my sister's keeper

It's been only minutes since I finished the last pages of 'My Sister's Keeper' by Jodi Picoult. I'm no professional book critic or reviewer, but simply as a person that has read this book I want to say a few things about this book. I believe I have earned that much. Here goes a list of thoughts, opinions and strange reflections (in no particular order of course).

1. death, dying, waiting to die...., all take (once again) precedence in this book too. This is exactly what I alluded to in my previous post here. A great book, one that will leave lasting impressions, or even immediate contentment of having read a fine book almost always has death as a backdrop. What is it about death and loss that pulls at our heartstrings, and knots our stomach and wells up our eyes? Maybe because it's the one thing in our lives that we have no control over, and choose to understand the least.

2. Anna, the main character, wants to be emancipated from her parents. Not so she can get her hands on her trust fund, or party past her curfew. Rather, she wants to be 'medically emancipated' from her parents. The right to her own body. The right to decide whether she wants to donate a kidney to her terminally ill older sister. My first thought of Anna was of course selfish. How could she not want to save her own sister's life? She is not old enough to make those decisions herself. She will grow up to regret it. But when you read on and get to know Anna, you understand her better. It's not that I agreed with her, but you understand why she has taken such a drastic measure. Sometimes, feeling invisible is worse than any sickness. At least with sickness comes attention.

3. Campbell and Julia. Their story is a subplot to My Sister's Keeper. Nevertheless, just as engaging and kind of like the inevitable love story that's always included in a novel. I liked both their character sketch. Fate and love abandons them, only to bring them together many years after. I'm a sucker for any story that has ANY resemblance to the following: boy meets girl. boy and girl fall in love. boy leaves girl for unknown reasons. girl is devastated. boy comes back, tells girl, 'he had to leave'. Ah. There is a reason after all.

4. 'Armchair Astronomer'. Prior to this book I was not familiar with this term. But now it's a term that is perfect to describe my boyfriend. Like Brian, the father of Anna, Niroshan too is an armchair astronomer. Niroshan loves to watch space documentaries of faraway galaxies, and burning stars. If you ask him, he won't be able to recall what he did last weekend, but if you were to ask him if the sun will ever burn out, he will explain it to you in all its gaiety and particulars. Some times when I am on the phone with him and nearing the brink of sleep, I ask him to 'talk' about space. As he embarks on supernovas, gamma rays, and black holes, I will cozily fall asleep. It's like our own little story time, except I'm not listening.

5. There is a passage in the book that reads "In the English language there are orphans and widows, but there is no word for the parent who loses a child". Hmmm. Never thought of it like that. How true it is.

6. Mother. Synonymous with sacrifice.

7. This book was made into a motion picture film and was released just this summer. I have to watch it now that I have read and liked the book. One of my friend just told me last week the movie was better than the book. That was the first I heard. It's always the book that is better than the movie right? So now I am curious. Can't wait. Save me two seats at AMC Kennedy.

Achieving Greatness!

One of my prayer at temples has always been, and will be, to be a good person. A good human being. What do I mean by 'good'? Not a saint definitely. But someone that characterizes humility, sincerity and happiness. A person that has come to understand, life can be beautiful as long as you are happy with the small blessings in life. Like my health. My family. The crystal faux chandelier in my room. My boyfriend, good friends, conversations and coffee. Or my mother's spicy chicken curry, and my dad's mouth watering keera curry! Every time I sneak a spoon of my dad's spinach curry right off the pot, I can't help myself but utter "sabaash!". These are the blessings of my life...

But it's not easy being good is it? So I have noticed.

With the endless pursuit of material likings, and shameless vanity, it's hard to count your blessings. Rather, it's much easier to compare and realize what it is that you weren't blessed with. Like a pretty nose for starters! hahahah. Why do we always compare ourselves to those that have more money, or more beautiful than us? What is money and beauty anyways? One, which in its very nature will never be enough, and the other, destined to quietly slip away. It's not jealousy. It's called pity. Pity on your own self. And the sad truth is, every one is guilty of it. Unless of course, your prayer was answered.

I try. Being good entails being happy. I am not always happy. And it's by my own doing than anyone else's, even God's. Because most of the misgivings in my life are my own fault. I am inevitably accountable. Like my...

to be continue'd, .......

Time is Everything....; Time is Nothing!

