of possibilities. Two of my friends and I went to Richmondhill Pillayar Temple at 11:30 in the evening, attended the Archanai at midnight, prayed, walked around, checked out some beautiful sarees and chudithars, and some boys of course, hahaha, had some coffee courtesy the temple, and left around 1:30 in the morning. I felt incredibly spiritual and light hearted, and enjoyed myself so much that I have decided that I will make this a tradition every year from this year on.