Shalini is misspelled?!

Endhiran...Nan Enna Ninai-keerendal

2010-10-03T01:12:00.003-04:00

I won't lie. I was definitely excited today. It started to seep in this morning when I had ordered the tickets online. And it only grew more intense 30 minutes later when I saw that all shows for the day were sold out. I figured I should get there at least an hour early to get good seatings. So I did. There was a line up as I had suspected. We didn't had to wait too long however, maybe 15..... maybe 20 minutes. Then there was an almost stampede like race for the coveted seats. I would we got pretty decent seats. Not the best however thanks to this guy next to us who decided to save seven seats for his tardy friends. Oh well. No point in stressing, the point was ....we had good seats...and we were about to watch thalaivar's movie.....

Shalini's review
(not a crazy fan, not a hater either...a fairly normal person's review)

...................................coming soon ya

Another night....Another feeling...

2010-09-28T01:48:00.003-04:00

So I saw the poster yesterday. Endhiran is being released worldwide this weekend, well September 30th to be exact It will be running all over Toronto. I'd probably catch it at Scarborough Town Centre, but it's running at Albion and Gerrard Cinema.....,also at Eglinton Town Centre and Scarborough Town Centre, and some next theatre in Mississauga that I never heard of, and of course never been just cause I never step inside that side of the country.

This is exciting times. Yes definitely. I love me a good Superstar movie. I didn't like Sivaji as much. Had it been sans Shriya maybe I would have...but her being paired up with Rajini was the most horrible decision of modern day Tamil cinema, and the 2nd worse mistake? the side swept hairstyle of Rajini!

Aishwarya will be different with Rajini I am sure. She looks older now. Sad, but true. So she will be a better match for Raijin, and besides...she can act unlike other actresses that shall go nameless here......beep......

I was skeptical when I saw the initial trailer...not another computer generated graphic overload please, I prayed! Well apparently it's not. It's actual special effects closely in line with Hollywood movies. So they say, and so I hope. Either way it will still be a treat to watch Thalaivar's movie. lol....now I definitely sound like a crazed fan.

In other News,

I was literally shocked to hear that Sivakarthikeyan got married last month. I KNOW! I had no idea. I was still hoping he'd get hooked up with tv actress Aishwarya that gave him good competition in Boys Vs. Girls! Oh well. I'm still excited. Vijay Tv will air their wedding details coming Sunday on "Namma Veedu Kalyanam".........YAY! It's going to be great, can't wait.

Irandu Manam Vendum

2010-08-30T19:51:00.005-04:00

It's that look that knots my stomach. What does it mean? I have longed for it at times, searched for it at times, and even caught it many times. Sometimes I held onto it a second too long. There was definitely something to say at that point. Yet no words were exchanged. Does it just come my way, or am I fueling my imagination. Then there was that hand shake to say farewell held too long, a shared promise of an end to what could have been. The fingers that slipped passed one another might have known the truth. I wondered what they didn't tell me.

Why the intense look friend? Even if I look,.... why do you look back? I know you see through me. You see my weakness. This has become a game. 2 players, a card deck and no hand to play. I may be the fool at the end who had believed his eyes ---- but that's okay, 'cause the truth is still held hostage inside the look. I might never know...... Maybe that's why you said "Don't worry, I know" ..........

...........என்னோடு நீ வந்தால் என்ன?

I *heart you!

2010-08-12T00:45:00.004-04:00

'I *heart You' by Shalini Murugiah

It takes a Moment...

2010-08-12T00:33:00.001-04:00

When the stars are shining bright above me and the cool, night wind blows past every inch of my presence I think to myself 'what a world - what a bitter sweet world'. I stand there for a second,, maybe longer. The sky is filled with glittering droplets and the moon is falling asleep, ready to fade into the skies. I now have to lean against my car. Take a deep breath Shalini - I tell myself. This is your world.

The two minutes that I manage to capture in my heart between me getting out of my car and me entering my house, it is only me, the night sky, the stars, the cool wind and the whispering of branches and leaves. It's easy to get lost in that world, that's why a deep breath is always in order. It brings me back to my real world. A house to walk into. A family waiting....

If I Can Write in Tamil, What Will I Write?!

2010-07-26T03:21:00.003-04:00

And if you can read it in my Tamil, will you read it?

வண்ணகம். என்னுடைய பயர் ஷாலினி. இல்லை அது பிள்ளை. என் பயேர் சாலினி. அஹ்ஹா, இது தன சரி. என்னக்கு இப்ப வையசு 27. இந்த ரெண்டும் தன உண்மை. அத விட என் வாழ்க்கையை பற்றி சொல்ல என்னக்கு தெரிய. இது வரை நானும் அந்த மற்ற உண்மைஹளை தேடி கொண்டு இருகிறேன். இதுவரை கிடைக்கவில்லை. தேடி தேடி வைச்சு பொன்னது தன மிச்சம்.

வாழ்கை என்றல் என்ன? அதில் என் இதனை குள்ளபோம். என் சில்லர் வந்து எங்களை ஜோசிக்க வைகிறார்கள். அனல் சில்லரி எங்களை அல்ல வைகிர்ரர்கள். என் வந்து வந்து பொற்றார்கள். ஒருதிறம் நிரந்தரம் இல்லையா? இது ஒரு கேள்வி.

நன் யார் . அவன் யார். இவை யார். ஏன் இந்தனை மற்றம் ஒரு சின்ன இதையத்தில்? ஒரு திசையில் போவம் என்றல், ஏன் இவ்வளவு மற்றம். யார் இதை மற்றுரர்கள்? நன் இல்லை. அது நிச்சியம்.

என்னக்கு இந்த தமிழா எழுதிறது கொஞ்ச கஷ்டமா இருக்கிறது, ஒரு பிரேக் எடுத்து இடு வாரேன். இதை பார்த்தாழ் Kumudham இல்ல இருக்கிற தமிழ் பொல்லா இருக்கு. கொஞ்சம் இங்கிலீஷ் கலர்த தமிழ்.

An Open Letter to

2010-06-30T04:36:00.008-04:00

VijayTv's Univercell Vijay Awards! 2010

Dear VijayTv.

My name is Shalini Murugiah from Canada and I love Tamil movies (and India, southIndia that is). My fascination of India and its Tamil people comes directly from Tamil movies. Yes, I am fully aware it could be distorted. I don't know which the real India is. Is it the NanKadvul India, or is it the Varusham 16 India. Maybe it's the Chennai 28 India. But most probably it's the Angedi Theru India. I really wish it was the Varusham 16 India though. Whatever India it might be, I am still fascinated and have regrets of not being born a Tamilnadu Indian. Of course it would have had to be a Chennai, Tamilnadu upper class (by that I mean wealthy) Indian who is the love interest of Sivakarthikeyan from VijayTv (ha). Well, this is not important to my letter anyways. Just wanted you to have a general idea of who I am (and who I might have wanted to be).

I guess you can call me an ardent fan of your television channel. Only last month did my household decide to pay for regular service through Rogers (I hate Rogers by the way. They're our cable service providers. Just thought you might want to know.) Up until that point we had bought dvd's from our local Priya's Sumpermarket in Markham and regularly watched SuperSinger, SuperSingerJunior, BoysVsGirls I and II, KanakanumKagalangal, and PalleekattuPatanam. We have and continue to enjoy many of the shows you have produced over the years, occasionally complaining about shabby quality and even worse hosting (or compere as you'd like to call it there) by some of your talents but liking it very much nonetheless.

Recently, well just this Monday and Tuesday, I've had the privilege of watching Vijay Awards 2010. Or should I say Univercell Vijay Awards 2010 as you are very keen and persistent on mentioning your loyal sponsors repetitively. This show has been something your channel was advertising (as every other show on your channel, another letter for another time) for the last month or so. The internet was already abuzz with the winners of this award long before, so I was already in the know. It wasn't a surprise when the winners came up. Like I said earlier, it was still a privilege watching the show as it was new and exciting for Tamil television. It was well organized and well executed. And did I mention I love Gopinath? Not in the Sivakarthikeyan way, but in a ' oh my --- he is so talented' kinda way. It was a splendid show, and treat to the eyes to see all the actors under one roof. I just wish Ajith/Shalini, Rajini, Vikram, Trisha, Shreya, Asin, Nadiya, Radhika, Jeeva, Karthik, Maniratnam, Simbu, Nayanthara, Prabudeva, Dhanush had all come. Oh well, I'm sure you would have invited them. They probably declined due to their busy schedule. Maybe next year? Papom eh?

So here is where I start picking the bones. It's an expression used in the western world just in case you didn't know. I really really believe you have a good thing here. Having grown up watching the Oscars and Emmy's it's only natural my expectations are high. But I do strongly believe you can meet these expectations next year. Therefore I put forward some very constructive criticisms. Hopefully, you will be open minded to accept them. It's only for your good.

So here are my suggestions.

1. Please invest in air-conditioning. Or find a venue where there is air-conditioning. It was unbearable to watch the stars sweating, and wiping their foreheads with their handkerchief. If you can spend thousands of rupees to put on a show, at least show some class. It looks very very very 'padikadu' to see people sweating in litres. The ladies were sorta fine. I believe they had waterproof makeup. But the guys --- no no. Please do something.

2. Have a formal dress-code? The only item missing from the wardrobe department is the 'lungi' or 'saram as we'd say. You guys there have access to television right? You've watched the Oscars right? I know it's not fair to ask our stars to be dressed by the top designers like Channel, Dolce&Gabbana or even Gucci. But they don't even have to. Just wear a damn tuxedo that is for once fitted! And ladies, if the dresses aren't working for you, just wear a beautiful saree. An example of elegance and class at this function was Sneha. She was just radiating and so beautiful in her yellow saree. Please seek her advise.

3. Gopinath -- this is a personal message to you. I do love you. I think you are so damn witty, and I simply love your articulation and speeches. Yet, I have to say this. I hope you accept it with an open heart. When you dress in a suit wearing a shirt underneath is great and all. But please PLEASE keep the collar inside the coat. DO NOT in any circumstance bring it over your coat. That is so 1998! You will look that much sharper if you just make it a point to keep it inside your coat. I promise. I remember in an interview a few years back when Suriya had said his fans had advised him to leave his shirt out more often. Due to him being short, tugging in the shirt just emphasized this even more he said. And he actually took their advise. I hope you will take this advise from this unknown fan half way across the world.

4. VijayTv --- back to you again --- decorate the seating area as nicely as the stage. Perhaps hire an event coordinator? someone familiar with decor? Start with nice tableclothes, and chaircovers. And don't forget beautiful centerpieces. Maybe have better lighting. I know you probably rented the biggest open arena there is in Tamilnadu, so you can make the most for your bucks, but come on..... Setting a standard and being classy speaks much more volume. If you want to make VijayAwards a serious business, and earn prestige, spend some money on these areas. And while you are at it, please ask that all men get a neat haircut and groom themselves before they come. What's with the unkempt beard? and mushroom hair? I'm no hater for facial hair, in fact, I strongly believe that's what can make or break a man. So I do embrace facial hair, just not the dirty ones. Quick question....do they have styling gel in India? I hope so.

5. What's with the editing of the show? Why not show the actual nominees during the announcing of their nominations. Maybe this is not your problem. But I would still like to know still. How come most of the actors, directors, produces look so angry? It's as though you have forced them to come. I find that very appalling. How rude. Is it because you guys are catching these guys at the wrong time on video? Why not catch them on their lighter moments, when they are actually smiling, laughing or interacting with one another. Again, Sneha was good in this department. So was Arya.

6. Oh, not to forget your backgroun dancers. Why do you insist the male dancer's outfits are made with the silkiest material? This does not make good television. Please pay for better fabric and make them good outfits. They are great dancers, make them look good too!

7. For now this is the last......when you invite guests to come announce the nominees and winners, ask them to walk with each other. The worst example for this was when Meenakshi and some comedian guy (dont know his name) walked on to the stage to present the best comedy award. I know guys in India are generally not chivalrous but to see it being played out so blatantly on screen. URGH! the humanity of it was just unbearable. Was he so shy? that he must walk 3 meteres in front of her? I dont know. But do something.

All in all, just take a good look at next years Oscars. I'm sure you can afford satellite television. Here is my idea. Hire some 10 people to watch all the Oscar Awards Ceremony since 1990 and get them to to pay attention to the details. It's ALL in the details my friends. Hope to see my suggestions implemented in 2011.

Goodluck & A'npudan
Shalini Murugiah

Talking to God.

2010-06-25T03:25:00.005-04:00

First things first. I love God. Sometimes I'm mad at him, other times, very thankful. Most times I'm asking for forgiveness, and strength. I consider myself one of the many, yet few who have special appreciation and understanding of the world and people around us. This understanding almost always leads to spirituality. I know there are ideologies where God is taken out of spirituality. But for me there will always be a God. This world is too corrupt, yet too beautiful not to have someone looking over us.

I don’t know when it started. Me talking to God. I always had a special place in my heart for him. As does he, for me, and every one else. So it's not too surprising that I talk to him. As he is always there, even if no one is around. Some times he talks back to me. Most time he lets me decide the best course of action. After all, this is my life to live and learn. Here comes my favourite part. I don’t know if this quote is out there somewhere, but I can truthfully say I wrote it out. It came to me one day when I was reminiscing about my life and how bittersweet it can be. Then I heard myself say, "it's okay, At the end, God will be there".

At the End, God will be There

This gives me great faith and strength. Faith in the afterlife. Strength to live life. One thing is for sure. Every one's life is different. Not one is the same as the other. And to think there are over six billion of us with our own consciousness is beyond my comprehension. Just like this very minute I am thinking, every one else is thinking some thing some where. Some times I look at the people travelling on the subway with me. Everyone is so different. Some going to work, some going to school, and others simply going some where. Every one has a life. Everyone has a destination. A place to go. A person to see.

The truth is. The world moves too fast for me. I am always playing catch up. Maybe that's what allows me to reflect more often than is healthy. It is exhausting playing catch up when you are always left with the feeling of 'huh, did i just miss something'. And that you are never there at the moment when it matters the most. I missed the spotlight on my stage called life. Imagine running after those bright lights which fixes your position on the stage. Every time you get under the light, it moves to the other end of the stage. That's how I feel. Life is going by too fast, too real.

My answer to my exhaustion? God of course. I keep complaining. He keeps listening. If I didn’t' have him, I would be one confused child running after spotlight after spotlight. But now I know, once the lights turn off. At the end, God will be there.

In the Name of Blueberries!

2010-06-22T04:01:00.008-04:00

Weight Loss: Zero lbs.

Yes. I have started a diet yet again. It's rather unfortunate I know. I believe it was exactly this time last year that I ventured into my Green tea diet. How time flies by eh?! Did I accomplish my goal? Of course not, what a silly question. I wouldn't be compelled to write this blog had I been successful right?

There was some improvement in the months following the diet, up until October 2009 I believe. Then I got cocky and discovered bubble tea at Wal-Mart! Not just any Wal-Mart, just the one by Markham & Sheppard. It has a bubble tea shop called "Tea Shop" inside its premises. And they make the best bubble tea in the Greater Toronto Region! And do you know what the best part is? It's damn cheap! Only $3.14 for a large which includes tapioca. My favourite flavour? Taro! Taro! TARO! Yum yum yum.

But now I’m back again to reunite with my green tea bags. However there is a new addition. Meet my new friend, Blueberries. Of course you have heard about them. They are synonymous with diet, Oprah and Dr. Oz. It's only natural I incorporated them. This time I am serious however. Well, I want to be serious. I have to be serious. You know why? Because I am getting married! YAY me!

I know its' a big deal to publicly want to lose weight. But who cares right? The people around me are already in the know. So what if some random guy from India (preferably from Chennai) reads about my weight loss attempt? I'm not embarrassed.

