Talking to God.

First things first. I love God. Sometimes I'm mad at him, other times, very thankful. Most times I'm asking for forgiveness, and strength. I consider myself one of the many, yet few who have special appreciation and understanding of the world and people around us. This understanding almost always leads to spirituality. I know there are ideologies where God is taken out of spirituality. But for me there will always be a God. This world is too corrupt, yet too beautiful not to have someone looking over us.

I don’t know when it started. Me talking to God. I always had a special place in my heart for him. As does he, for me, and every one else. So it's not too surprising that I talk to him. As he is always there, even if no one is around. Some times he talks back to me. Most time he lets me decide the best course of action. After all, this is my life to live and learn. Here comes my favourite part. I don’t know if this quote is out there somewhere, but I can truthfully say I wrote it out. It came to me one day when I was reminiscing about my life and how bittersweet it can be. Then I heard myself say, "it's okay, At the end, God will be there".

At the End, God will be There

This gives me great faith and strength. Faith in the afterlife. Strength to live life. One thing is for sure. Every one's life is different. Not one is the same as the other. And to think there are over six billion of us with our own consciousness is beyond my comprehension. Just like this very minute I am thinking, every one else is thinking some thing some where. Some times I look at the people travelling on the subway with me. Everyone is so different. Some going to work, some going to school, and others simply going some where. Every one has a life. Everyone has a destination. A place to go. A person to see.

The truth is. The world moves too fast for me. I am always playing catch up. Maybe that's what allows me to reflect more often than is healthy. It is exhausting playing catch up when you are always left with the feeling of 'huh, did i just miss something'. And that you are never there at the moment when it matters the most. I missed the spotlight on my stage called life. Imagine running after those bright lights which fixes your position on the stage. Every time you get under the light, it moves to the other end of the stage. That's how I feel. Life is going by too fast, too real.

My answer to my exhaustion? God of course. I keep complaining. He keeps listening. If I didn’t' have him, I would be one confused child running after spotlight after spotlight. But now I know, once the lights turn off. At the end, God will be there.