The concept of time..., where did it come from? Which idiot thought of it. What is time anyways? Is it the long hours that never seem to pass quickly enough at work? Or is it the crawling minutes when I wait for someone outside their house? Maybe it's the 'time' that is never enough for people. Time gone too fast - youth and beauty that seemed endless at one point, is now slowly but decidedly fading with each ticks and tocks of the old clock.

I am going to turn 27 this year. TWENTY SEVEN. That's 9909 days. 237, 816 hours. All gone by. Never to come back again. Never. Jousa! Where have all the years gone? I will tell you the best years of my life; 1988-1992, 1994, 1998-99, 2000, 2005. I cant' remember the early years. I have trouble even remembering what I did last week, or who I met, so to recall times in my early years is like trying to milk alcohol out of a cow! I am sure I had the best times of my life before 1988. That's when I had grandparents, cows, dogs, and a front lawn to play all day. Certainly I would have laughed with no hint of suppression. Unlike my laugh today. It's tainted with knowledge. Knowledge that teaches you with every tragedy, that sometimes when you laugh, you will have to cry too....

That's why I never laugh too loudly or freely. If I did, I make certain for penance. It's not fair I tell myself sometimes. Why is there a dark shadow over my being, in my conscious, in the words that I speak, in the thoughts I pore, like it has seeped deep within my marrow. Why can't I be free ....like the rest of them....then I ask myself...are they? Are they free? How could I possibly know. For all I gather, they are seeing me laugh freely. People used to say I am lucky. I never understood why. Now that they know, they won't repeat the same mistake again. At least I hope not. I have changed, my life has changed, .....time has changed.

Can I bead the happy years on a string and leave the rest? How many years will I miss out. How many hours. What will be the final count. Then how old will I really be.

Why I Like to Read...

Right now I am reading 'The Time Traveler's Wife' by Audrey Niffenegger. I just put that aside so I can ponder the Internet and stumbled on my blog again. Although I am loving typing this very minute, the anticipation of actually writing something always puts me off. I wonder if that negates the idea I have of me as liking to write? hmmm.

Anyways. I'm half way through The Time Traveler's Wife and I'm liking it thus far. It's very different from all the books I have read. It's an entirely new concept, well unless of course you count the movie 'Back to the Future'. But this book is different, this is a love story. It's about a guy, Henry, who is a time traveller, and his wife, Clare, who is not. Clare loved Henry when she was six. Henry only loved Clare when he was 29. That's because Henry went back in time and met young Clare, when he was married to Clare in the present. But the Henry Clare meets at 20, doesn't' know Clare, because he still hasn't met young Clare yet. ...., complicated? A tad bit!

But that's how the story goes, and it's been pretty engaging with all it's imaginative story telling. Even as I'm half way through the book, I find myself waiting impatiently for the 'big story', cause you can almost tell from the beginning that something is going to go wrong. I have to constantly remind myself to take in each page as it comes, and not rush through the story. AND why is it that all good stories, or rather heartbreaking stories all allude to death and/or loss? Maybe except Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (which I absolutely adore!) But I will write about this book (perhaps) later, right now I want to stay true to my blog title, and that is Why I Read!

Like I mentioned, I am reading The Time Traveler's Wife now. Before this, I read 'I am So Happy for You'. And before that I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling! I also read Pride and Prejudice very recently too over the summer. Next, I will be reading 'My Sister's Keeper' by Jodi Picoult and after that, 'A Fine Balance'. I know this because I have those two books ready to be read. I ordered 4 books last week on Amazon.ca. It was my first time, and it was a joyous occasion for me. The excitement of receiving a package at home through mail was surprisingly joyous.

I have always read since my younger days. I sometimes catch my dad telling relatives or guests about my reading, and sometimes rather proudly I suppose. And truth is, I am proud of my reading too. Recently, over the last year I have taken a very deliberate effort to buy books and expand my book collection. I like reading because it takes me to different worlds, and allows me to peek into different lives. People and places I would never meet or visit in this lifetime. Every book I read is like a secret world that I was allowed to step in and experience. As I let my imagination take over, I feel as though I am right there following the main characters through their lives. Sometimes, I get so attached to certain characters that I wind up overwhelmingly sad when I finish a book. I will no longer be part of their lives :(

Reading allows me to be unexceptional. I'm not the only one that has lost someone, or had my heart broken. And that I'm not the only one that reads magazines while in the bathroom. Nor am I the only one that is self-conscious. Nor am I the only one that has bad moods. It makes me realize there is far more suffering in this world than what I can account through watching movies, and news broadcasts. When you read a book, as fictitious as they may be, you know there is some one out there some where that felt this pain, and suffered through this loss. And reading personal adaptations are more significant than watching television through your eyes and ears. Reading goes to your heart, and you feel it.

