Green tea was one of those things that I swore to myself that I wouldn't succumb to. Not even during my most desperate attempts at weight loss. yet. YET, here I am, drinking green tea!!! What does this mean?! Oh boy, I have become utterly desperate haven't I?. It's no secret that any girl past 20 years of age, and well over 110lbs is in search of an agreeable diet (How Jane Austen of me!). And so am I. I am 26, and I weight......, HA I'm sorry, I don't think I know you well enough! Besides, this blog wasn't all about candidness was it? Either way, my weight is not the issue. I mean, my exact weight is not the issue. The issue is, like every other girl I know, well maybe except my sister right now, is trying to lose weight. Or to be more friendly to those in denial, at least are trying to "tone" their body.
I don't remember the exact day, month or even year I realized that I'm on the heavy side. I guess I have always known that I'm not skinny, but to be constantly conscious and distressed about my weight, I do not know when it started. The point is, I am still conscious of my weight. VERY conscious. Not in the, oh my god, I won't touch that chilli chicken kinda way, but in a more, damn, why did I binge on that chilli chicken way. An after the fact remorse. Something that's far too prevalent in my eating ways. Only those poor souls that have tried losing weight (not your already skinny girl, but wants to lose 5 lbs weirdo!) will ever truly know the suffering behind "trying" to lose it. Isn't that the case? Always "trying" to lose it. I can honestly say I have been "trying" for the past 6 odd years! Of course, trying is such a loosely interpreted word!
The smallest of compliments, event at the most fleeting moment, such as 'Shalini you look like you lost weight eh!' can send you into a whirlwind of pure euphoria. Thank God for nice people.
As easy as it may be to give compliments, it's not always so to receive them. That's why when you genuinely pay a compliment to a friend, she'll comeback with a 'nahhh. are you kidding me? i just ate 10lbs of kottu rotti at home'. At this point, you can make a decision; continue to imprudently gratify your friend's ego, until she gives in and finally admits to maybe losing 3lbs. Or, you can simply change the subject. The truth is, unless they themself can look in the mirror and notice a considerable change, they will always be at unease with compliments. But to be sure...., this does not apply to those that have obviously lost so much weight, and are dressing much slimmer, yet seemingly dismisses it. They call those people "crazies" in my Oor (village). HA!
Anyways, where was I? right..., so it's sooooooooooooo hard to lose weight. For me, the one that loves food. The one that loves home made rice with chicken curry, kirai, boiled mutai, kilanku porial, venkaiya samapl, and shrimp poriyal. The one that salivates at the mere thought of fries supreme!!! Oh come to me baby! Yes, so you can appreciate my struggle now can you? It's one of the hardest thing I have to do, to control the intake of "fantabulously" delicious food as my mom's vella puttu with attu irachi!!!!!
The struggle continues.............., w/ green tea.