Why I Can Never Be Too Happy...

Hahaha..it's been rather too long my friends! I was pleasantly happy to see that at the least some people, well....3 people, including my sister, noticed my absence. And to those a thank you and a my style curtsy. So why I can never be too happy? I have often wondered this for a long time now but with no satisfying explanation. Of course there a those easily conceivable notions , but nothing concrete and definitely not one single reason I propose. This is why I bring this question into the blogging realm.

I am a pretty simple person. Nothing too complicated or fancy about myself or my life. To be sure, this is not to say that my life has been uneventful. I had my share of consequential happenings over the years. Yet, like everything else in life, time has abated all things good and bad. So that's why I don't point to any single happening in my life to my diluted happiness. But rather, I question my own happiness when I compare it to those that are outright and visibly happy. Sometimes annoyingly happy. These people get excited about the littlest things in life. I mean, yes I appreciate the smaller and finer things in life too. But that doesn't mean I give a little yelp or smile open mouthed EVERY TIME I pass a rack of roses, or a cutesy teddy bear. And I also don't get excited or even remotely perky if I drive by a place where one of my friend or relative lives, and point it out giddily to whoever that happens to be with me. Sure, sometimes it's worth noting to someone else. And even may feel a bit excitement IF IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I PASSED BY. But to rejoice on it every time I pass by? I highly doubt it! But this is me. And this is where I question my (lack of) happiness.

I have 2 people in my life that get easily happy and/or excited by very small happenings, coincidences or tangible materials. Their gaiety is noticeable and sometimes even loud and irritating. For a soft spoken, and reserved person like myself (and that's by popular count), it can be very damaging to the ear drums, not to mention my sanity. Just to give you an image. If I was to be standing next to one of those 2 people, and it was announced over the PA that the movie we were both equally anticipating is being released next week, you would definitely notice her, because she will be the louder, the most excited and the chirpier one. And might even say ' oh my god shalini, oh my god!!! I cant' believe it. We have to go!!! We have to go!!! I am soooo EXCITED!!!". So my question is....does this mean she is more excited/happy about the movie than me? But whhhyyyy? I AM HAPPY TOO. I don't know how to show it (or think I have to), but I AM. I swear. And here lies my dilemma. If I was to show my excitement, this would have to be a conscious effort on my part, and that take a lot of mental work. OR I can simply choose to be myself, appreciate life, and dwell in my own happiness. And yes sometimes this passive approach can be often passed off as unfriendliness, grumpiness, and sometimes even jealousy. But I choose to be true to myself. Because faking happiness and excitement is not my cup of tea. Nor am I that pretentious for it to come so naturally. It's just who I am. This, of course by no way indicates that the other person 'fakes' it either. That's just who they are. I know this because I had this conversation with one of the 2 people. She, for most part, IS genuinely happy and excited about small matters. Do I wish I can be that way? Yes, sometimes. But does this mean I am dead inside? Of course not. I AM excited about the camping trip in May. I AM excited about my pay cheque this Thursday. I AM very happy to know that Ageesh is in the finals of Super Singer 2009. So it's not like I lack Serotonin. Maybe my friends just have a little more....

Does this mean I should worry and question myself about why I can never be too happy? No, I definitely hope not.