The $30 Haircut!

I know what you're thinking. What's so bad about a 30 dollar haircut eh? That sounds sooo reasonable in fact. Well you would be right, it would have been perfectly acceptable....HAD I CUT MY HAIR. The truth is, ..... my BOYFRIEND got a $30 haircut. That's right! 30 DOLLARS for a men's haircut. And you know what's the worst part? I HAD TO PAY FOR IT!!!

To better illustrate this highly irritable story, one thing must be said. I come from a household of men(my dad and younger brother) that pay no more, I mean NO MORE than $8 per haircut. And that's only when the salon that charges $5 is closed! So you can imagine the absurdity of paying thirty hard earned dollars for a simple haircut, and that too especially for my boyfriend's hair. URGH!

You know what's the turning point of this story is (if I can call it that)? I AM the guilty perpetrator. Because it was me, ME, MEEEE that gently coerced him into going to a high end salon to get his haircut this month! If you want to know....., it was just not any ordinary monthly haircut. He needed his hair cut for his sister's wedding, so this makes it more justifiable I suppose. There is more to it however....

I outrightly hate my boyfriend's taste in hairstyle. He likes it short and combed down. He claims it's the "only" way to look professional at work. I like it long, and slicked back. The way I first met him!!! We have had countless arguments and petty bickerings solely on this difference. What irks me more is the fact that he absolutely and positively believes he looks better with short hair!!! Trust me, I know my men, and short hair does NOT suit YOU!!!!!!!! Sorry..., oops.....I meant short hair does not suit him. If you see my boyfriend, you'd immediately agree with me. He looks so much, infinitely, better in long, slicked back hair. Just to be sure, when I say long, I don't mean long enough for ponytail long. Oh no, I passed that stage in my life loooong time ago. I only want his hair long enough, so he can casually comb it back with ease.

Over the years we have slowly (and grudgingly) come to a compromise of sort. I get to decide how he cuts his hair (muhahahha), as long as it still remains "somewhat" professional enough for work. This has worked for quite some time now, but recently, mainly due to my negligence, he had been going alone to get his haircuts. And low and behold, of course his hair is cut short short! So I decided this time I will not pass on an opportunity to excercise my right over his hair. That's why I suggested, yes I SUGGESTED that we try a different salon this time, one that has someone that can speak English preferrably. So we drove down to Markville Mall and went to a salon there. There Niroshan came with the bright idea that I should pay for this haircut, since it was I that "cared" so much. Fair enough. Atleast he trusted me. So that's why I paid.

Was it worth it for the $30? Hmmm....no not really. The lady still cut his hair, which meant it is still shorter than what he had walked in with. But was it better than his combed down, school boy look? OH Yes, most definitely. She cut it in a way that when his hair grows now, he can just slick it back and not have to worry about his fade growing out too fast. I hope this sets the standard for all future haircuts, but of course minuse the $30.

In the Absence of Love.

Is it true that every one in this world has loved someone? Not the love a mother feels for her child....but romantic love. The kind of love that slowly creeps up into an unknown heart. The kind of love that makes daydreaming a favourable escape and waiting impossible. Does this mean that everyone has felt the fluttering wings of the thousand butterflies inside them? Where one starts to dream with their eyes open? But is it also possible that someone has not ever loved anyone? .....

I have always loved I believe. From the age I could remember love, I have loved somebody. Did I know it was called love then? Most probably not. But looking back, I can surely say I loved him. A childhood crush? Yes. It started like that. But fate had it that I should love him again, so I did. And I have loved him since. The day I marry him will be my happily ever after....

But thats' me. I had always been the fool for love, a hopless romantic even. That's known however. What has boggled my mind recently is a thought that stirred much interest in me. What about those that I know and positively believe never has loved someone romantically? It may be that they liked someone in their unassuming younger age, but what about now. Have they loved someone? Or is it just that I dont know them well enough.

The Green Tea Saga Continues...