I want to lose 20lbs. Whoa! You might be wondering how much I ACTUALLY weigh. But that' I'm still shy about confessing. Let's just say I want to lose 20lbs. How am I going to get there? That I don’t know. The problem is : I don't exercise. I hate exercise. I mean just the thought of enduring the "pain" stops me from even trying. But at the same while, I know I'd have to exercise if I want to lose weight. Restricting calories and eating healthy is not going to get me where I want to go. It may pave the way, but it's definitely not going to deliver. That's where I am stuck. I have a treadmill at home, which sits prettily in my basement collecting dust. I can't find the motivation to get on it. I just can't. I have now devised a plan to go jogging/running around a track which I have yet to follow through. My friend keeps asking me to come running in the mornings with her. Till now my answer to her has been “Zzzz......Zzzz.....Zzzzz".

Hopefully I will have better news in the coming days. It's been one whole week since I have stuck to my blueberry, green tea and 'only eat when you are hungry' diet. Oh yes, I also drink lots of water. I go grocery shopping on my own. So I can pick out the items I can take/make for work. I have only binge eaten one day last week. This is very good for me.

Wish me good luck. Will be back with an update soon.

To You

2010-06-11T00:21:00.009-04:00

I know some times it doesn't seem so. Or it would have even lasted; much less existed. But here I am again. Thinking. What great moments it had been. I sigh. A deep breath. A slow blink. The heart flutters. And I think again of the way we were.

Maybe my heart told your heart
It had a parking place outside
Or that we both like taking walks
And doing things at night.
Maybe our hearts have the same favorite color
And found each other that way
Or maybe because they both love sunshine best
And always tell summer to stay.
Maybe your heart sent my heart a secret message
That said, “I’ve been waiting for you...Let’s go.”
Or maybe when it comes to things like this,
There aren’t reasons….Hearts just know.

This time around, it's My heart to Your heart.
Santhipom!

Enaku Piditha Paadal Vareehal

2010-06-08T04:12:00.001-04:00

Transatlion..... "Lyrics I like". Here is a list of my favourite phrases from Tamil songs since yesteryears. Every line here, I understand to it's depth. Or atleast I think I do.

1 . வருவான் காதல் தாவேன் என்று காற்றும் கூற, வரட்டும் வாசல் தேடி இன்று காவல் மீரா, அலையல் ஓசை ராகமாக இசைத்தேன் வாழ்த்துப் பாடலை, ஒருநாள் வண்ண மாலை சூட வளர்த்தேன் ஆசைக் காதலை (Chattriyan, 1990)

2 . ஆசை வந்து என்னை ஆட்டி வாய்த்த பாவம், மட்ட்ரவரை நான் ஏன் குத்தம் சொல்ல வேணும். கொட்டும் மழை காலம் உப்பு விக்க போனேன் காற்றடிக்கும் நேரம் மாவு விக்க போனேன். தப்பு கணக்கை போட்டு தவித்தேன் தங்கமே ஞான தங்கமே (Aboorva Sagorthargal, 1989)

3 . கண்கள் சொல்கின்ற கவிதை இளம் வயதில் எத்தனை கோடி, கண்கள் சொல்கின்ற வகிதை இளம் வயதில் எந்தனை கோடி (Kavikkuyil, 1977)

4 . சுவாசக் காற்று வரும்பாதை பார்த்து உயிர்தாங்கி நானிருப்பேன்
மலர்கொண்ட பெண்மை வாறது போனால் மலைமீது தீக்குளிப்பேன்
என் உயிர் போகும் போனாலும் துயரில்லை பெண்ணே அதற்காகவா பாடினேன்
வரும் எதிர்காலம் உன் மீது பழிபோடும் பெண்ணே அதற்காகத்தான் வாடினேன்
முதலா முடிவா அதை உன் கையில் கொடுத்துவிட்டேன் (Bombay, 1995)

Raavan, Raavannan, Raavana

2010-04-22T23:56:00.000-04:00

The most anticipated movie of this summer is not Rajini's Endhiran, but Maniratnam's Raavanan! OH YES IT IS! It's due to hit theatres this June and I can hardly wait. It boasts of a stellar cast led by Vikram, Aishwariya Rai, Karthik, Prithiraj and Priyamani. There is no need for introduction for either Cheyan Vikram, or ever beautiful Aishwariya. Of course the Karthik I am implying is my all time favourite hero of yesteryears not too long ago, Karthik from Mouna Ragam. You may remember Priyamani from the hit movie "Paruthiveeran', and that's probably the only movie you can recall her from, although she must have acted in plenty more. The 10 other commercial movies she did....., not so great. It's a shame rather, that a great actress like herself can't be utilized by Kollywood. Actually come to think of it, I can't even recall a single movie that she was in, thats' how much of an impression they left on me. And then there is Prithiraj, best known for his role in Mozhi as Jothika's better half. He is a good actor, and has done some pretty noteworthy roles.

The story takes an aim at Ramayjanam in modern time. The hero is the villain. Oh what wonderful treat it shall be. With Maniratnam's knack for character sketch and minute details, this will be a treat for all movie lovers. I cant' simply wait.

Do I Have a Friend in Brampton?!

2010-04-16T03:13:00.000-04:00

It's not a surprise to those that visit my site to soon realize that not too many people in fact visit my site. What gives? Oh I don't know...maybe the lack of comments? Or the fact that I do not own a facebook account and can't advertise myself (side note: did you know it is officially much cooler not to have a face book account than to actually have one? So ha. Mission accomplished! Well done grasshoppers.)! Also to mention that Shalini Murugiah (that's me) doesn't have much friends, family or even enemies.

So it's pretty easy for me to know who actually regularly visits my site. Three people now (up from 2)! My sister, my little sister, and my best friend. And then there are those that are in search for D.B.S. Jeyaraj and stumble across my blog, only God knows why. I only have two posts in matters related to him. I can't complain though, that brought me the most "traffic" than anything else I had to say!

There is someone new now. Someone from Brampton. The place that is farther than Mississauga. What's more odd? Brampton is like untouched territory for me, along with Mississauga and Vaughan. There is no one that is even remotely close to me outside of Scarborough and Markham. I know one person from RichmondHill, but she doesn't visit my blog. Neither do people from east of Markham, like Ajax/Whitby where I have friends and cousins. It's one thing for this person to may have accidently or on purpose stumble across my blog. That I get sometimes. But to visit me everyday? No. I dont have anyone that loyal. Not even my three sometime-followers.

That being said. I would like to say thank you to my new friend whom I don't know. A sincere thank you for reading my blog posts, you are one in a few.

Apadiyum Sollalamah?!

2010-03-19T20:35:00.001-04:00

They say when you are drunk you will speak the truth. So I ask myself tonight. Does that apply to writing? Will one write the truth if they are drunk too? Or is it just for those wagging tongues? What is truth anyways? Is it not possible that my truth is someone else's illusion? Do we not see the world through shaded eyes? I know I do. I have been wearing contacts since grade 11, when I was 16. My truth is., I am in love. I love the guy I love very much. I have always been a sucker for love. I don't know why. Is it hereditary? I hope not. The pain that love brings is almost as unbearable, as the pain that no love brings. To love and to be loved, or to love and to be not loved, there is bitter sweetness in every aspect of it, is it not? What is love? Why do we love? Why at the age of nine did I have a crush on this boy I barely knew. What is it about him that I liked? What sparked in me...., in us. We were too young then. But I am old enought now, so why does it still feel so right, and so true.

They also say, if you love something let it go, if it was meant to be it will come back to you. What if it doesnt? What if it went away so far away, that you question its existence. What is real. What is not. Was I really the gril that I was years ago? Or am I the girl that stares back at me through mirror today. Which one am I. Which is the better me. The one that appears to be happier? Which one is it. I look, and I look. I stare and I stare. The person on the other end of the mirror cries. I cry. We both cry.

It's been A-WHILE!

2010-02-17T20:37:00.000-05:00

One of the few things I remember from my school days is learning that 'a while' has a space between 'a' and 'while'. It's not one word after all. It was an 'ahh-ha' moment for me. For some reason, I have always remembered that lesson from grade school. And those many times I was asked to edit some person's essay, or assignment, or letter to the Canadian Government, I'd take it upon myself to point out this very common but a mistake nonetheless to the person of interest. I'd take pride and breathe in a sense of arogance for having caught this obvious mistake. Because this I was sure of. 'A while' is two separate words. And that's that.

Why am I telling you this? I have no idea. Just wanted to write something on my blog as it has been too long since my last entry. Why the absence you ask? 1. My change in work schedule. 2. my labtop. My laptop is officially broken. I bet you didn't know I was using a hand me down laptop till this point. I didn't mind. I don't generally have a knack for technology. Of course this is mainly influenced by the fact that I have butterfingers when it comes to handling or caring for anything remotely expensive. Again, tha's just me. Some of us are just born accident prone. It's true. Some one out there, probably an accident prone themself, has done a study to prove this very theory?! That some people are more susceptible to attract minor but frequent accidents than others. So HA! Wait....I just have to find this study now.....hmmm....

* I didn't spell check this, so please don't point out my obvious 'mistakes'. HA, you didn't think this all came naturally did you? Have a happy one!

Welcome 2010, Puthandu Valthukal !

2010-01-01T02:47:00.001-05:00

This is the first year I rang in the new year at the temple, and it was the perfect start to a year full of possibilities. Two of my friends and I went to Richmondhill Pillayar Temple at 11:30 in the evening, attended the Archanai at midnight, prayed, walked around, checked out some beautiful sarees and chudithars, and some boys of course, hahaha, had some coffee courtesy the temple, and left around 1:30 in the morning. I felt incredibly spiritual and light hearted, and enjoyed myself so much that I have decided that I will make this a tradition every year from this year on.

So I Didn't Watch Vettaikaran!

2009-12-29T00:33:00.000-05:00

I don't know how I would describe this feeling (or is it state of being?). When I am here at my house with little to nothing to do and bored out of my wits, and a Vijay movie is only a 15 minute drive away. Yet, here I still remain unable to coerce myself to watch it. And the truth is, I really don't know why. But I assume it's a combination of all the three following reasons. One more than the other, but I will tell you which one at the end.

Well for starters, I had been "advised" to boycott Vijay's Vettaikaran as Vijay had supposedly affiliated with a music director (Vijay Anthony) or was it singer? who in turn was affiliated with the Srilankan Sinhalese people. That's all the surface detail I, and the people who had "advised" me knew too.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2009-12-16T01:23:00.000-05:00

Oh yes it is. It's snowing. Christmas day is approaching People are bundled and shopping through the wee hours. I see lights shining bright like stars through my window. I walk past trees all decked in jewels. I think to myself what a wonderful time of the year it is indeed. My birthday is around the corner, followed by the New Year, it couldn't have been planned any sweeter

What is it about this time of the year that got people hopping and parading with smiles plastered across their face for everyone to see. Is it the soft spells of the falling snow? Or is it the days off work that everyone had anticipated since the beginning of the year? Maybe it's all the SALE signs posted all around. No, I know what it is.

to be continue'd....

The Stranger in the Crowd

2009-11-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

This week my life changed a little. A chapter started in my book. I started my new position at my company, and with that came some very permanent change. I never embrace change well. A reason why I still haven't tried Sushi till this day. Then imagine my anxiety when I'm left with no choice but to travel to and from downtown Toronto on the TTC Subway. AND then the Scarborough RT. A commute totalling 1.5 hrs. I used to get to work in mere 30 minutes in my Accord. But since joining the mortal ways, I have to forgo the luxury of my car. I guess things could have been okay had I been used to the TTC. But I'm not. In fact I have had an aversion to the TTC for a long time now, my best friend can attest to this if you must know. To put things in perspective, I have not 'rode the rocket' since 2001 when I finished high school.

Monday I took the Scarborough RT to Kennedy Station. I was impressed it only took 10 minutes to get from one end to the next. I didn't know that. Okay, well I'm not here to give you the itinerary of my daily commute. No. The parallel world of unknown strangers is what got me blogging this morning. I don't think I thought about this much, I surely must have at some point though as I'm a self professed wonderer of life's ambiguity. Yet, travelling among the crowd has made me think much more on this subject.

On any given day in my life I see a set of people. My parents, my sister/brother-in-law, my younger brother, a friend or two, colleagues and Niroshan. Sometimes I have the odd days where I step out of this circle and acknowledge some extended family and friends. And this is my world.

WILL WRITE MORE.

Oh Why Adhava, WHY?!

2009-10-21T05:49:00.001-04:00

This weekend I went to watch Suriya's latest silver screen venture titled 'Aadhavan'. I don't know why I do this to myself time after time after time. Although I knew this movie was yet another crap out from the mills of Tinsel Town, Kollywood, I couldn't stop myself. I just couldn't, as for my love for tamil movies is beyond simple reasoning and justification. This is what I don't understand! How hard is it for directors and producers alike to come across a good script? Why is it always, ALWAYS, the same invincible hero and the unrealistic stunts? What happened to good characters with CHARACTER! There is no focus on character sketch or development.The actors are mere props. I was so excited to first hear that Sarojadevi was casted in this film. Yet she was just another prop! What talent wasted! At the least they can write a good script right? Nope. Not that either. The storylines are weaved with commercial nonsense, and illogical sequence of events. Even comedy tracks are unbearable, with little to do with the progression of the story! This is what they churn out in the the name of 'mass movie' - a movie for the mass!

I am sooo disappointed in Surya. So so so so so damn disappointed. I loved him because he was different. And because he cared about good story telling. I remember his good old days in movies like Friends, Pithamagan, Mounam Pesiyathay and Nandha. Even Kakka Kakka I liked in spite of Jothika's overbearing presence. The old magic must have been lost. He is yet another commercial actor like the rest of them. The fame and attention must have rode up to his head. This is clearly evident in the number of times he takes his shirt off in Varanam Ayiram! While Vijay tries to be the next Rajinikanth (which I'm all for), while Surya is following the footsteps of Kamal (not for!).

Anyways, going back to Aadhavan. It was a stupid movie. I never thought I'd say this, especially having hated her in Gajini, Nayanthara was the only pleasing portion of the movie. I loved loved her half-sarees. They were so colourful and pretty, and she, having lost so much weight, looks amazing! In conclusion, please don't waste your $10 on Adhavan, if you must watch a movie check out Jeyam Ravi's Peranmai. Atleast they should be applauded for steering away from mass commercialism! Not to mention Jeyam Ravi - who I was never too fond off - looks incredibly too hot with his new haircut.

The Break Up of a Dear Friendship!

2009-10-07T04:36:00.001-04:00

Question! How many of you are still best friends with your best friend from elementary school? Changes are that with the hustle and bustle of life, that dear old friend has managed to slip away from your life a long time ago. If you are lucky, maybe you are still friends. Not in the BFF kinda way. But friends who catch up once a while for coffee and conversation --- with no animosity hopefully.

I had my share of friendships over the 26 + years of my being. My very first and bestest friend that I can remember is a Tamil girl that I met in Germany at age six by the name Prashanti. My memories are vague here, but I remember going over to each other's house, watching movies, and playing doll houses. And I also remember, that the day before I left Germany to come to Canada she told me she will be either going to India or coming to Canada herself. That was 20 years ago. I haven't seen her since. I don’t even have a photograph of Prashanti. She lives in my memories now, which is really a shame because I doubt I will recognize her if she runs into me tomorrow! I also had another best friend from Germany. Her, I remember very well. Maybe I would have forgotten her too, but as small as this world likes to be, life brought us within the same circle again. We seperated after I left Germany (or after she left, not sure who did first), and Jousa! I meet her again in Canada and funny story is she is now best friends with a good friend of mine. But these are friendships of children. As meaningful, and delightful as they might have been they don't sweeten the bonds of friendship like those years of elementary school or highschool. Because here, during these years, you practically share your life day in and out with these few special people From your crushes, to your longings to your troubles --- you share your most sacred feelings and even secrets you swore you'd never tell. They were friends that were with you from early in the morning when school started or even before that while you walked to school together, till late into the evening when you'd meet them again for play time. It was a parallel world reserved for friends, where everything lasted forever and nothing had to end. You know, the time you thought twenty-year-olds were soooo damn old!

