I am writing today because I want to. And almost have to. It's just so many things have been on my mind, and in my circle and I am starting to wonder the realism of what is my life.
Do you know how I know I am old? There was a time in my life when well intentioned (or not) - uncles and aunts used to ask me, "what are you going to be when you grow up shalini?", "shalinikku enava vara virupam valantha pirahu?". I don't' remember what I used to say, perhaps a doctor? but I doubt it,.... even as a child I don't believe I was much ambitious. Nonetheless, this is what I know now. I can no longer answer that question. I am 26 for one. That constitutes 'grown up' right?! . And now that I am all grown up, I know more, and like they say ....'with wisdom comes great sorrow'. Isn't it sad really? I can never say I want to be "this" when I grow up. That time has passed me by...., were my eyes open?
Did you know sometimes he still whispers to me? He wrote me a letter today. After so many years of silence, and quite rebuttals, he decided to write me an unsealed letter. It didn't say Dear Shalini...., it began......Shalni...just like how he'd say my name. I didn't read it of course. He read it to me. I think I heard his voice. He didn't whisper this time.
How do you stop someone from crashing their own world? A world they had once built with so much love, time, patience and courage. A world that has now become too small that it is takes complete effort and concentration just to breathe. How does one escape that? What if that some one is a friend? Do you stand back and watch, or do you step inside their crushing world?
Why do so many people come into our lives, but only a few stay? Do you know the story of my life? The haunting of my pasts that still lingers around my shadows are mostly unknown to the adorned gaze. Everyday seems a struggle like another day in the past. How do you go on living when you know everything can be lost in a single moment? what am i not saying....,
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