Hello. So here is the update. If you remember correctly, I had recently undertaken the consumption of green tea for none other than for a purely superficial reason - weight loss. It's been I think 2 weeks, maybe 2 and a half, or even close to 3 now. Oh well...but good news is,....I have, willingly and sometimes forcefully, stuck with drinking only, and I mean ONLY green tea for the entire duration. I completely cut out one of the few favourite delights in life: coffee with cream and lots of sugar. AND now...am I not only drinking green tea, but consequently I have also cut out refined sugar! How amazing is that? You would think pretty amazing if only you had known my weekly coffee consumption. I am a self-proclaimed coffee junk....., well, not anymore I suppose!

I know the burning question must be,..."so have you?" You mean, have I lost weight? Honest answer? ....Yes...at least I think so. Minimal? probably, but surely? Yes. How do I know this? Well, everyone knows the best indicator of weight loss is never the topsy-turvy scale! Rather, it's your old jeans and my favourite, an old saree blouse. I prefer the saree blouse over the jeans simply because jeans are more susceptible to waist blubber, which can be shamelessly adjusted by skipping a few meals. But the saree blouse is more stubborn. It wont, and I know this by first hand, and that is, it just wont accommodate any extra 'flesh' than what it was originally designed for! It fits around the most 'vulnerable' parts of your body, the parts that takes a long term commitment of any diet or exercises regime to notice any substantial change. That's why, when I tried on a saree blouse from my younger days, you can imagine the surprise when it had actually fit me!!! Did it fit as well as it should have? Hell NO! But at least this time I could close all the buttons on the blouse! hahahh.

So change is possible. But of course I dont want to get ahead of myself. Only one knows how many times this has been attempted at time after time. Nevertheless, this green tea is new and apparently here to stay. I have actually come to like it. I bought a more mild form than the one my parents are accustomed to, I bought the Tetley Green Tea. It's definitely less nauseating to be sure. It's a shocker, but some times I find myself craving for it too. Especially when I wake from an afternoon nap. This is soooo not Shalini. But I guess I have to grow up at some point right? For me ...green tea just might have showed me the way....

Tell Me My Love...

Tell me what it is that you love so dearly about me? Is it the way I love you back? Or is it the way I find your hand, and interlock my fingers with yours? Maybe it's the way I say I love you to you. Or perhaps, it's the way I stand next to you, with as little space as possible. No. I think it's the way I brush your hair behind your ears. Or even the secret glimpses I pass your way when you are not looking. So which is it my love? Tell me what it is you love about me?

Tell me what it is that you hate so much about me? Is it because I call one too many times back when you don't answer your phone? Or is it the the few times you saw me stare out the window when you talk to me? Maybe it's the way I tell you that I want it my way. Or perhaps you think I still hold a grudge against your family? No. I think it's because I always have something smart to say about your friends? Or even the cranky voice I greet you with at times when I had little sleep. So which is it my love? Tell me what it is that you hate about me?

Music and Lyrics

I have always liked Tamil movie songs. From love songs, to family songs to 'autokaran' songs. I have liked them all. So it should not come as a wonder that I understand Tamil pretty well. Actually, filmy Tamil that is. One of my favourite song is "Palamuthir Solai Enakahathan" from Varusham 16. Such an incredible song composed by Illayarajah and sung by K. Jesudas. It takes me back 20 years instantly. It is the lyrics, the meanings behind each sentence, and the subtle hints at happiness that makes this song amazing.

My boyfriend on the other hand, (I think you have met him before?) Niroshan likes tamil songs too. But strangely enough,.....he doesn't understand the lyrics. His understanding of Tamil songs is similar to what it would feel like when reading off subtitles from Tamil movies. I tell him it's not the same. And that he is missing out on much, like the lyrics and the images and sensations it evokes on an individual when listening to a song. Don't' get me wrong. The music is great too. There are many songs I do like and only like because of its music and nothing more. For example, the song "Minnal Oru Kodi Enthan Uyir Thedi Vanthathay" (Hariharan, Chitra) from VIP is onc such song. I can understand the lyrics, and it's beautiful at times, but the music is what carries the song.