Coming Soon, ......

So in Other News......, I HATE ROGERS!

2009-10-01T03:17:00.000-04:00

If there is one company that gets my blood boiling, it has to be Rogers Co.! By stating this of course I forgo all my options to ever work there! Not that I would want to anyway! I'm a simple person, I don't expect much from my wireless service provider just that my bills are accurate and my services uninterrupted. Yet, since 2002 when I first got a cell phone I haven't gone an entire year without having to deal with their infamous customer sevice reps. Oh, the very thought of dialing that number stirs my blood. I hate Rogers for many very important and sufficient reasons. But here is three to be specific. (I am sure thousands will agree if they only find their way to my blog).

1. I hate their service. And I hate the people that give me that service. I mean, I don't hate them personally but as Rogers' employees I most definitely do. They are the worst in customer service. I hate them even more than I hate the staff at the Transportation Ministry!!! Rogers just doesn't give a shit about their customers. All they want to do is tell you "this is the way it is, this is the way it's going to be, if you don't like it, go *&^% yourself". One thing I see everyday is Rogers bending over for potential new customers with offers of better prices and plans, while blatantly screwing over their existing customers (ME) over and over and OVER again!

2. They always kick around the little people. By little people I mean those of us that don't have any money, and by our nature, are timid to create a scene on the phone. I have always heard of hearsay stories of this and that person getting this and that by complaining and bitching, BUT NEVER ME! NEVER! Never have I ever gotten what I wanted or anything free or discounted from Rogers! Once I tried telling the guy on the phone that I'd cancel my contract if he didn't reduce my bill to it's actual amount (not the overbilling they calculated), and he simply said "Go Ahead, but just remember MA'AM (as if!!!) that your contract is in force for the next 2 years so you will be required to pay the cancellation fees." Was that a threat? I wish I had more pride, and frankly more money to have said "Yeah, ^%$* I will cancel." But all I said was, "Fine, whatever, I'll pay the bill next week". At least I said "whatever" right? That was kinda rude of me don't you think?

3. 'Cause they screwed me over more than I appreciate. Just one is too many in fact. But let's see, there was that time when they "mistakenly" switched over the service plan I had originally picked to a more costlier one due to a computer glitch. Worst part, they wouldn't allow me to switch over to my cheaper plan cause that was a special only offered during Christmas time. How did they try to make me feel better? They gave me a month of unlimited calling. Nice? No WAY. I had incoming free. And thanks to their costlier plan, now I had 500 day time minutes. So there is no freaking way I would go over that. I didn't even have a boyfriend then, damn it!!! Then there was the time they billed me $370 because they didn't realize I had unlimited incoming. After many transferrings, and waitings, and repeating my story to 5 different agents they reduced my bill to $80. If you ask me, that was still too high. But the little person I am, I said "fine, whatever". Oh how about the time I got this pathetic Tamil guy who was a Rogers representative to cancel my contract because he said he can and would even give me a brand new cell phone for free, only to realize 6 months later I am still on contract. And not just any contract, but a flippin' NEW CONTRACT, ANOTHER 3 YEARS OF ROGERS! What the heck, I still got a new phone right? WRONG. I didn't get the new phone for free! I was ENTITLED to a free phone since I was eligible for a hardware upgrade simply by renewing my contract. Conveniently the Rogers rep forgot to mention this to me. I would have never agreed to renew had I known this. I wanted off Roger's grip for so long now.

There you have it. Three out of a thousand reasons why I hate Ro-gerk-ers. Bunch of snobs, who only care about money money and more money. I am waiting for the day to be released from their chains of slavery. One more year to go...YUPEE! And in keeping with similar news...here is a funny website IHATEROGERS.CA!

"Appa, Amma --- I Want to Marry Shalini"

2009-09-29T04:01:00.000-04:00

One sentence. 5 words. How hard is it to say it? Apparently,.... a lot harder than I think according to my boyfriend. I am so tempted to write about my oh-so-complicated love affair with my boyfriend and his parents. My better self tells me not to. This is neither the place, nor circumstance. But my mischievous self. The one that is wholly impatient and easily irked by past injustices tells me otherwise --- 'Niroshan doesn't read your blog anyway!'. HA.

It's one of those stories. Actually, just writing that prior sentence has given me an idea. I will in fact tell you the "oh so" complicated story, without telling you anything about my story. Here's how. I will tell you the tamil movies that resemble my life. You know, the one with me, my boyfriend and his parents! Once you mesh the plots, and perhaps weed off the irrelevant elements, you just might get my story after all. Hmm...this should be fun.

Here are the movies of my life. Thirumagan (S.J. Surya, Meera Jasmine); Something Something Enakkum Unakkum (Jeyam Ravi, Trisha); Alai Payuthay (Madhavan, Shalini). This is harder than I thought. If you know tamil movies like I do, I think you already know my story.

Vintage Dreams...

2009-09-28T04:50:00.000-04:00

It's him. It has to be. He has on the same red plaid shirt I have seen him wearing so many days. He looks the same. But older. There is a calmness about him now. He sits there all still, staring peacefully at nothing in particular with a smile that rips my heart apart. Yes, it's definitely him. I have dreamt of that smile every night for the past 10 years. It's his inviting smile that finally gives me the nudge to walk up to him. It connects us, two supposed strangers at the most strange setting. This day has finally come. I have dreamt of it over and over again. But never assumed it will happen in this life time. What is he doing here anyway?

I can see him more clearly now, and he isn't smiling anymore. His gaze meets mine. I hold it there for a second too long. Oh crap. There is no turning back now. It is him, and he knows it's me. He must. He'll surely recognize me. A thought crosses my mind....What if he ignores me. He must have moved on. He wouldn't have waited for me. I should turn back. Pretend that I didn't see him. I have lived without him for so long, I can surely endure another lifetime. I drop my gaze towards the ground and stare down the slight ripple that's' created in the puddle near my feet. I must act now. This is too weird. I have to go....

"Shal-ni...". Oh Lord. I hear his voice once again.

Desperate Housewives IS BACK!

2009-09-28T04:31:00.001-04:00

Here is a sneak preview of what's to come on Desperate Housewives this season. I'm so excited! This show is one of those few things in my life that makes me unintentionally smile....and that's always the best way to smile isn't it? *sigh.

Do You Want to be Good, or Happy?

2009-09-28T01:47:00.001-04:00

Who said you can't learn anything from watching television?! I learned 2 important lessons tonight from watching the first premiere episode of Desperate Housewives Season 6! Before I go on to say what it is I learned, here is a short history of me and DH.

Desperate Housewives is one of my ALL TIME favourite show. It's up there with FRIENDS even. I will recommend it to anyone that needs a good, uncomplicated laugh. The show follows the lives of 5 middle age women living in a suburban neighbourhood in Fairview, America. There is Susan, the main character of sort and the 'damsel in distress' heroine of the show, then there is Bree, the uptight Stepford wife kind, Gabrielle, the model turned housewife, Lynette, the one that had one to many children and of course, Eddie, the tramp of the neighbourhood. But if you ask me, they all characterize the perfect b.i.t.c.h at some point or another. Anywho..., their lives are all intertwined and injected where everybody is in everybody else's business as there is always a shroud of mystery that needs to be unravelled (often done by peering into your neighbour's window). Ha. So here is what I came across. Two very important statements that made me go...'huh'. Both related, one that extends on the first.

1. Would you rather be good, or happy? Carl asks this of Bree when she is reluctant to continue their intermittent affair. And this (if you can believe it) struck a hard cord with me. In one of my earlier post (this one) I had written about the struggles of being good. I came to write this post as I am constantly questioning what is good, and whether I can be good. So many wayward thoughts and wantings I have, yet I had chose to believe and accept that being good is the ultimate happiness. But now, with this question in mind I ask myself, 'what is the point of being good, if you are unhappy?'. I mean, why deny myself that piece of cake? Yes, not eating it would make me a good girl who sticks to her diet....., but if I eat it, it will make me happy damn it! Which is more important?!!!! Of course I am using an analogy of a cake to make my point, but this presses onto much larger issues in life. For example, should I be good and marry the person my parents deem suitable, or should I follow my heart and be happy with the person I love? And there is also the question of should I stick to the job that gives me the steady pay cheque week to week so I can support my family, or should I pursue my true passion? Or how about, should I marry the one I am with, or be happy with the one I love?

2. Feeling guilty is a small price for happiness! This is the second statement. So what if I spent the $100 I didn't have, it made me happy didn't it?! Our lives are too short, and too damn complicated to go through life all wound up. Maybe it is a good idea to wind down, and let loose your hair. Apart from the obvious of being good and evil, maybe we should just try to be the better version of ourselves that we can be, whilst being happy. If you have to deny yourself of happiness to be someone, then it just might not be worth it to be good.

...more thoughts to come..., ..I think....!

my sister's keeper

2009-09-25T01:59:00.000-04:00

It's been only minutes since I finished the last pages of 'My Sister's Keeper' by Jodi Picoult. I'm no professional book critic or reviewer, but simply as a person that has read this book I want to say a few things about this book. I believe I have earned that much. Here goes a list of thoughts, opinions and strange reflections (in no particular order of course).

1. death, dying, waiting to die...., all take (once again) precedence in this book too. This is exactly what I alluded to in my previous post here . A great book, one that will leave lasting impressions, or even immediate contentment of having read a fine book almost always has death as a backdrop. What is it about death and loss that pulls at our heartstrings, and knots our stomach and wells up our eyes? Maybe because it's the one thing in our lives that we have no control over, and choose to understand the least.

2. Anna, the main character, wants to be emancipated from her parents. Not so she can get her hands on her trust fund, or party past her curfew. Rather, she wants to be 'medically emancipated' from her parents. The right to her own body. The right to decide whether she wants to donate a kidney to her terminally ill older sister. My first thought of Anna was of course selfish. How could she not want to save her own sister's life? She is not old enough to make those decisions herself. She will grow up to regret it. But when you read on and get to know Anna, you understand her better. It's not that I agreed with her, but you understand why she has taken such a drastic measure. Sometimes, feeling invisible is worse than any sickness. At least with sickness comes attention.

3. Campbell and Julia. Their story is a subplot to My Sister's Keeper. Nevertheless, just as engaging and kind of like the inevitable love story that's always included in a novel. I liked both their character sketch. Fate and love abandons them, only to bring them together many years after. I'm a sucker for any story that has ANY resemblance to the following: boy meets girl. boy and girl fall in love. boy leaves girl for unknown reasons. girl is devastated. boy comes back, tells girl, 'he had to leave'. Ah. There is a reason after all.

4. 'Armchair Astronomer'. Prior to this book I was not familiar with this term. But now it's a term that is perfect to describe my boyfriend. Like Brian, the father of Anna, Niroshan too is an armchair astronomer. Niroshan loves to watch space documentaries of faraway galaxies, and burning stars. If you ask him, he won't be able to recall what he did last weekend, but if you were to ask him if the sun will ever burn out, he will explain it to you in all its gaiety and particulars. Some times when I am on the phone with him and nearing the brink of sleep, I ask him to 'talk' about space. As he embarks on supernovas, gamma rays, and black holes, I will cozily fall asleep. It's like our own little story time, except I'm not listening.

5. There is a passage in the book that reads "In the English language there are orphans and widows, but there is no word for the parent who loses a child". Hmmm. Never thought of it like that. How true it is.

6. Mother. Synonymous with sacrifice.

7. This book was made into a motion picture film and was released just this summer. I have to watch it now that I have read and liked the book. One of my friend just told me last week the movie was better than the book. That was the first I heard. It's always the book that is better than the movie right? So now I am curious. Can't wait. Save me two seats at AMC Kennedy.

Achieving Greatness!

2009-09-18T03:43:00.000-04:00

One of my prayer at temples has always been, and will be, to be a good person. A good human being. What do I mean by 'good'? Not a saint definitely. But someone that characterizes humility, sincerity and happiness. A person that has come to understand, life can be beautiful as long as you are happy with the small blessings in life. Like my health. My family. The crystal faux chandelier in my room. My boyfriend, good friends, conversations and coffee. Or my mother's spicy chicken curry, and my dad's mouth watering keera curry! Every time I sneak a spoon of my dad's spinach curry right off the pot, I can't help myself but utter "sabaash!". These are the blessings of my life...

But it's not easy being good is it? So I have noticed.

With the endless pursuit of material likings, and shameless vanity, it's hard to count your blessings. Rather, it's much easier to compare and realize what it is that you weren't blessed with. Like a pretty nose for starters! hahahah. Why do we always compare ourselves to those that have more money, or more beautiful than us? What is money and beauty anyways? One, which in its very nature will never be enough, and the other, destined to quietly slip away. It's not jealousy. It's called pity. Pity on your own self. And the sad truth is, every one is guilty of it. Unless of course, your prayer was answered.

I try. Being good entails being happy. I am not always happy. And it's by my own doing than anyone else's, even God's. Because most of the misgivings in my life are my own fault. I am inevitably accountable. Like my...

to be continue'd, .......

Time is Everything....; Time is Nothing!

2009-09-17T01:32:00.000-04:00

The concept of time..., where did it come from? Which idiot thought of it. What is time anyways? Is it the long hours that never seem to pass quickly enough at work? Or is it the crawling minutes when I wait for someone outside their house? Maybe it's the 'time' that is never enough for people. Time gone too fast - youth and beauty that seemed endless at one point, is now slowly but decidedly fading with each ticks and tocks of the old clock.

I am going to turn 27 this year. TWENTY SEVEN. That's 9909 days. 237, 816 hours. All gone by. Never to come back again. Never. Jousa! Where have all the years gone? I will tell you the best years of my life; 1988-1992, 1994, 1998-99, 2000, 2005. I cant' remember the early years. I have trouble even remembering what I did last week, or who I met, so to recall times in my early years is like trying to milk alcohol out of a cow! I am sure I had the best times of my life before 1988. That's when I had grandparents, cows, dogs, and a front lawn to play all day. Certainly I would have laughed with no hint of suppression. Unlike my laugh today. It's tainted with knowledge. Knowledge that teaches you with every tragedy, that sometimes when you laugh, you will have to cry too....

That's why I never laugh too loudly or freely. If I did, I make certain for penance. It's not fair I tell myself sometimes. Why is there a dark shadow over my being, in my conscious, in the words that I speak, in the thoughts I pore, like it has seeped deep within my marrow. Why can't I be free ....like the rest of them....then I ask myself...are they? Are they free? How could I possibly know. For all I gather, they are seeing me laugh freely. People used to say I am lucky. I never understood why. Now that they know, they won't repeat the same mistake again. At least I hope not. I have changed, my life has changed, .....time has changed.

Can I bead the happy years on a string and leave the rest? How many years will I miss out. How many hours. What will be the final count. Then how old will I really be.

Why I Like to Read...

2009-09-09T02:09:00.000-04:00

Right now I am reading 'The Time Traveler's Wife' by Audrey Niffenegger. I just put that aside so I can ponder the Internet and stumbled on my blog again. Although I am loving typing this very minute, the anticipation of actually writing something always puts me off. I wonder if that negates the idea I have of me as liking to write? hmmm.

Anyways. I'm half way through The Time Traveler's Wife and I'm liking it thus far. It's very different from all the books I have read. It's an entirely new concept, well unless of course you count the movie 'Back to the Future'. But this book is different, this is a love story. It's about a guy, Henry, who is a time traveller, and his wife, Clare, who is not. Clare loved Henry when she was six. Henry only loved Clare when he was 29. That's because Henry went back in time and met young Clare, when he was married to Clare in the present. But the Henry Clare meets at 20, doesn't' know Clare, because he still hasn't met young Clare yet. ...., complicated? A tad bit!

But that's how the story goes, and it's been pretty engaging with all it's imaginative story telling. Even as I'm half way through the book, I find myself waiting impatiently for the 'big story', cause you can almost tell from the beginning that something is going to go wrong. I have to constantly remind myself to take in each page as it comes, and not rush through the story. AND why is it that all good stories, or rather heartbreaking stories all allude to death and/or loss? Maybe except Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (which I absolutely adore!) But I will write about this book (perhaps) later, right now I want to stay true to my blog title, and that is Why I Read!