If you think about, and this is what I thought about. This is not a serious problem for the newer generation, or for people like Niroshan. All the newer songs nowadays are accompanied with good, stylish modern music. So irrespective of lyrics they will continue to listen and appreciate Tamil songs. But what is lost on them are the older Tamil songs. The hundresds upon hundreds of beautiful Tamil songs filled with Tamil phrases and words. The ones that had molded the Tamil language in a way that every sentence carries a conversation with our hearts....*sigh.

In order to "correct" this unfortunate, but tolerable flaw in Niroshan, we have come to do something regularly on our car rides, especially the long rides I love so much. This is what we do. We play a Tamil song, and after each sentence or two, I pause the CD player and ask Niroshan to explain what he just heard. At times he impresses me with his descent knowledge of Tamil. But that impression is short lived mostly, as he is often lost in translation.....even after the 16th time of replaying the same sentence over and over again! The most recent attempt at this was for the song "Veesum Katruku Poovai Theriyatha" (Unnikrishnan) from Ullasam. This is a fairly easy to understand song, with day to day Tamil language. Niroshan did a commendable job, his first translation of the title was....'the flower doesn't' know the wind'. Close? perhaps...., but true to it's content? No, he has more car rides ahead of him.

I am Writing...

I am writing today because I want to. And almost have to. It's just so many things have been on my mind, and in my circle and I am starting to wonder the realism of what is my life.

Do you know how I know I am old? There was a time in my life when well intentioned (or not) - uncles and aunts used to ask me, "what are you going to be when you grow up shalini?", "shalinikku enava vara virupam valantha pirahu?". I don't' remember what I used to say, perhaps a doctor? but I doubt it,.... even as a child I don't believe I was much ambitious. Nonetheless, this is what I know now. I can no longer answer that question. I am 26 for one. That constitutes 'grown up' right?! . And now that I am all grown up, I know more, and like they say ....'with wisdom comes great sorrow'. Isn't it sad really? I can never say I want to be "this" when I grow up. That time has passed me by...., were my eyes open?

Did you know sometimes he still whispers to me? He wrote me a letter today. After so many years of silence, and quite rebuttals, he decided to write me an unsealed letter. It didn't say Dear Shalini...., it began......Shalni...just like how he'd say my name. I didn't read it of course. He read it to me. I think I heard his voice. He didn't whisper this time.

How do you stop someone from crashing their own world? A world they had once built with so much love, time, patience and courage. A world that has now become too small that it is takes complete effort and concentration just to breathe. How does one escape that? What if that some one is a friend? Do you stand back and watch, or do you step inside their crushing world?

Why do so many people come into our lives, but only a few stay? Do you know the story of my life? The haunting of my pasts that still lingers around my shadows are mostly unknown to the adorned gaze. Everyday seems a struggle like another day in the past. How do you go on living when you know everything can be lost in a single moment? what am i not saying....,

What's in a Green Tea?!

Green tea was one of those things that I swore to myself that I wouldn't succumb to. Not even during my most desperate attempts at weight loss. yet. YET, here I am, drinking green tea!!! What does this mean?! Oh boy, I have become utterly desperate haven't I?. It's no secret that any girl past 20 years of age, and well over 110lbs is in search of an agreeable diet (How Jane Austen of me!). And so am I. I am 26, and I weight......, HA I'm sorry, I don't think I know you well enough! Besides, this blog wasn't all about candidness was it? Either way, my weight is not the issue. I mean, my exact weight is not the issue. The issue is, like every other girl I know, well maybe except my sister right now, is trying to lose weight. Or to be more friendly to those in denial, at least are trying to "tone" their body.

I don't remember the exact day, month or even year I realized that I'm on the heavy side. I guess I have always known that I'm not skinny, but to be constantly conscious and distressed about my weight, I do not know when it started. The point is, I am still conscious of my weight. VERY conscious. Not in the, oh my god, I won't touch that chilli chicken kinda way, but in a more, damn, why did I binge on that chilli chicken way. An after the fact remorse. Something that's far too prevalent in my eating ways. Only those poor souls that have tried losing weight (not your already skinny girl, but wants to lose 5 lbs weirdo!) will ever truly know the suffering behind "trying" to lose it. Isn't that the case? Always "trying" to lose it. I can honestly say I have been "trying" for the past 6 odd years! Of course, trying is such a loosely interpreted word!

The smallest of compliments, event at the most fleeting moment, such as 'Shalini you look like you lost weight eh!' can send you into a whirlwind of pure euphoria. Thank God for nice people.