Like I mentioned, I am reading The Time Traveler's Wife now. Before this, I read 'I am So Happy for You'. And before that I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling! I also read Pride and Prejudice very recently too over the summer. Next, I will be reading 'My Sister's Keeper' by Jodi Picoult and after that, 'A Fine Balance'. I know this because I have those two books ready to be read. I ordered 4 books last week on Amazon.ca. It was my first time, and it was a joyous occasion for me. The excitement of receiving a package at home through mail was surprisingly joyous.

I have always read since my younger days. I sometimes catch my dad telling relatives or guests about my reading, and sometimes rather proudly I suppose. And truth is, I am proud of my reading too. Recently, over the last year I have taken a very deliberate effort to buy books and expand my book collection. I like reading because it takes me to different worlds, and allows me to peek into different lives. People and places I would never meet or visit in this lifetime. Every book I read is like a secret world that I was allowed to step in and experience. As I let my imagination take over, I feel as though I am right there following the main characters through their lives. Sometimes, I get so attached to certain characters that I wind up overwhelmingly sad when I finish a book. I will no longer be part of their lives :(

Reading allows me to be unexceptional. I'm not the only one that has lost someone, or had my heart broken. And that I'm not the only one that reads magazines while in the bathroom. Nor am I the only one that is self-conscious. Nor am I the only one that has bad moods. It makes me realize there is far more suffering in this world than what I can account through watching movies, and news broadcasts. When you read a book, as fictitious as they may be, you know there is some one out there some where that felt this pain, and suffered through this loss. And reading personal adaptations are more significant than watching television through your eyes and ears. Reading goes to your heart, and you feel it.

The $30 Haircut!

2009-08-28T04:18:00.000-04:00

I know what you're thinking. What's so bad about a 30 dollar haircut eh? That sounds sooo reasonable in fact. Well you would be right, it would have been perfectly acceptable....HAD I CUT MY HAIR. The truth is, ..... my BOYFRIEND got a $30 haircut. That's right! 30 DOLLARS for a men's haircut. And you know what's the worst part? I HAD TO PAY FOR IT!!!

To better illustrate this highly irritable story, one thing must be said. I come from a household of men(my dad and younger brother) that pay no more, I mean NO MORE than $8 per haircut. And that's only when the salon that charges $5 is closed! So you can imagine the absurdity of paying thirty hard earned dollars for a simple haircut, and that too especially for my boyfriend's hair. URGH!

You know what's the turning point of this story is (if I can call it that)? I AM the guilty perpetrator. Because it was me, ME, MEEEE that gently coerced him into going to a high end salon to get his haircut this month! If you want to know....., it was just not any ordinary monthly haircut. He needed his hair cut for his sister's wedding, so this makes it more justifiable I suppose. There is more to it however....

I outrightly hate my boyfriend's taste in hairstyle. He likes it short and combed down. He claims it's the "only" way to look professional at work. I like it long, and slicked back. The way I first met him!!! We have had countless arguments and petty bickerings solely on this difference. What irks me more is the fact that he absolutely and positively believes he looks better with short hair!!! Trust me, I know my men, and short hair does NOT suit YOU!!!!!!!! Sorry..., oops.....I meant short hair does not suit him. If you see my boyfriend, you'd immediately agree with me. He looks so much, infinitely, better in long, slicked back hair. Just to be sure, when I say long, I don't mean long enough for ponytail long. Oh no, I passed that stage in my life loooong time ago. I only want his hair long enough, so he can casually comb it back with ease.

Over the years we have slowly (and grudgingly) come to a compromise of sort. I get to decide how he cuts his hair (muhahahha), as long as it still remains "somewhat" professional enough for work. This has worked for quite some time now, but recently, mainly due to my negligence, he had been going alone to get his haircuts. And low and behold, of course his hair is cut short short! So I decided this time I will not pass on an opportunity to excercise my right over his hair. That's why I suggested, yes I SUGGESTED that we try a different salon this time, one that has someone that can speak English preferrably. So we drove down to Markville Mall and went to a salon there. There Niroshan came with the bright idea that I should pay for this haircut, since it was I that "cared" so much. Fair enough. Atleast he trusted me. So that's why I paid.

Was it worth it for the $30? Hmmm....no not really. The lady still cut his hair, which meant it is still shorter than what he had walked in with. But was it better than his combed down, school boy look? OH Yes, most definitely. She cut it in a way that when his hair grows now, he can just slick it back and not have to worry about his fade growing out too fast. I hope this sets the standard for all future haircuts, but of course minuse the $30.

In the Absence of Love.

2009-08-25T03:53:00.000-04:00

Is it true that every one in this world has loved someone? Not the love a mother feels for her child....but romantic love. The kind of love that slowly creeps up into an unknown heart. The kind of love that makes daydreaming a favourable escape and waiting impossible. Does this mean that everyone has felt the fluttering wings of the thousand butterflies inside them? Where one starts to dream with their eyes open? But is it also possible that someone has not ever loved anyone? .....

I have always loved I believe. From the age I could remember love, I have loved somebody. Did I know it was called love then? Most probably not. But looking back, I can surely say I loved him. A childhood crush? Yes. It started like that. But fate had it that I should love him again, so I did. And I have loved him since. The day I marry him will be my happily ever after....

But thats' me. I had always been the fool for love, a hopless romantic even. That's known however. What has boggled my mind recently is a thought that stirred much interest in me. What about those that I know and positively believe never has loved someone romantically? It may be that they liked someone in their unassuming younger age, but what about now. Have they loved someone? Or is it just that I dont know them well enough.

The Green Tea Saga Continues...

2009-08-25T02:58:00.001-04:00

Hello. So here is the update. If you remember correctly, I had recently undertaken the consumption of green tea for none other than for a purely superficial reason - weight loss. It's been I think 2 weeks, maybe 2 and a half, or even close to 3 now. Oh well...but good news is,....I have, willingly and sometimes forcefully, stuck with drinking only, and I mean ONLY green tea for the entire duration. I completely cut out one of the few favourite delights in life: coffee with cream and lots of sugar. AND now...am I not only drinking green tea, but consequently I have also cut out refined sugar! How amazing is that? You would think pretty amazing if only you had known my weekly coffee consumption. I am a self-proclaimed coffee junk....., well, not anymore I suppose!

I know the burning question must be,..."so have you?" You mean, have I lost weight? Honest answer? ....Yes...at least I think so. Minimal? probably, but surely? Yes. How do I know this? Well, everyone knows the best indicator of weight loss is never the topsy-turvy scale! Rather, it's your old jeans and my favourite, an old saree blouse. I prefer the saree blouse over the jeans simply because jeans are more susceptible to waist blubber, which can be shamelessly adjusted by skipping a few meals. But the saree blouse is more stubborn. It wont, and I know this by first hand, and that is, it just wont accommodate any extra 'flesh' than what it was originally designed for! It fits around the most 'vulnerable' parts of your body, the parts that takes a long term commitment of any diet or exercises regime to notice any substantial change. That's why, when I tried on a saree blouse from my younger days, you can imagine the surprise when it had actually fit me!!! Did it fit as well as it should have? Hell NO! But at least this time I could close all the buttons on the blouse! hahahh.

So change is possible. But of course I dont want to get ahead of myself. Only one knows how many times this has been attempted at time after time. Nevertheless, this green tea is new and apparently here to stay. I have actually come to like it. I bought a more mild form than the one my parents are accustomed to, I bought the Tetley Green Tea. It's definitely less nauseating to be sure. It's a shocker, but some times I find myself craving for it too. Especially when I wake from an afternoon nap. This is soooo not Shalini. But I guess I have to grow up at some point right? For me ...green tea just might have showed me the way....

Tell Me My Love...

2009-08-12T02:39:00.001-04:00

Tell me what it is that you love so dearly about me? Is it the way I love you back? Or is it the way I find your hand, and interlock my fingers with yours? Maybe it's the way I say I love you to you. Or perhaps, it's the way I stand next to you, with as little space as possible. No. I think it's the way I brush your hair behind your ears. Or even the secret glimpses I pass your way when you are not looking. So which is it my love? Tell me what it is you love about me?

Tell me what it is that you hate so much about me? Is it because I call one too many times back when you don't answer your phone? Or is it the the few times you saw me stare out the window when you talk to me? Maybe it's the way I tell you that I want it my way. Or perhaps you think I still hold a grudge against your family? No. I think it's because I always have something smart to say about your friends? Or even the cranky voice I greet you with at times when I had little sleep. So which is it my love? Tell me what it is that you hate about me?

Music and Lyrics

2009-08-10T05:04:00.000-04:00

I have always liked Tamil movie songs. From love songs, to family songs to 'autokaran' songs. I have liked them all. So it should not come as a wonder that I understand Tamil pretty well. Actually, filmy Tamil that is. One of my favourite song is "Palamuthir Solai Enakahathan" from Varusham 16. Such an incredible song composed by Illayarajah and sung by K. Jesudas. It takes me back 20 years instantly. It is the lyrics, the meanings behind each sentence, and the subtle hints at happiness that makes this song amazing.

My boyfriend on the other hand, (I think you have met him before?) Niroshan likes tamil songs too. But strangely enough,.....he doesn't understand the lyrics. His understanding of Tamil songs is similar to what it would feel like when reading off subtitles from Tamil movies. I tell him it's not the same. And that he is missing out on much, like the lyrics and the images and sensations it evokes on an individual when listening to a song. Don't' get me wrong. The music is great too. There are many songs I do like and only like because of its music and nothing more. For example, the song "Minnal Oru Kodi Enthan Uyir Thedi Vanthathay" (Hariharan, Chitra) from VIP is onc such song. I can understand the lyrics, and it's beautiful at times, but the music is what carries the song.

If you think about, and this is what I thought about. This is not a serious problem for the newer generation, or for people like Niroshan. All the newer songs nowadays are accompanied with good, stylish modern music. So irrespective of lyrics they will continue to listen and appreciate Tamil songs. But what is lost on them are the older Tamil songs. The hundresds upon hundreds of beautiful Tamil songs filled with Tamil phrases and words. The ones that had molded the Tamil language in a way that every sentence carries a conversation with our hearts....*sigh.

In order to "correct" this unfortunate, but tolerable flaw in Niroshan, we have come to do something regularly on our car rides, especially the long rides I love so much. This is what we do. We play a Tamil song, and after each sentence or two, I pause the CD player and ask Niroshan to explain what he just heard. At times he impresses me with his descent knowledge of Tamil. But that impression is short lived mostly, as he is often lost in translation.....even after the 16th time of replaying the same sentence over and over again! The most recent attempt at this was for the song "Veesum Katruku Poovai Theriyatha" (Unnikrishnan) from Ullasam. This is a fairly easy to understand song, with day to day Tamil language. Niroshan did a commendable job, his first translation of the title was....'the flower doesn't' know the wind'. Close? perhaps...., but true to it's content? No, he has more car rides ahead of him.

I am Writing...

2009-08-03T02:17:00.000-04:00

I am writing today because I want to. And almost have to. It's just so many things have been on my mind, and in my circle and I am starting to wonder the realism of what is my life.

Do you know how I know I am old? There was a time in my life when well intentioned (or not) - uncles and aunts used to ask me, "what are you going to be when you grow up shalini?", "shalinikku enava vara virupam valantha pirahu?". I don't' remember what I used to say, perhaps a doctor? but I doubt it,.... even as a child I don't believe I was much ambitious. Nonetheless, this is what I know now. I can no longer answer that question. I am 26 for one. That constitutes 'grown up' right?! . And now that I am all grown up, I know more, and like they say ....'with wisdom comes great sorrow'. Isn't it sad really? I can never say I want to be "this" when I grow up. That time has passed me by...., were my eyes open?

Did you know sometimes he still whispers to me? He wrote me a letter today. After so many years of silence, and quite rebuttals, he decided to write me an unsealed letter. It didn't say Dear Shalini...., it began......Shalni...just like how he'd say my name. I didn't read it of course. He read it to me. I think I heard his voice. He didn't whisper this time.

How do you stop someone from crashing their own world? A world they had once built with so much love, time, patience and courage. A world that has now become too small that it is takes complete effort and concentration just to breathe. How does one escape that? What if that some one is a friend? Do you stand back and watch, or do you step inside their crushing world?

Why do so many people come into our lives, but only a few stay? Do you know the story of my life? The haunting of my pasts that still lingers around my shadows are mostly unknown to the adorned gaze. Everyday seems a struggle like another day in the past. How do you go on living when you know everything can be lost in a single moment? what am i not saying....,

What's in a Green Tea?!

2009-07-09T04:13:00.000-04:00

Green tea was one of those things that I swore to myself that I wouldn't succumb to. Not even during my most desperate attempts at weight loss. yet. YET, here I am, drinking green tea!!! What does this mean?! Oh boy, I have become utterly desperate haven't I?. It's no secret that any girl past 20 years of age, and well over 110lbs is in search of an agreeable diet (How Jane Austen of me!). And so am I. I am 26, and I weight......, HA I'm sorry, I don't think I know you well enough! Besides, this blog wasn't all about candidness was it? Either way, my weight is not the issue. I mean, my exact weight is not the issue. The issue is, like every other girl I know, well maybe except my sister right now, is trying to lose weight. Or to be more friendly to those in denial, at least are trying to "tone" their body.

I don't remember the exact day, month or even year I realized that I'm on the heavy side. I guess I have always known that I'm not skinny, but to be constantly conscious and distressed about my weight, I do not know when it started. The point is, I am still conscious of my weight. VERY conscious. Not in the, oh my god, I won't touch that chilli chicken kinda way, but in a more, damn, why did I binge on that chilli chicken way. An after the fact remorse. Something that's far too prevalent in my eating ways. Only those poor souls that have tried losing weight (not your already skinny girl, but wants to lose 5 lbs weirdo!) will ever truly know the suffering behind "trying" to lose it. Isn't that the case? Always "trying" to lose it. I can honestly say I have been "trying" for the past 6 odd years! Of course, trying is such a loosely interpreted word!

The smallest of compliments, event at the most fleeting moment, such as 'Shalini you look like you lost weight eh!' can send you into a whirlwind of pure euphoria. Thank God for nice people.

As easy as it may be to give compliments, it's not always so to receive them. That's why when you genuinely pay a compliment to a friend, she'll comeback with a 'nahhh. are you kidding me? i just ate 10lbs of kottu rotti at home'. At this point, you can make a decision; continue to imprudently gratify your friend's ego, until she gives in and finally admits to maybe losing 3lbs. Or, you can simply change the subject. The truth is, unless they themself can look in the mirror and notice a considerable change, they will always be at unease with compliments. But to be sure...., this does not apply to those that have obviously lost so much weight, and are dressing much slimmer, yet seemingly dismisses it. They call those people "crazies" in my Oor (village). HA!

Anyways, where was I? right..., so it's sooooooooooooo hard to lose weight. For me, the one that loves food. The one that loves home made rice with chicken curry, kirai, boiled mutai, kilanku porial, venkaiya samapl, and shrimp poriyal. The one that salivates at the mere thought of fries supreme!!! Oh come to me baby! Yes, so you can appreciate my struggle now can you? It's one of the hardest thing I have to do, to control the intake of "fantabulously" delicious food as my mom's vella puttu with attu irachi!!!!!

The struggle continues.............., w/ green tea.

What Ticked Me Off..., A Lot Has Apparently!

2009-06-30T02:36:00.000-04:00

My friends will generally describe me as a moody person. For some part they are correct. For instance, when I am hungry I can be quite irritated by mundane nuisances. But usually their perception of me has to do a lot more with their own inability to comprehend and appreciate dissent. I am very opinionated. Not in a worldly-affair sorta way, but in a personal my-life kinda way. If I don't like something I will say it. If I want to have things certain ways, *ahem - my way, I will ask for it. Unless I am exceedingly excited and that too about something in the near future, I usually wont' be caught grinning giddily. (*But you already knew that about me didn't you!) AND ESPECIALLY if you don't want my opinon, then don't ask for it. Simple as that right? WRONG! I am always misunderstood, and easily perceived to be ill-tempered or just plain inconsiderate I suppose. Frankly, I don't really care about their misinterpretations of my intent. When little things bother me, I speak my mind. I do this more so for my sanity than anything else. The reason I don't' feel bad about expressing my thoughts, however unfavourably they might be taken, has to do with my believe that underneath it all, when it really comes down to my core, I know I am a nice person and will not intentionally hurt anyone. Well......., not anymore at least (*when I was a kid, it was an entirely different story...muhahhaha).

I thought it would be an interesting a read to entertain my readers with such things that annoy the crap out of Shalini Murugiah. These are my personal and particular pet peeves I suppose.

1. Cheap people! one time, sure. even a next, i will let it pass. but if it's something that's obviously become a pattern, i will get pretttttty damn irritated.

2. People that make me wait! I don't mind waiting for 5 minutes, maybe even 10, anything longer however suggests to me that my time is not valued. Of course there are exceptions. But if a time has already been acknowledged, I expect full effort from both parties to keep that time.

3. Those that cannot shut up long enough to ask you how your day was! Not everyone can talk non-stop, some of us need to breath. Let the other person say what's on their mind too. They might be wanting to say something too you know....

4. People that brag! It's one thing to share good news, and a whole 180` to boast. Yes, you are rich....get over it! Yes...you are 100 lbs...., now eat something! hahhaha....! There is always a tasteful way of establishing your accomplishments...., merely speaking about it, and exaggerating finer points is not going to help you.

5. Serious people! Not everything that gets planned goes well, and not everything that is spontaneous goes awry. Mistakes happen. People are only human. Some are more prone to misfortunes than others......GET OVER IT!

6. People who belittle others! I may not be the smartest, the prettiest, or the one with the greatest job. But that doesn't mean I have accomplished little in life. Everyone has their own story of how they got to be where they are today. Not every ones milk koppee was given in a silver tray. The day you start judging people on their looks and money, the day you have become a petty human yourself.

7. Unsmiling people! If you see someone you knew once, please do smile. Friendly people are my favourite people in the world. They just have something so Godly about themselves.

8. Inconsiderate fools! It's good to have eaten. But if you had eaten at the expense of other's, are you truly satisfied? Of course not. There is a saying in Tamil..."ELL ENDALUM 7ella Pirikkannum". Remember to hold doors for others, remember to shut doors properly. Remember to clean up after yourself after using someone's washroom, kitchen. Just simply remember to be courteous and have common sense.

9. If you borrow something, please return it! If I have something of yours, please ask me, I know sometimes it's just memory that fails us. So when someone asks for something back, don't get offended. I won't.

10. Dont' take everything so personally! Sometimes, although this might come as a shock for some..................., the world does not revolve around you. Trust me on this. If I tell you something, take it as it is, do not make it personal pleassssssssssssssse!

Oru Nalla Pattu.....

2009-06-21T02:30:00.000-04:00

This is one of the few amazing things about YouTube. I was listening to some tamil songs when I came across this song, "Manil Vantha Nilave" oh so ramdomly. You will never know just how much I love this song, yet the last time I heard this song was a decade ago. This song is also a background song on my 6th birthday video, and I simply love it! Whenever I listen to this song, it makes me soooo happy-jolly, and I smile openly with a big deep breath. Though my parents will probably never have the words to express their love to us, I know if they can, it will be everything this song is about, and I hope to pass this song to their grandchildren as lullabies someday.....,.

A trip to Elanthulir (a Tamil video store at Warden & Finch) is a most definite plan now. I hope to find this movie there. It will be nice to watch this movie again with Nadiya, Rahuman and Baby Shalini. While I'm on this topic, just want to cover something pretty exciting. So for the last few weeks, I have been buying older Tamil movies from the 80s and 90s from Elanthulir. These are movies that I remember enjoying, but vaguly remember now since I haven't watched them in quite some time. Recently I rented the movies Idhayam (Murali and Heera), Karna (Arjun and Ranjitha) and Nattamai (Sarathkumar,Kusboo and Meena). These were all movies that I liked at one point, and wanted to watch again now. Anyways, Elanthulir has this folder with over 2000 + Tamil movies in their list, complete with actors names written beside each movie. This is a very rare system in Canada, hence my elaboration and excitement. For me, watching these older movies is like a happy drug.

Song Title : Mannil Vantha Nilave

Movie Title : Nilave Malare

Singers : P Susheela

Music : M S Viswanathan M S

The Fury of A Woman

2009-06-18T02:59:00.000-04:00

The fury of a women. Well, not just any woman,but the fury of my closest friend. It's a funny incident actually. Perhaps, something that will stay with me for a long time to come, and even evoke laughter at the thought of such a rumble. I guess it's moments like these that marks one's life with excitement. So here is what happened that sunny Sunday afternoon at the park.

I was at the L'Amoreaux Park with 2 of my good friends enjoying the snail-like walk we had adopted under the scorching sun. It was just past 2pm, and though we were worried about our impending, and unwanted tan, the gust of cool wind blowing past us, was just too seductive. We soaked under the sun for the next 2 hours lying on our backs on top of the lush green grass. It was time to head home, with much resentment, we dragged ourselves to the parking lot towards our cars. That's when we heard the ice-cream truck. DING DONG. DING DONG. DING DONG. I can't remember the last time I ran towards an ice-cream truck to buy an ice-cream, I was never that kid. And I wasn't any different today either.

"I think I am going to get myself an ice-cream" says my friend, hmmm....I'm going to name her, Pooja* since I haven't run this blog post by my friends, and not sure if they'd appreciate me using their real names here. Anyways, just for character sake, Pooja is my good friend from University, and I relate and respect her very much like an older sister. My other friend, Anjali* (who is my dear old friend from high school, and my closest friend till today), also decides to treat herself to an ice-cream. After all, the heavy sweating has definitely earned all of us a treat. We walk over to the ice-cream truck, and are the first ones there, behind us were 3 Chinese kids. Pooja asks for a vanilla flavoured cone ice-cream. The ice-cream lady, an old aged, dark skinned woman, with badly decayed teeth poured the ice-cream onto a cone, and handed it over to my friend.

Here's where the story gets interesting. We quickly notice that the ice-cream is not poured rightly onto the cone at all. In fact, it was so lopsided, my friend had to give it a quick lick to position it rightly on the cone. I point this out to Pooja. She acknowledges it, was not too thrilled about it, but we didn't think much of it. I mean yes we were disappointed that the ice-cream was not perfectly placed, but nothing crept passed that surface acknowledgement. Sridevi orders her cone now. She asks for vanilla dipped in chocolate. When the lady passes the ice-cream to Anjali, I notice once again the ice-cream is carelessly, and foolishly misplaced! I bring this to Anjali's attention. She was annoyed, but didn't' think it was too important. Wasn't it just going into her tummy as liquid mesh anyhow? Yet, selectively righteous me, wants to ask for another ice-cream, a pretty looking one, but more over, one that wont topple anytime soon.

*On a side note, I refer to myself as selectively righteous, because it is only in certain situations I would have the courage, or compulsion to question certain things. I know! I am flawed in many ways my friends.

In continuing my story, I see that my friend didn't really prefer, or waste her time in asking for another ice-cream. So I turn to the lady, who by the way has not even smiled once since arriving, and ask her for another ice-cream that which is properly poured onto the cone. She is evidently irritated by my request, and say NO! I put forth my request again, she glares down at me from her high open window and asks, "whaaatt dooo you mean?", in her broken English-Guyanese accent. I ask her to give my friend another ice-cream, tell her it's sloppy, and is dripping all over the place. She comes back with an even more chafed tone, and says NO. It must have been at that moment that my friend Anjali interrupted, and told the woman to give her another ice-cream or she is not paying. I am secretly excited that my friend has not paid yet, and realize this will give us the edge at the least. But, as my tone with the woman was merely a friendly, scared puppy like version. I stare back at my friend who is standing tall, with eyes protruding out with anger. Anjali tells her, "you don't talk to my friend like that and expect me to pay you. Give me a new one, or I am not going to pay you". The crusty old lady gets nasty now, and starts throwing back threats. "You better paiii me, or I weeeell call the poleeeeece". My friend doesn't' budge, stares right back and tells her to call. Of course the woman doesn't. At this point my friend is very irate, and wants to simply leave. She doesn't want to take the ice-cream without paying and tries to put it away. The lady grabs her wrists and pushes it back. Ice-cream is spilled all over my friend's shoes, and her favourite tote bag. She is overtly angry now. The woman sneers at her. My friend sneers back.

All the while, as I watch this scene unfold in front of my eyes, I can't help when my mind drifts off to the last movie I watched in theatres. It was a scary movie called, Drag me to Hell. I feel a chill run through my back as I realize the similarities. What if, I think to myself. This scene is eerily too similar to what happened in the movie. The old, Gypsy lady in the movie, puts a curse on this seemingly innocent young woman who denies her a loan to put off her imminent eviction. Whooaaa I say. This lady reminds me of that lady, a d-evil in hiding perhaps. So I urge my friend to let's go. She was in no mood to tolerate this any longer too, so she forcibly puts away the ice-cream into the van, and walks away. I was proud of my friend who stood up for herself and her right to a decent ice-cream. I mean, we could have simply ignored it, and let it go, but the lady's attitude was just too good to pass. She told me later that her fury was unleashed mainly by the lady's unwarranted anger towards me, when I had initially requested fora new ice-cream politely.

Today is my Mother's Birthday!

2009-06-04T09:04:00.000-04:00

Why I love my mother. Though she may never read this blog, or even come to know that I have a blog, I am compelled to write about this wonderful woman that I call Amma.

Amma, what beautiful images and emotions the word resonates as you say it out loud. Especially when I say Amma. My mom is a little women, with little dreams for herself, and great ones for her three children (me included). She was born and raised in Saravanai, Jaffna, Srilanka. She wasn't the best of students, her education was not hers nor her family's first priority. While her elder brothers (four of them) went onto universities, and business ventures, she was asked to quit school at tenth grade and heeded to the demands of womanhood. Cooking and cleaning. Not that she complained of course (I wouldn't have either).

Her marriage to my dad was arranged in 1980. There are many juicy, gossip worthy incidents during this period to disclose, but not here. Of course, maybe if you become a member of my family or extended family, through marriage or birth, I will one day indulge you. Now she has been married for close to 30 years. She is celebrating her 56th birthday this year. It's hard to believe she is fifty-six. For children, their parents will always be young, strong, and powerful, capable of alleviating all bad, including a 'not so clean bedroom'. For me, my mom will always be my better self. My mom is a small woman, at only 4'10. But to compensate for that perhaps, her energy is infinite. Especially if its in any way needed by my brother's presence. In the company of my mother, we are at our laziest. But in the company of my mother, we are also at our greatest debt. We can only hope to make this great woman as happy as she has made us in being our Amma.

*side note: just to be sure, a lot of how my mother has grown into a mother we love abundantly has a lot to do with the unwavering love and respect she has received from my Appa over the many years ....

This Pathetic World

2009-05-28T08:04:00.001-04:00

I have come to realize, at this moment, with every happenings surrounding our convoluted being, though it is a beautiful world in close subjectivity, it still remains a pathetic one at large. The UN and the international community have failed Tamil people at their most desperate time. This will dampen any achievements thus far....

I am questioning the very existence of UN at this point. What is humanitarianism, if you cannot defend it's values? Why do laws exist, if you cannot defend it's rationale? This is a joke. The UN is a joke. The Srilankan Government is a joke. Any person involved in this pathetic arena called politics is a joke. What is real, and what is true, is that we all live in a pathetic world!

People Are Still Laughing....

2009-05-25T02:40:00.001-04:00

Coming Soon.....,

A Sad Day for Tamils...

2009-05-18T10:47:00.000-04:00

It is indeed a very sad day for Tamils everywhere. With influx of mixed reports coming in from around the world, the truth is yet to be confirmed. And whatever the 'truth' may be, it is still a very sad day for Tamils nonetheless. The sole protectors of Tamils interest have been silenced. The question still remains what will become of the Tamils in Srilanka. Though the final days of this war were imminent, little attention was given to the days post-LTTE, as the Srilankan Government's exclusive goal was to rid of LTTE, and it's leaders, namely Prabaharan, with little regard to civilian lives. These next few days, and weeks, will be crucial in relieving the gross ethnic divide the war has spurred among the Tamils and Sinhalese, both in Srilanka, and outside. All eyes will be on Mahinda Rajapaska, and the political solutions, if any, he will put forth. Then only, will we know whether the rise of the LTTE is destined....

I am speechless for the most part. Although I questioned the tactics of the protesters in raising the LTTE flags, I will never question the sacrifice, and bravery of the LTTE cadres. They were simply young Tamils, just like me and you, born to Tamil parents. Their parents had the same aspirations and hopes for them, as ours. Yet, due to unfortunate circumstance, they had to stay behind, while the rest fled. They fought for the rights of Tamils, and brought the plight of Tamils to the world stage and that can never be dismissed. And never forgotten. As they will forever be heroes and martyrs in many hearts.

Who is D.B.S Jeyaraj?

2009-05-14T06:03:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone….I came across this article, Tigers, Tamil Diaspora and the Tamil Civilians Plights (click here) by D.B.S Jeyaraj, while I was reading an article from the Globe and Mail, (click here). Frankly, I don’t know what to think. But all I know is it's definitely something we must read too. As always, there is two sides to a story. I don’t know this D.B.S Jeyaraj guy. I didn't hear of him till today. I don’t know whether he is a "good" guy or a "bad" guy, or even if he has any credentials or his claims any legitimacy. Yet, I did read through the entire article, and I hope you will do the same. Maybe some things will be too difficult to appreciate, especially for some of you (*perhaps). Anyways…if anyone can shed some light as to who this man is, or even if I should be reading any of his stuff, please speak up. If this is news to you, maybe it sparked the same questions as it did to me….better yet…I would love to hear your opinion on his article….will you be brave enough to take a stand? Or are you just a confused bugger like me….?

*Just so you know, the above was originaly written by me yesterday night. I have new insight today. I researched some more, and I think I am liking this Jeyaraj, who happens to be a Tamil journalist based in Toronto. I will definitely write more about my thoughts on him in my coming posts....

Why Don't You Read this, .....?!

2009-05-13T01:02:00.000-04:00

Sri Lanka Puts Obama to the Test — and He's Failing
By Romesh Ratnesar - (click here for artcile)

My thoughts now.......For those that find themselves asking, what the international community can really do for the Tamils, here in this article are some answers. It's not about picking sides. Well, atleast it doesnt' have to be. Maybe Canada needs to understand this. But at the same time, maybe the Canadian government is confused. Maybe Canada thinks, if they were to talk for the Tamils they will be looked upon as sympathizers of Tamill Tigers, who are clearly declared terrorists in Canada. Can you blame them? Though the protests happening in Toronto, and around the world, have the best of intentions, the flying of the LTTE flags diminishes any strong support it might get..….it doesn't allow the outside world to distinguish between the Tamil people and the LTTE. Of course, some would claim, either proudly or accusingly, there is no difference, and it's one and the same. Yet I can't but wonder, if the flags were put aside, if we'd garner more support for a very legitimate cause….

Anyways...just some thoughts.....

Why I am TWIGGED OUT!