As easy as it may be to give compliments, it's not always so to receive them. That's why when you genuinely pay a compliment to a friend, she'll comeback with a 'nahhh. are you kidding me? i just ate 10lbs of kottu rotti at home'. At this point, you can make a decision; continue to imprudently gratify your friend's ego, until she gives in and finally admits to maybe losing 3lbs. Or, you can simply change the subject. The truth is, unless they themself can look in the mirror and notice a considerable change, they will always be at unease with compliments. But to be sure...., this does not apply to those that have obviously lost so much weight, and are dressing much slimmer, yet seemingly dismisses it. They call those people "crazies" in my Oor (village). HA!

Anyways, where was I? right..., so it's sooooooooooooo hard to lose weight. For me, the one that loves food. The one that loves home made rice with chicken curry, kirai, boiled mutai, kilanku porial, venkaiya samapl, and shrimp poriyal. The one that salivates at the mere thought of fries supreme!!! Oh come to me baby! Yes, so you can appreciate my struggle now can you? It's one of the hardest thing I have to do, to control the intake of "fantabulously" delicious food as my mom's vella puttu with attu irachi!!!!!

The struggle continues.............., w/ green tea.

What Ticked Me Off..., A Lot Has Apparently!

My friends will generally describe me as a moody person. For some part they are correct. For instance, when I am hungry I can be quite irritated by mundane nuisances. But usually their perception of me has to do a lot more with their own inability to comprehend and appreciate dissent. I am very opinionated. Not in a worldly-affair sorta way, but in a personal my-life kinda way. If I don't like something I will say it. If I want to have things certain ways, *ahem - my way, I will ask for it. Unless I am exceedingly excited and that too about something in the near future, I usually wont' be caught grinning giddily. (*But you already knew that about me didn't you!) AND ESPECIALLY if you don't want my opinon, then don't ask for it. Simple as that right? WRONG! I am always misunderstood, and easily perceived to be ill-tempered or just plain inconsiderate I suppose. Frankly, I don't really care about their misinterpretations of my intent. When little things bother me, I speak my mind. I do this more so for my sanity than anything else. The reason I don't' feel bad about expressing my thoughts, however unfavourably they might be taken, has to do with my believe that underneath it all, when it really comes down to my core, I know I am a nice person and will not intentionally hurt anyone. Well......., not anymore at least (*when I was a kid, it was an entirely different story...muhahhaha).

I thought it would be an interesting a read to entertain my readers with such things that annoy the crap out of Shalini Murugiah. These are my personal and particular pet peeves I suppose.

1. Cheap people! one time, sure. even a next, i will let it pass. but if it's something that's obviously become a pattern, i will get pretttttty damn irritated.

2. People that make me wait! I don't mind waiting for 5 minutes, maybe even 10, anything longer however suggests to me that my time is not valued. Of course there are exceptions. But if a time has already been acknowledged, I expect full effort from both parties to keep that time.

3. Those that cannot shut up long enough to ask you how your day was! Not everyone can talk non-stop, some of us need to breath. Let the other person say what's on their mind too. They might be wanting to say something too you know....

4. People that brag! It's one thing to share good news, and a whole 180` to boast. Yes, you are rich....get over it! Yes...you are 100 lbs...., now eat something! hahhaha....! There is always a tasteful way of establishing your accomplishments...., merely speaking about it, and exaggerating finer points is not going to help you.

5. Serious people! Not everything that gets planned goes well, and not everything that is spontaneous goes awry. Mistakes happen. People are only human. Some are more prone to misfortunes than others......GET OVER IT!

6. People who belittle others! I may not be the smartest, the prettiest, or the one with the greatest job. But that doesn't mean I have accomplished little in life. Everyone has their own story of how they got to be where they are today. Not every ones milk koppee was given in a silver tray. The day you start judging people on their looks and money, the day you have become a petty human yourself.

7. Unsmiling people! If you see someone you knew once, please do smile. Friendly people are my favourite people in the world. They just have something so Godly about themselves.

8. Inconsiderate fools! It's good to have eaten. But if you had eaten at the expense of other's, are you truly satisfied? Of course not. There is a saying in Tamil..."ELL ENDALUM 7ella Pirikkannum". Remember to hold doors for others, remember to shut doors properly. Remember to clean up after yourself after using someone's washroom, kitchen. Just simply remember to be courteous and have common sense.