2009-05-12T03:51:00.000-04:00

Okay. I lied. I am in no way of being "twigged out" as they say in Twitterland. Yes, maybe you already heard. Maybe you received an invitation from me via twitter to join twitter. (Which by the way YOU obviously ignored/deleted or worse, is still unread!!!) News is, I am officially on the follow. Well, to be exact if I must. I am following three, two are following me. But keep in mind, this is only the beginning. If Ashton Kutcher can beat out CNN on receiving a following of 1 million tweeters and counting, I am sure I can ...hmm..let's say...get another 20 more to follow me? HA - I seriously doubt it. But nonetheless, baby steps are the beginnings. Oh ya, just so you know. Twigged out simply means, again in Twitterland, --- to be so hyped up on twittering that you cannot sleep. I am hardly there....trust me! Ask my followers if you must.

So what do I think of twitter? And what made me join it you ask? Well, for one. If you know me, I don't follow the mass. If everyone likes Ajith, I choose to like Vijay. If everyone likes Facebook, I choose to do blogs. It's just part of being me, shalini murugiah. I like people before they become famous, like Surya...I liked him waaaaaay before he started gelling his hair or wearing his shirt out. LOL....I liked him from his days in Nerruku Naer. Of course this doesn't mean, no one else liked him either. Except that the cult was small. I liked being part of the small group. It meant something. Of course, after Nandha and Pithagmagan that cult grew, especially after Kakka Kakka I would say. That's when all the teens, and tweens jumped in the wagon too. And I wasn't special anymore, and now he is not special to me. Anyways...the point is twitter sounded great because to me it was still unknown and untouched....

I think the concept behind twitter is just great. Such a simple idea. It's one of those things, that once you see how well it works, you are like, 'why didn't I think of it!'. Once you sign up on twitter.com, you can start posting instant messages of what you doing/thinking/eating/liking whenever, and wherever you want. This way your friends and families get to follow you, and see what you are up to too, and vice verse. Like I mentioned earlier, I am still new at this. I am still learning to maneuver around the site myself. If you get the chance, check it out. It might just take over facebook in the near future......so be ready....... (*I for one, can't wait for that day).

The March of the Tigers

2009-05-11T08:24:00.000-04:00

So here are some pictures I have managed to gather. Please click on the forward icon to skim through the pictures. My suggestion to you is NOT to double click on the image, as it will re-route you to another page.

Anyhow, going back to what I was writting. To be truthful. Although I watched and listened to all the media coverage on this event, I still don't have an opinion on it. I really don't. Was this the right way about bringing attention? I DON't KNOW. Was it wrong to do so, to spill over onto a major highway of the city? Many seem to think so, but I still don't know. But above all this, there is only ONE thing that boggles my mind. Maybe someone can clarify. What is the purpose of flying the LTTE flags at these protests anyway? Contrary to what many may argue, the LTTE flag and the Tamil Eelam flag is not one and the same. The tamil people adopted the LTTE flag if anything, because it was only them they felt a kinship to, whether forced or otherwise. Anyways, my question is, must we really fly this flag? reallY? I don't believe it serves any purpose.
I might be wrong, but I doubt it......

Why the best things in life never last forever...

2009-04-28T09:24:00.001-04:00

I had a hard time finalizing the title for this blog. I was torn between two titles. Between, 'why the best things in life never last forever', and 'why the best things in my life never last forever'.
As much truth the second title holds, so does the first. Both speak of an universal truth does it not? That nothing lasts forever. Whether it's the heart felt, loud and breezy laugh, or the pouring of salty tears over hurt feelings, everything has an end. This simple truth, if not always easily accessed, does often creep up into the thoughts of those suddenly reminiscing the beauty of life. Or if you are like me, and those near and dear to me, the misgivings of life. So that's why I went with the title you see because just like me, for everyone too, the best things in life never last forever....

It's sad really. This apprehension of over looming sadness started when I finished reading 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' by Khaled Hosseini. The Afghan-American author of the highly acclaimed novel, 'Kite Runner'. I read Kite Runner first. It was devastating. It really was. I cried at the many facets of cruelty. If Kite Runner was devastating, A Thousand Splendid Suns killed me. The book, from beginning to end, from every page I read, the words paint canvases of absolute suffering. The story might have been fictious, but the suffering all too real. You realize reading this book, that for some, happiness happens only in passing. Just to be sure, this is not about reviewing this beautifully written book. But rather, it made me write, that life, however it might have treated you, is marked by the passing of fortunes, and many misfortunes.

"She said, 'I'm so afraid. Because I'm so profoundly happy. Happiness like this is frightening. They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you."' - Khaled Hosseini
(To be continued....,)

Why Every Girl Needs a Man...

2009-03-25T03:15:00.000-04:00

So, something unfortunate happened to me Sunday night. As I was driving to work, my rear side tire blew out and I was left faced with my first quasi car accident. Quasi, because it can't be technically termed a car accident, as there were no other cars involved or even any type of bumping or thumping in fact, nonetheless, the emotions were the same. By God's grace, I have never been in a car accident (thu thu thu), BUT had I been in one, I'm sure my reaction would have been the same as that night sans all the paper work of course. It happened when I was driving southbound on DVP, just past Bayview/Bloor. I was turning a bend and suddenly I realized I didn't have control of the steering wheel, so I quickly gripped the steering wheel firmly with both my hands. AND Yup, it was certain at that point. I had no control. I switch on the emergency lights, and try my best to "drive" my car to the right shoulder and come to a stop.

I have watched many news telecast about highway accidents to know my protocol. I get out of my car through the passenger side door, climb over the guardrail and walk away from my car. It's cold and frighteningly dark and I'm all standing all alone with cars zooming by at dangerous speeds. I call the first person that comes to my mind. My father. My saviour. He picks up and I tell him what happened. He is in Hamilton, unable to come to my aid. He senses my panic and tells me not to worry. He tells me we have no choice but to call the police and ask them to send a tow truck. So I did. I dial 911. This crusty lady answers, and I tell her I have a flat tire. Unsurprisingly, she was very rude. Thinking back, I wish I had asked her why she was so rude when I was desperate for her help. BUT, that's beside the point now. She tells me that the tow truck is on it's way.

Then my brother calls me. He is with my dad in Hamilton. He asks me if I'm okay, and tells me not to be scared. I guess he sensed my panic too, now enhanced by my quivering voice and silent sobs . It wouldn't have been too hard. Anyone who knows me, knows I can't handle a crisis well. He tells me not to worry. It all happened so fast after that, and it's all a blur now, but the tow truck guy came. He said his name was Shawn. I had my brother on the line at that time, so he tells me to give the phone to Shawn and he will speak to him. They exchange some words, I hear $150. And I say to myself..."Holly crap". One Hundred and Fifty dollars!!! Why God, why? I barely have enough money to pay my OSAP this month. But like every emergency situation, money wasn't/couldn't be the issue. I just wanted my car back. I wanted to be inside it. I wanted to be safe again.

Shawn hangs up, gives me the phone and tells me to hop into his truck while he hauls my car to his truck. Once inside he tells me something that I would probably remember for a long time. "You have a cool brother". hmmm....sure, ...yes, sometimes I suppose my brother can be passed off as being "cool" ...I mean..he does play basketball and happens to be good at it. So I guess. BUT how did Shawn know this? Shawn continues..., he tells me how my brother said, "I don't care about the money, just get her somewhere safe". Of course, it wasn't his money that was at stake, so he can say whatever he wants. But I know my brother, and I know he would have done the same had it been his money. It's just who he is. It's nice to have a younger brother who has grown enough, both mentally and physically, to assume the role of a big brother. Shawn was indeed appreciative of such a brother. I was even more so.

The next day, I find out that my dad got me 2 new tires, and my car checked out to drive to work the next day. I thought to myself.....how lucky I was to have a father who handles all my problems as his own, and a brother to depend on at all times, I was always grateful, and took pride in knowing that I had a father and a brother who were always dependable, strong and affectionate. But this situation gave me the chance to thank God again for such men in my life.

Why Black Pandi Enna Kalachi'dhan

2009-03-20T02:58:00.000-04:00

Anyone who watches Vijay TV's Kanna Kannum Kalangal will instantly know my title's significance. And for those that don't…..what a shame, what a shame. This one particular friend of my brother-in-law, who just happens to have this air around him of knowing good Tamil values by that I mean Tamil cinema values, mentioned in passing that of a Tamil drama that is '...wery good...' called Kanna Kannum Kalangal, (or if you prefer translating it to English I would suggest perhaps 'Dream Dreaming Days'). So one day, with my laptop in hand and nothing better to do, I googled Kanna Kannum Kalangal and came across a site (click here ) that had a chronological order of most Tamil dramas. I played a random episode for 3 minutes and stopped. Watching Tamil drama's on my Toshiba laptop was just not my style. But maybe it was fate, because the next day my dad robbed an aunt's mega serial collection, and managed to getaway with 30 episodes of Kanna Kannum Kalangal DVDs. Since it was readily available and that too in DVDs, I decided to watch it. I have been hooked since.

There are 10 main characters. Pandi (alias Black Pandi), Joseph, Pachai, Bala, Raagavi, Vineeth, Unni, Krish, Rishi, and Sangavi. They are all Plus One students at a convent school somewhere in Chennai. The drama unravels their respective lives, goals and ambitions, all in the context of friendship. It is important to note that the main characters are split into two so called 'gangs'. They differentiate in many respects, but noticeably in their riches and rags. Pandi, Joe, Pachai and Bala belong to the rags side, with their immaculate Tamil rhetorics and village-like squanders, whereas Vineeth, Unni, Krish and Rishi ride to school in motorcycles, and speak in cocky English. Both gangs hate each other's guts, and are often found wrestling each other on school grounds, and devising plans to 'kalakira' the other group. Kalakira for those not familiar with this word, simply put means to 'tease' or 'mock'.

Somehow, someone in the Tamil serial industry realized that not all Tamil mega serials have to be about woman heroism and series of sentimental crying scenes. The writers, directors and producers of Kanna Kannum Kalangal have given MUCH importance to laughter and happiness. And they succeed ten folds in delivering such quotients. You are bound to laugh out loud throughout the show, and if you are like me, sometimes even rewinding back to capture the moment again. It reminds you of care free days where your biggest concern was finishing your chemistry homework on time, and hoping that your crush would pass a hello. Now that I'm older, and have my high school days waaaaaay behind me, it's an incredible feeling of nostalgia watching this show. Even though I love all the characters, my favourites are Black Pandi, Joe, and Vineeth. You might even say I have a crush on Vineeth. YES I KNOW! He is most probably 10 years younger than me. But like I said, it takes you back, and he reminds me of someone that I once had one of those once in a life time crushes. *wink. They even taught me some new words that I plan to incorporate in my daily vocabulary when the time is right. Next time you hear…. Kalachi'dan… or Cycle Gapila escape my lips…. don’t be so surprised, no?!

Why I Can Never Be Too Happy...

2009-02-26T04:37:00.000-05:00

Hahaha..it's been rather too long my friends! I was pleasantly happy to see that at the least some people, well....3 people, including my sister, noticed my absence. And to those a thank you and a my style curtsy. So why I can never be too happy? I have often wondered this for a long time now but with no satisfying explanation. Of course there a those easily conceivable notions , but nothing concrete and definitely not one single reason I propose. This is why I bring this question into the blogging realm.

I am a pretty simple person. Nothing too complicated or fancy about myself or my life. To be sure, this is not to say that my life has been uneventful. I had my share of consequential happenings over the years. Yet, like everything else in life, time has abated all things good and bad. So that's why I don't point to any single happening in my life to my diluted happiness. But rather, I question my own happiness when I compare it to those that are outright and visibly happy. Sometimes annoyingly happy. These people get excited about the littlest things in life. I mean, yes I appreciate the smaller and finer things in life too. But that doesn't mean I give a little yelp or smile open mouthed EVERY TIME I pass a rack of roses, or a cutesy teddy bear. And I also don't get excited or even remotely perky if I drive by a place where one of my friend or relative lives, and point it out giddily to whoever that happens to be with me. Sure, sometimes it's worth noting to someone else. And even may feel a bit excitement IF IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I PASSED BY. But to rejoice on it every time I pass by? I highly doubt it! But this is me. And this is where I question my (lack of) happiness.

I have 2 people in my life that get easily happy and/or excited by very small happenings, coincidences or tangible materials. Their gaiety is noticeable and sometimes even loud and irritating. For a soft spoken, and reserved person like myself (and that's by popular count), it can be very damaging to the ear drums, not to mention my sanity. Just to give you an image. If I was to be standing next to one of those 2 people, and it was announced over the PA that the movie we were both equally anticipating is being released next week, you would definitely notice her, because she will be the louder, the most excited and the chirpier one. And might even say ' oh my god shalini, oh my god!!! I cant' believe it. We have to go!!! We have to go!!! I am soooo EXCITED!!!". So my question is....does this mean she is more excited/happy about the movie than me? But whhhyyyy? I AM HAPPY TOO. I don't know how to show it (or think I have to), but I AM. I swear. And here lies my dilemma. If I was to show my excitement, this would have to be a conscious effort on my part, and that take a lot of mental work. OR I can simply choose to be myself, appreciate life, and dwell in my own happiness. And yes sometimes this passive approach can be often passed off as unfriendliness, grumpiness, and sometimes even jealousy. But I choose to be true to myself. Because faking happiness and excitement is not my cup of tea. Nor am I that pretentious for it to come so naturally. It's just who I am. This, of course by no way indicates that the other person 'fakes' it either. That's just who they are. I know this because I had this conversation with one of the 2 people. She, for most part, IS genuinely happy and excited about small matters. Do I wish I can be that way? Yes, sometimes. But does this mean I am dead inside? Of course not. I AM excited about the camping trip in May. I AM excited about my pay cheque this Thursday. I AM very happy to know that Ageesh is in the finals of Super Singer 2009. So it's not like I lack Serotonin. Maybe my friends just have a little more....

Does this mean I should worry and question myself about why I can never be too happy? No, I definitely hope not.

Movie of February: Arangetra Velai

2009-02-25T09:36:00.000-05:00

It is always a great feeling to watch a classic tamil movie. This month I am recommending 'Arangetra Velai' starring Prabhu, Revathy, Janagaraj and V.K Ramaswamy. Directed by Fazil, this slightly dark comedic movie is one of my all time favourties. Prabhu and Revathy were at the prime of their career during this time (1990), and their bickering as supposed enemies is very enjoyable to watch. I have always smiled to myself whenever watching this movie as it reminds me of a time long ago of care free innocence and lastingness. And not to mention, this movie features the beautiful song Agaiya Vennilave Arangetra Vellaithano by Illayarajah.

The movie begins with Prabhu coming to the city to work for a company his dad had previously worked at until his untimely death. Back in those days in India, it was common practice for young adults to inherit among other things, the jobs of their parents as well. Most companies had this as a policy. However, due to some misunderstandings (very funny ones by the way) the company turns down his employment offer and he is now forced to live in the city until he solves this issue. In the meantime, he rents out a room at V.K Ramaswamy's house, but really is a theatre company too. The fun and frolic begins the moment the movie begins, but it is only after the entry of Revathy does it become a laughing riot of sort. It is a movie of many genres, but two most prevailing ones are comedy and mystery. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did again this month.

Lose Weight in 3:34 minutes!

2009-02-19T15:20:00.000-05:00

I came across this video while searching for a tamil drama that I wanted to start watching called "Kana Kannum Kalangal'. Of all good and important things to share in this world, forgive me for sharing this with you today. Totally unrelated, this was on the website's most viewed video section and no wonder it was! Initially I thought this video iis going to break down the process of losing weight in relation to a woman's anatomy. And since I'm always looking for the most practical and by that I mean easiest and cheapest way to lose weight, I clicked play and bore witness to the illusions of our lives. If the 'master' can accomplish this with a chubby chum like the girl in this video, I can only imagine the possibilities that lie ahead for me....(*shalini laughs here).

Anyone interested to take a course in photoshop with me?!

Naan Kadavul, I AM GOD.

2009-02-18T02:59:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: I am attempting to write this post, knowing completely well that I will not do justice to this captivating movie. You can only truly experience it yourself.

I have been anticipating the release of Naan Kadvul for quiet some time now. It was publicly announced that Bala's forthcoming movie after the stupendous success of Pithamagan, would be titled Naan Kadavul. This was 3 years ago. After much production and financial controversies, Naan Kadavul has finally arrived at the silver screens. And thank Kadavul it did! There were two important reasons why I was anticipating its release. One. Director Bala of course. He gave me Sethu, Nandha and Pithamagan. I had greatly appreciated all 3 movies for their simple and straight forward story telling, top notch performances and awesome direction. Two. Arya. Arya's first tamil movie was Ullam Ketkume, in which he did a pretty decent job. But it wasn't until Arinthum Ariyamulum that I took notice. And now, I was looking forward to Arya's performance in a Bala film, as we all know what Bala did for Vikram's and Surya's career.

So when Naan Kadavul was finally released at Woodside Theatre I was in high spirits. I caught the 7:30 show with a friend. She herself was very excited too as Arya, in her own words 'is the hottest tamil actor ever', and also like me, she was a serious fan of Bala's work. And although I had read one review for the movie beforehand, both of us didn't have any inkling to the storyline however. Which by the way I believe is the best way to watch any movie, and especially this movie. With that being said, I can't give away much about the story, except that it will first gently touch, then abruptly scorch your heart. I have watched MANY movies that brought tears to my eyes, but ONLY Naan Kadavul made me want to bawl, kick and scream all at once. I was ready to cry out 'why God why' right there inside the movie theatre. The perpetual emotions of guilt, remorse, sadness, and anger are far entrenching and become exhausting by the end of the movie. Yet, this is a movie that we must ALL brave through, as it depicts life in its most brutal and realistic facet.

I don't know Director Bala's intentions in making this film. Was he questioning the existence of God? or was he simply exposing the hardships of people often forgotten by our society? So many questions I would ask him given the chance. And so many discussions that can begin by carefully exploring the themes of this movie. But like everything else that is good and complicated, I am afraid that this too will be forgotten perhaps. You may question whether you should be watching any movie in such troubling times like today. Rest assured however that you don't have to worry about this when watching Naan Kadavul. It was absolutely okay for you to skip out on Vijay's Villu and Simbu's Silambattam. But, when a movie like Naan Kadvul comes your way, please stop and take notice. Naan Kadavul was more than a movie for me, it was an experience and like my friend said to me 'it was a reality check'. After watching this movie, my only hope for you (and for myself too) is that we will never again complain or cry for the merely passing dark clouds of our lives....

I Want My Money Back, Tim Horton's!

2009-02-13T01:45:00.000-05:00

It wasn't the first time, BUT it sure was funny this time around....well at least to me. I know others (*cough) will simply email me to exclaim my obvious stupidity. And to those I say, I am well aware, thank you!

It takes me exactly 25 minutes to get to work on any good day. To be at work at eleven, I leave my house at 10:35, not one minute earlier. (This little bit of information by the way was not in any particular way important to the story). Today I left my house 5 minutes earlier than usual to grab a chicken salad sandwich from Tim Horton's. If you haven't tried their chicken salad, I suggest you do. It's cheap and damn tasty. Mmmmmm. Anywyas, so I made a pit stop at the Midland and Steels timmy's and waited patiently at their drive-thru for some 3 cars to pass. During this wait, my mind started drifting off as it usually does when I'm idling. I started thinking about buying my sandwich, driving to work and then opening the wrapping only to find that the sandwich wasn't the chicken salad I'd ordered! I started pondering my options then. I could take a bite now and then in the morning I would drive back to the same timmy's, return the sandwich and demand....who am I kidding..... I meant ask for a refund (this will clearly indicate I don't want their business). Or I can simply eat the alternate sandwich they did give me, in which case they will never know they made a mistake.....hmm....and what if they put too much sugar, it's one thing to have little sugar, but when it's too much......what will I do I pondered on.....

"Welcome to Tim Horton's, may I take your order?"a voice came over the microphone. "Yes, ummm can I please have the chicken salad sandwich and a large double double. Thank you". I grabbed a twenty from my bag and headed for the drive-thru window where (of course) a Tamil lady waited with my coffee and sandwich. I grabbed the coffee first, gave the 20, then grabbed the sandwich and drove off. YES, I drove off!!! That's right, without my change!!! Worst part, I didn't realize I had done this tilll I had driven another good 15 mintues. I had been so preoccupied by pondering their possible mistakes, that I wasn't even anticipating to make my own stupid one. Now what to do...? If I turn back, I'd be really late for work. If I don't, I just gave away 15 mighty dollars as tip. Will they still give it back if I go in the morning and tell them my mistake? but what if the lady who served me left for the night? The more I thought, the further I was driving off...AND I'm in no way wealthy by anyone's standard to bypass 20 dollars for a coffee and sandwich. All these thoughts, so little time. I ended up pulling a u-turn. It wasn't much of a u-turn, as it was a few left turns and then some right turns, but within another 20 minutes I was back at the drive-thru. "Welcome to Tim Horton's, may I take your order?"umm..Yes....I think I forgot to get my change..", "sorry, can you pleaes repeat your order?" "no,..I don't want to order anything, but I left my money here by mistake"..."please repeat one more time"..."my money...i left it here!!!"......"okay ma'am. I will have to ask you to order at the window". CRAP.

As I drove up feeling very childishly embarrassed I see that the same lady is at the window again. Just then I hoped they didn't interpret my silliness, as a 300% bound gratuity for themselves, which I will have to take away now. I smile awkwardly. "Hi..umm..I think I forgot to get my change from before?". She looks at me funny. I'm still smiling. "What did you buy?" she utters. I quickly point to the sandwich bag and coffee next to me, and say "a chicken salad, with toasted whole wheat bread and a large double double coffee, and I gave you a twenty dollar bill. I also asked you for extra sugar?", reasoning that the more details I give her the more legitimate my claim will be. But she simply goes away, comes back with my change, hands it over with no good nights or buh-byes. And yes, I was late for work too. It didn't' bother me the slightest bit though, I just got my money back! Hurray for Shalini! Wow, who knew placing an order at Tim Horton's will involve such anecdotes.

Hate 'em suckers!

2009-02-12T03:26:00.000-05:00

This is a post about why I hate guys, or should I say boys. I hate all guys! Exception to this premise is of course my dad, brother, boyfriend, brother-in-law, some uncles and very few other guys that I actually like. And oh yea, please include Vijay too in this list. He is still cute. Well....you get the point right? I pretty much hate guys that are mean, cruel, dumb and ugly! Yes, they are all ugly, because to me, if a guy has no personality, no kindness at heart, he IS ugly. And I think a lot of girls will agree with that statement, because ultimately it's the guy's personality that draws us to them. Notice I said ultimately, because I am well aware of our weakness too.

Boys are a peculiar creature. They taunt us when we are children and have been destined to break our hearts when we love them. Every girl in her lifetime must have had her heart broken at least once by a stupid little guy. This is okay, that boy can be forgiven. Love is not love if it wasn't bitter sweet at best of times. And of course the saying 'it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all' is the mantra of romantics everywhere. But what boggles my mind, is the fact that men, cause they are flippin' old men now, (again, by old I mean guys in their late 20s or early 30s) still find ways to break our hearts! After years of maturing, and novel life experiences, is it so hard to be honest and true to the person you claim to like? Why would any guy get into a relationship, especially that too with a tamil girl and not have the balls to commit? As girls we are inherently emotional and have good faith in love. That's why when we love a guy, we love him truly and completely. And to top that, we are Tamil! We want to marry the first guy we go out with!!! And for any guy to dismiss that as anything else, is an A#$! These slime dogs will take advantage of such girls, and not think twice about it. I know today those guys might think they got what they wanted, and might even believe they are happy, but a life of guilt and pettiness awaits them.

And oh yea....Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I'm sorry that everyone else had to read this post. You know how it is, sometimes you just have to expose those that cheat and lie. By the way, if anyone is thinking I wrote this in a fleat of anger against my boyfriend....lol....you are mistaken, I still love him very much!

Why You Should Watch Poo!

2009-02-11T03:28:00.000-05:00

Here is the challenge. I'm going to try to get you to watch a tamil movie called 'Poo' (flower) by the time you finish reading this post. Most likely I will fail to get everyone reading to watch it, but if only one person decides to watch it, I would surely pat my back. If you are like me, you like tamil movies. Period. Yes there are plenty of pitiful story lines, ever more pathetic heroes and condemnable logic in all fight scenes, but at the end of the day, tamil movies are still greattttttt. It's only natural that I like tamil movies. I grew up watching all of them, singing their songs and not to mention that it always brought my family together in one room. It's the tamil movie industry that gave us Varusham 16, Mouna Ragam, Thalapathy, Sethu, 16 Vayathiniale, Manathil Urudhi Vendum, Bombay, Mahanathy and Chinna Thambi. All of which I highly recommend by the way, and which you should definitely watch at one point in time. And of course, there are hundreds more that I can not possibly list. Hey wait a minute...that gives me an idea. I think I will begin to add a segment to my blog where I'd recommend older tamil movies. Kind of like a service by a tamil movie enthusiast (me) for the inevitably insensible canadian-tamil youth of tomorrow. lol. But it's true. I don't think the tamil kids of today (by kids I mean anyone younger than 23 like my brother) will appreciate or fathom older movies like we did. Yes my brother likes Thalapahty, but are they for the same reasons as mine? I highly doubt it. But one thing is for sure. Earlier movies all had meaningful, competent and engaging storylines, something that is rarely seen or encouraged in today's movies. Going back to my topic, so why should you watch Poo? It has a story. And if you have ever loved someone completely, yet with the innocence and possibility of childhood you would appreciate this movie ten fold over.

I will take careful steps not to spoil the movie if you read on...promise! The main character, Maree has always, as far back as she can remember, been heads over heels in love with her uncle's son, Thangarasu. Like a typical village belle, Maree is not educated, and spends her days working at a firecracker factory in their village, while Thangarasu goes onto finish engineering at an out of town university. Maree's longing to be with Thangarasu, and Thangarasu's inability to amount to his dad's expectation is the crux of the movie. Obvious differences and similarities between both characters' hopes and dreams are etched beautifully within the backgrounds of an eventual cultivation of true love. But from the first 10 minutes of the movie, you'd realize this is not your typical movie, nor your typical ending. This movie is simple, beautiful and straight to the point. No unnecessary comedy (the little comedy it has was actually funny here), no one man army fights, and not even lavish dance sequences. This is as uncomplicated and enjoyable a tamil love story can get at this time and age. Perhaps gone are those days of Mounna Raagam, but yet through movies like Poo we can certainly capture some of that magic. This is definitely a movie for the hopeless romantics in all of us, because sometimes being able to love someone completely is a gift on its own.

Random Thoughts to Start Again

2009-02-10T04:21:00.000-05:00

With all the hustle and bustle of even my unregarded life, it is no easy task to keep blogging. In the last 2 weeks, without intending to, I had somehow managed to only focus on topics that was relevant to the raging war back home. And now that I have strayed,.... I don't know how to get back to what I was doing. This is the reason behind my delay in blogging for the past few days. I'm lost. My mind is lost for words. How does one blog about the plight of Tamils one day, and then continue to blog about Super Singer the next day. Will that make me a hypocrite? As much as I want to do everything, like I said before, it's not that I don't care, but my capacity to reach out is very much flawed. Would that be sufficient to become a judge of character? A lapse in compassion? I definitely hope not.

Many things go unnoticed in the background confusion of our existence. I still don't know how this war came to the forefronts of my life, but it did. It must have been the despicable comments posted by 'supposed' citizens of this world on the CBC website, and the meek conversations I must have heard at home between my parents that made me think twice about it. My blogging about anything related to the war was a mere personal outlet of guilt and helplessness. It was in no way an indicator of my partiality over other Tamils here in Canada. By some wanting on my part, I had the chance to go to 2 protests. I was awestruck by their solidarity and dedication. There were true champions among the crowds, and because of them, voices were heard. And I humbly salute them.

And on my part, I will try my best to appreciate and love all things that is good, and question those that is evil. My prayers will still continue, and with this being said I will soon find myself again.

The John Moore Show: Part One

2009-02-05T04:30:00.000-05:00

John Moore: (of course bare in mind that he has a very strong husky domineering voice with plenty sarcastic undertones at most times)

"Supporters of Israel will often point to other situations in the world and say..okay, where is the outrage? And I think they definitely have a case as to what has been going on in Srilanka since 1948. But in the last couple of months the Srilankan government has effectively declared war on the Tamil Tigers, not that they haven't been at war since the 1970s. But they launched a campaign to drive the Tigers into a very thing wedge of land and to fight this to the end. And here is a quick history lesson, cause I realize, you know, not a lot of people have any idea what's going on. So I do this as a public service. Some body may accuse me of bias, but it's just to the best of my knowledge and the study over the last couple of years of the situation. The largest ethnic group of Srilanka comprises of the Sinhalese. They are about 80% of the population. There are various estimates about how many Tamils there are in the country. Figures of 5 and 10 % have been recorded in the past. But it's also instructive to note that since Srilanka gained independence about half of the Tamil population either left the country or have been killed. Tamil roots in Srilanka go back to ancient times but a large portion of the population was brought in from India by the British for cheap labours. So another colonial issue! But the hard-line amongst the majority population is that the Tamils have no business being in Srilanka at all. Why don’t' they go back to India. Sound familiar? Ya well, Palestinians, why don’t they just go back to Egypt and Jordon.

Srilanka gained Independence in 1948, and almost immediately the government ushered in laws that favoured the majority population and very soon it began to actively oppress the Tamils. Trying to suppress their language, suppress their culture. The hope was, and we tried this in Canada, we tried this with the natives, and the French speakers. It's been tried in many jurisdictions. The hope was the Tamils would say "screw this and if I really want to get ahead I'll just blend into the population and I will give up on my language and my culture and my kids will have a better future". Well, that didn't work and it didn't happen. Over the years, remember, this started in 48, the Tamils have been so beaten down, that they started to fight back like many groups do when they have been beaten down. This promoted the government, which routinely ranks as one of the most corrupt and one of the world's greatest human rights violators to crack down. They've been VERY successful branding the Tamil Tigers as terrorists, mostly because the Tamils have done some pretty terrible things! But bare in mind again, the world seems to love the Palestinians in spite of suicide bombings. The Tamils? Not so much.

The government has been engaged in an ongoing campaign to confine the Tamils to a certain geographical location. And they engage in and have since the 1970s in routine detention and torture and murder. Srilanka for example is one of the leaders in the world of enforced disappearances. That's known as, daddy goes outside, van picks up daddy, you never see daddy again. Shades of Panache? So in retaliation to the detention, torture, murder and disappearances, the Tamils have become more and more aggressive over the years. But because most people don’t' know what their complaint is, it has made it every easy for the Srilankan government to bran Tamil Tigers as merciless terrorists who bomb, kidnap, murder and who use child soldiers. AND they have done all of those things! The Srilankan government IS right now engaged in a systematic campaign to stamp out the tigers, this is a merciless military effort AND it is resulted in 100s of civilian casualties. AGAIN. The outrage at civilian casualties in Gaza. Where is the outrage here?I don't think I have to draw a real map or start doing tables, or pull down the big screen and pull at the pointer to illustrate there are tremendous comparisons between Israel and the Palestinians and Srilanka and the Tamils. But there is no....not only is there outrage, there is no INTEREST. Where is Sid Ryan on Srilanka? Where is OUR government on Srilanka? People would button hole the PM in a snap to ask him what he think of, or the foreign minister, to ask them what they of something happening in Palestine. But our government has not had to utter a whisper about what is going on.

I hope that gives you a bit of a map of what's going on and why at the very least, and you should note there are 200,000 thousand, because of the situation, there are lot of expatriate Tamils, and they're estimated to be 200,000 thousand right here in Toronto. Which is why the issue bubbles up. But they don’t get a lot of good publicity, because, given the record of the Tigers, who some people would see as resistance fighters, and others would see as trying to over throw the government. Now our government has joined others in branding the Tamil Tigers as a terrorist organization, and so they want to cut out the funding and they labeled the cause as illegitimate and any action they take as illegitimate."