9. If you borrow something, please return it! If I have something of yours, please ask me, I know sometimes it's just memory that fails us. So when someone asks for something back, don't get offended. I won't.

10. Dont' take everything so personally! Sometimes, although this might come as a shock for some..................., the world does not revolve around you. Trust me on this. If I tell you something, take it as it is, do not make it personal pleassssssssssssssse!

Oru Nalla Pattu.....

This is one of the few amazing things about YouTube. I was listening to some tamil songs when I came across this song, "Manil Vantha Nilave" oh so ramdomly. You will never know just how much I love this song, yet the last time I heard this song was a decade ago. This song is also a background song on my 6th birthday video, and I simply love it! Whenever I listen to this song, it makes me soooo happy-jolly, and I smile openly with a big deep breath. Though my parents will probably never have the words to express their love to us, I know if they can, it will be everything this song is about, and I hope to pass this song to their grandchildren as lullabies someday.....,.

A trip to Elanthulir (a Tamil video store at Warden & Finch) is a most definite plan now. I hope to find this movie there. It will be nice to watch this movie again with Nadiya, Rahuman and Baby Shalini. While I'm on this topic, just want to cover something pretty exciting. So for the last few weeks, I have been buying older Tamil movies from the 80s and 90s from Elanthulir. These are movies that I remember enjoying, but vaguly remember now since I haven't watched them in quite some time. Recently I rented the movies Idhayam (Murali and Heera), Karna (Arjun and Ranjitha) and Nattamai (Sarathkumar,Kusboo and Meena). These were all movies that I liked at one point, and wanted to watch again now. Anyways, Elanthulir has this folder with over 2000 + Tamil movies in their list, complete with actors names written beside each movie. This is a very rare system in Canada, hence my elaboration and excitement. For me, watching these older movies is like a happy drug.

Song Title : Mannil Vantha Nilave

Movie Title : Nilave Malare

Singers : P Susheela

Music : M S Viswanathan M S

The Fury of A Woman

The fury of a women. Well, not just any woman,but the fury of my closest friend. It's a funny incident actually. Perhaps, something that will stay with me for a long time to come, and even evoke laughter at the thought of such a rumble. I guess it's moments like these that marks one's life with excitement. So here is what happened that sunny Sunday afternoon at the park.

I was at the L'Amoreaux Park with 2 of my good friends enjoying the snail-like walk we had adopted under the scorching sun. It was just past 2pm, and though we were worried about our impending, and unwanted tan, the gust of cool wind blowing past us, was just too seductive. We soaked under the sun for the next 2 hours lying on our backs on top of the lush green grass. It was time to head home, with much resentment, we dragged ourselves to the parking lot towards our cars. That's when we heard the ice-cream truck. DING DONG. DING DONG. DING DONG. I can't remember the last time I ran towards an ice-cream truck to buy an ice-cream, I was never that kid. And I wasn't any different today either.

"I think I am going to get myself an ice-cream" says my friend, hmmm....I'm going to name her, Pooja* since I haven't run this blog post by my friends, and not sure if they'd appreciate me using their real names here. Anyways, just for character sake, Pooja is my good friend from University, and I relate and respect her very much like an older sister. My other friend, Anjali* (who is my dear old friend from high school, and my closest friend till today), also decides to treat herself to an ice-cream. After all, the heavy sweating has definitely earned all of us a treat. We walk over to the ice-cream truck, and are the first ones there, behind us were 3 Chinese kids. Pooja asks for a vanilla flavoured cone ice-cream. The ice-cream lady, an old aged, dark skinned woman, with badly decayed teeth poured the ice-cream onto a cone, and handed it over to my friend.

Here's where the story gets interesting. We quickly notice that the ice-cream is not poured rightly onto the cone at all. In fact, it was so lopsided, my friend had to give it a quick lick to position it rightly on the cone. I point this out to Pooja. She acknowledges it, was not too thrilled about it, but we didn't think much of it. I mean yes we were disappointed that the ice-cream was not perfectly placed, but nothing crept passed that surface acknowledgement. Sridevi orders her cone now. She asks for vanilla dipped in chocolate. When the lady passes the ice-cream to Anjali, I notice once again the ice-cream is carelessly, and foolishly misplaced! I bring this to Anjali's attention. She was annoyed, but didn't' think it was too important. Wasn't it just going into her tummy as liquid mesh anyhow? Yet, selectively righteous me, wants to ask for another ice-cream, a pretty looking one, but more over, one that wont topple anytime soon.

*On a side note, I refer to myself as selectively righteous, because it is only in certain situations I would have the courage, or compulsion to question certain things. I know! I am flawed in many ways my friends.

In continuing my story, I see that my friend didn't really prefer, or waste her time in asking for another ice-cream. So I turn to the lady, who by the way has not even smiled once since arriving, and ask her for another ice-cream that which is properly poured onto the cone. She is evidently irritated by my request, and say NO! I put forth my request again, she glares down at me from her high open window and asks, "whaaatt dooo you mean?", in her broken English-Guyanese accent. I ask her to give my friend another ice-cream, tell her it's sloppy, and is dripping all over the place. She comes back with an even more chafed tone, and says NO. It must have been at that moment that my friend Anjali interrupted, and told the woman to give her another ice-cream or she is not paying. I am secretly excited that my friend has not paid yet, and realize this will give us the edge at the least. But, as my tone with the woman was merely a friendly, scared puppy like version. I stare back at my friend who is standing tall, with eyes protruding out with anger. Anjali tells her, "you don't talk to my friend like that and expect me to pay you. Give me a new one, or I am not going to pay you". The crusty old lady gets nasty now, and starts throwing back threats. "You better paiii me, or I weeeell call the poleeeeece". My friend doesn't' budge, stares right back and tells her to call. Of course the woman doesn't. At this point my friend is very irate, and wants to simply leave. She doesn't want to take the ice-cream without paying and tries to put it away. The lady grabs her wrists and pushes it back. Ice-cream is spilled all over my friend's shoes, and her favourite tote bag. She is overtly angry now. The woman sneers at her. My friend sneers back.

All the while, as I watch this scene unfold in front of my eyes, I can't help when my mind drifts off to the last movie I watched in theatres. It was a scary movie called, Drag me to Hell. I feel a chill run through my back as I realize the similarities. What if, I think to myself. This scene is eerily too similar to what happened in the movie. The old, Gypsy lady in the movie, puts a curse on this seemingly innocent young woman who denies her a loan to put off her imminent eviction. Whooaaa I say. This lady reminds me of that lady, a d-evil in hiding perhaps. So I urge my friend to let's go. She was in no mood to tolerate this any longer too, so she forcibly puts away the ice-cream into the van, and walks away. I was proud of my friend who stood up for herself and her right to a decent ice-cream. I mean, we could have simply ignored it, and let it go, but the lady's attitude was just too good to pass. She told me later that her fury was unleashed mainly by the lady's unwarranted anger towards me, when I had initially requested fora new ice-cream politely.

Today is my Mother's Birthday!

Why I love my mother. Though she may never read this blog, or even come to know that I have a blog, I am compelled to write about this wonderful woman that I call Amma.

Amma, what beautiful images and emotions the word resonates as you say it out loud. Especially when I say Amma. My mom is a little women, with little dreams for herself, and great ones for her three children (me included). She was born and raised in Saravanai, Jaffna, Srilanka. She wasn't the best of students, her education was not hers nor her family's first priority. While her elder brothers (four of them) went onto universities, and business ventures, she was asked to quit school at tenth grade and heeded to the demands of womanhood. Cooking and cleaning. Not that she complained of course (I wouldn't have either).

Her marriage to my dad was arranged in 1980. There are many juicy, gossip worthy incidents during this period to disclose, but not here. Of course, maybe if you become a member of my family or extended family, through marriage or birth, I will one day indulge you. Now she has been married for close to 30 years. She is celebrating her 56th birthday this year. It's hard to believe she is fifty-six. For children, their parents will always be young, strong, and powerful, capable of alleviating all bad, including a 'not so clean bedroom'. For me, my mom will always be my better self. My mom is a small woman, at only 4'10. But to compensate for that perhaps, her energy is infinite. Especially if its in any way needed by my brother's presence. In the company of my mother, we are at our laziest. But in the company of my mother, we are also at our greatest debt. We can only hope to make this great woman as happy as she has made us in being our Amma.

*side note: just to be sure, a lot of how my mother has grown into a mother we love abundantly has a lot to do with the unwavering love and respect she has received from my Appa over the many years ....