"George is calling from Brampton.... "(to be cont'd).

A Public Service by John Moore

2009-02-03T02:50:00.000-05:00

If John Moore, a white Canadian and a radio host at Newstalk 1010 CFRB from Toronto, can do a public service for the Tamil people, I think I can definitely do my little part too. I know most of us were notified of his pending discussion on our war, but how many really got the chance to listen to the brief, yet far-reaching broadcast? I am not sure, but I listened and also had it recorded it on an audio cassette. Lol, I can't even remember the last time I used a cassette player!The next day I tried to search for the broadcast online, so I can e-mail it to family and friends, but to no avail. Maybe my attempt was weak, in which case, if anyone reading this has an audio file of that particular show, please email me! Thank you!

The point was, I was naturally captivated by the show, but more so of the person behind the microphone. I didn't know there was a John Moore from CFRB prior to this show. Actually, I didn't know any John Moore! I didn't listen to CFRB, I only listened to 680 News and AM640 during my morning drives. But that has definitely changed now. Since the show aired last Thursday, I am slowly becoming an avid fan of their radio station. Any show discussing the war in our land has definite credibility, but it's candor towards Tamils should be heard by everyone. John Moore was right to have done this. I wish we had more people with character like him, and who can also speak like him, because it's his manner and tone of speech that made every sentence stand out on its own right. But the truth is, not many people in our Tamil community can be neutral to the situation in Srilanka. So I'm glad that a person like Moore, somehow someway, thought that he should speak his mind.

'...I do this as a public service' - John Moore, Newstalk CFRB 1010

John's public service was to the Canadian population. He wanted to educate the general public to the issues faced by Tamils in Srilanka. He did this by giving a brief history of Srilanka, some facts about the war, and a well presented parallel of our war to the Israel-Palestinian war. To be sure, I am not saying he supported the Tamil Tigers. Actually, at the beginning I was rather afraid of his attitude and his standoffish disposition, and thought he might in fact end up patronizing the Tamils. Yet, all this, combined with his discourse, ended up making the program a bona fide attempt at truth. Here is my public service to the tamil people. For those that unfortunately (yes it is unfortunate) missed his discussion, I have decided to transcribe his show in written format. I will write it to the best of it's originality, and just so you know, it is very time consuming, so I will have to break it up into 2 parts. If I am taking my time to write it, I kindly ask you to take yours to read it...

Speak up, and You Will be Heard

2009-02-02T02:37:00.000-05:00

Mahatma Gandhi once said "You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result". How true those words ring true even today. Like I said, and anyone reading my blog would understand, I had been immensely confused as to my part as a Tamil Srilankan amidst everything that's been going wrong in Srilanka. I was one of the few fortunate ones, not to have had any direct grievances from either the Srilankan government OR the Tamil Tigers. And, I realize this is not the case for many other people, especially the generation before us, our parents and grandparents, who left Srilanka only after witnessing the atrocities from both sides. I also know, that while I was fleeted off to Germany at a young age, there were thousands of more children who stayed behind and ultimately faced the wrath of the Tigers or the Srilankan government, and sometimes, both.

Now, fast forward 20 years, and I am once again living among those children here in Canada, of course, today they are grown adults. Every one of them have their own legitimate and equally compelling reasons as to why they support the Tigers, and despise the Srilankan government, or, in some cases, fervently loathe both sides. I can not and will not argue with them, or even try to prentend to understand them, because I know that will be a slippery slope. Like I said, they have their reasons, and all the while I am dismally struggling to find mine. You would think that being impartial towards both sides (I know I'm Tamil, but I like to think that my education and compassion towards life itself will allow me to look past that) gives me the edge that one needs in accessing such situation objectively, but boy were you wrong. There is way too much information, and sadly, all available information is fuelled by hate and prejudice. And again, I was left alone to determine my loyalty.

As I was pondering my intentions, that's when news from back home had become impossible to ignore. That day I wrote my first blog about my feelings toward the situation, feeling helpless and ignorant at the same while, I knew I had to write. The following day, I heard the young man (whose name I still don't know) talk about the protest outside the Srilankan consulate on CMR 101.3 FM, that's when I knew I had to do something. At the least, I had to start reading on the subject. And that's what essentially prompted me to attend the mass Human chain protest in downtown Toronto on Friday. Frankly, I didn't go there because I wanted the Srilankan government to retreat. And I didn't go their to chant about LTTE either. Heck I didn't even go there to denounce the Srilankan government. But I knew one thing will be certain. Taking part in the rally will show solidarity and commitment among the Tamils. I also knew that every single person at the rally had their own reasons to be there that day braving the bitter cold weather. Whatever their reasons were, I know one single reason prevailed all others. And that was to bring a voice for the innocent people of Eelam.

Though the road ahead seems troubled, I am genuinely appreciative and much respectful of the volunteers who organized this momentous event, and who continue to tirelessly to do many more. WHATEVER any one's reason was for taking part that day, and regardless of the little annoyances we may have caused the commuters that night, it goes without saying YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE. And how do I know this you ask? ...when the war in Srilanka intensified beginning of this week, I failed to find a single decent news coverage from the media. Even when I did, it only left me feeling distressed to say the least. However, since the beginning of the protests in and around the city, every single news media covers the Srilankan war in some form or another. If you don't believe me? ...well you really should, 'cause I wouldn't lie, but just in case you don't, check out today's (01/02/09) Toronto Star, Citynews, and CBC's web portal, I didn't even have to go further than the front page to get coverage of our war. Except for CTV though, grrrrrr.

And as for Gandhi....he was right. Again!

Human Chain Protest in Downtown Toronto

2009-01-30T08:26:00.001-05:00

Here is the information I gathered from one of the organizers, Vel Vivekananthan, who came on CMR 101.3 FM this morning.

People coming to downtown, Toronto today to show their solidarity and support for the Tamil civilians in Eelam, are asked to come to Union Station at exactly 12PM! Anyone arriving after that have been kindly asked to join the others in either St. Patrick's Station or Dundas Station. Many volunteers will be available at every corner to guide and help everyone. The main streets you want to be coming to are Young, Bloor, and University. People are also asked NOT to bring anything with them, except to have dressed appropriately for the weather. This will make efforts to move around people much easier for everyone. You have until 6PM tonight to come lend a hand.....

A Voice Among the Silence

2009-01-29T05:21:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone, I came across this little bit of information just in the nick of time and I am eagerly waiting for its broadcast today. The John Moore show, hosted by John Moore on CFRB 1010 in Toronto, will be discussing the current events unfolding in Srilanka and the minimal attention it has been, and continue to be given, by the the international community, and the media in particular. I am both really surprised and gratified that we are finally getting some exposure within the mainstream media. And i know that many Canadians will be listening to that show on their ride back home from work/school/etc.. But here is the confusing part, so read carefully. The show was scheduled to air yesterday, but had been postponed to air today (January 29th) at 6:00pm. Luckily, I received this information just in time. However, on CFRB's website, it claims The John Moore show begins at 4:00pm, so it might just be that he will discuss this at the last hour of his show, but regardless, I urge everyone to tune in at 4:00pm and keep their radio on till the last minute. Listeners will also be given the opportunity to call in to voice their opinions and thoughts. That number is (416) 872 1010 - just in case.

*if not now, when?

Tamils Protest in Toronto!

2009-01-28T00:31:00.000-05:00

It wasn't too long ago that I expressed distaste for my inaction to help the people back home. I have since been preoccupied with reading article after article about our war. I can't but feel inspired by the many voices raised against the war in Srilanka. Of course, this is mainly done by the many people who have voiced their thoughts on articles through the commentary section. I have also ventured to post some comments on my own, and I hope that you will too. In the meantime, while I was driving to work I heard this young man on the Tamil radio station CMR FM 101.3 . He was being interviewed by the broadcaster. I didn't even catch his name, but I was memorized by him. He spoke passionately, and he spoke intelligently. He urged all Tamils and Canadians alike to come show their support in denouncing the Srilankan government and the killings of innocent civilians in Vanni. He went on to say that at the beginning there were only 25 students outside the consulate, then it grew to 50, then 100, and now there were over 2000 people protesting outside in the bitter cold, and said they will be outside the consulate until someone answers their plea, no matter how long it takes. There was even an apparent confrontation between the protesters and the staff inside the consulate. The staff had denied the protesters to have a peaceful sit-in inside their compound claiming that every SINGLE of the protesters outside were LTTE supporters and called them terrorists. This had caused rather understandable tension during the peaceful demonstration. And that's all I gathered from the short interview.

As soon as I logged onto my computer at work I did some digging. To my dismay, none of the mainstream media had covered this story except for The Toronto Sun, and 680 News. I have a sense of gratitude towards them for this simple gesture that the other major news broadcasters and papers had curtly ignored. Click here for a video of the protest from The Toronto Sun and click here for the article. And now, (the decision was made today) I am planning to go and join my fellow people in the protest tomorrow outside the Srilankan consulate. It has become too hard to hide behind the veil of ignorance any longer. To be sure, I am not going because I want to support the LTTE, or even to denounce the Srilankan government. I am simply going to stand among the thousand others that are already there pleading for lasting peace.

*If not now, when?
Srilankan Consulate, 40 St. Clair Avenue West, Toronto (Young St. & St.Clair)!

What Becomes of Them?

2009-01-27T05:50:00.000-05:00

Even before I had the chance to see it myself, I was given a link by a friend to the CBC website to read an article. Click here to read the article. It has been over 2 years since the news first broke out. It was on every news channel, newspaper, and common discussions in Canada (and perhaps also in some other few countries where they'd know Srilanka existed). It had all the ingredients to make it the top story of the time. Educated immigrants, technology savvy youth, FBI undercover operation, banned terrorists, weapon smuggling. This is what news are made of. Then, within months, people stopped. People stopped asking questions, stopped wondering whatever happened to these men. And the truth is, people stopped caring because it wasn't their brother, father, or boyfriend. Like I said, it's always easiest to be a bystander than to raise your voice.

Unfortunately, they are back in the news. Two of the four, Sathajhan Sarachandran and Nadarasa Yogarasa, accused and detained in New York for aiding and funding the Tamil tigers. Both have now plead guilty to the numerous terrorist charges against them. Why they decided to do so? I don't know. What will become of the other 2 who are going ahead with their trial? I don't know. I don't have many of the answers, but I will ask one more question, will they be considered ordinary men who answered their extraordinary callings? you tell me!

A Hidden Silence

2009-01-26T11:15:00.000-05:00

This is the confession of a bystander. There is no easy way to do this. In fact, I don't believe I should even start. But to say nothing, to be in silence, is shame. And to speak of it, only unveils more deeply drenched shame. In spite of the recent 'developments' in Srilanka, I have consciously forsaken the people back home. And that's a shame I will have to live with for life. Maybe it's because I left Srilanka at an early age. Maybe it's because my parents didn't ingrain us with their struggles through the war. Maybe it's because I can't read or write enough Tamil to comprehend the broadcasts and articles about our war. Maybe it's because I have been socialized into a peaceful community devoid of conflict, thousands of miles away from home. Maybe it's because I give importance to daily mundane problems that I have no time for worldly affairs. Maybe it's because between work, family and friends, I have no time. Maybe it's because I don't have a strong voice and no one will listen. Maybe it's because my patriotism is divided. Or frankly, maybe it's because I don't even know what it means to be patriotic. Whatever the reasons may be, this much I know for sure. I am not in the front lines of this struggle. I'm not even in the march, I am standing, allow me to correct that, I am sitting by the sidelines as a mere bystander. AND, that makes me deeply sad and utterly shameful.

Today Niroshan asked me if I would ever consider moving back to Srilanka. I laughed at his unassuming rhetoric. Then I simply replied, I don't deserve to go back. We have all watched and read movies and novels of epic heroism, where seemingly ordinary men do extraordinary things. I have often pondered whether faced with such dire circumstances, if I'd be capable and strong enough to rise up to the challenges. Now - I have my answer. The calling is here. I am hearing my name loudly and clearly in every sentence of the stories I read. This should be my time to do the little I can. Yet, here I am. Hidden behind the comforts of the screen you see in front of you. Afraid to speak up, drowning in this hidden silence.

Have You Seen This Man?!

2009-01-22T02:04:00.000-05:00

I know a lot of our uncles resemble this clever culprit pictured near, but he is not Tamil. Kudos for that! His name is Sethuraj Mokada, a Newmarket CIBC employee, now suspected of defrauding his bank and his customers close to $2 million dollars. And now he is missing ?! A Canada-wide warrant has been issued for his arrest. An internal investigation by CIBC Corporate Security has traced numerous unauthorized transactions from CIBC customers to an account overseas under Mokada's name. Their investigation suggests that the fraud had been going on for the past year, where funds were being transferred out of unsuspecting customers' accounts. This is just another friendly reminder to always keep your balances in check! Your respective banks don't just send out regular monthly statements for nothing ... Anyhow, if you do see this uncle...please contact Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS.

A Moment in History

2009-01-21T03:24:00.000-05:00

Waking up today, or even after faithfully watching the inauguration of Barack Obama as president this morning, I didn't think I'd be blogging about Obama. I am always stepping aside when it comes to the new 'craze'. The only reason I watched Obama's inauguration is because I didn't want to miss out on 'history being made'. But going by my earlier comment, this makes me a hypocrite does it not? Oh well, because sometimes a moment is too powerful to be forgotten...

For anyone who watched the inauguration on television today it was hard not to be but astonished by the MILLIONS of people in front of Capital Hill. They came from far and wide, and withstood the bitter cold for hours, just to hear one man speak. ONE MAN. It's hard to even begin to comprehend the enormity of what happened this morning, January 20, 2009. Tomorrow all of America, and the world, will wake up to a new President of the United States of America. With all this gaiety revered by gush of triumphs and hope, it's difficult to sit on the sideline and watch the world celebrate. May be that's why I felt my heart choke up when I REALLY thought about what this means for the African Americans. And that's when the thought struck me. In another world, in a parallel universe to this one, imagine a Tamil born Srilankan becoming the first Tamil President of Srilanka. Ours is only a dream now. But for the Blacks in America, they are realizing their dream today. It only seems fit to celebrate with them. Hence my blog was written in their triumph.

With dreams come hope....

Grand Opening - Walmart

2009-01-20T02:53:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard already, the mysterious building that was being constructed near Markham & Steels is Walmart and it's OPEN! Actually the official grand opening is scheduled for this Wednesday January 21st, 2009. But like I said, the supposed supercentre is already open for the early birds. My dad visited the store last night and said there were approximately 150 cars in the parking lot and a lot more people inside. The setup of the store is very similar to the Supercenter Walmart in Stouffville. And rumor is, two employees for each cashier desk ?! But I have yet to take a visit. However, I can tell you now that I am very excited about this opening as this will be the closest Walmart to my house. I don't know about you, but I like Walmart and enjoy strolling through Walmart. But I will stop here 'cause when you have a brother-in-law that likes to slander Walmart and it's power to wipe out local retail chains, I have to be careful about what I write.

It's not that I like Walmart 'cause I'm cheap (okay I am, but that's despite the point). I like Walmart 'cause it's cheap. And it drives other major competition to lower their prices too (yes, I am aware of China thanks to my brother-in-law)! Nevertheless, think about it, would Loblaws be the Loblaws it is today if it wasn't for Walmart? I would love to support Loblaws more, but they don't have the same wide range of suppliers as Walmart offers. Until then, you can still find me strolling along in Walmart. Oh...don't forget to visit opening day, loads of goodies on sale I hear.

Slumdog Millionaire - A Personal Report

2009-01-19T00:16:00.000-05:00

Some people I know are still confused whether the movie, Slumdog Millionaire is a Hollywood or a Bollywood production. For once and for all, it's not a Bollywood production. So you can relax, and to be sure, it's not a Hollywood production either. The movie was directed by a British, Danny Boyle and produced by a British production company with mainly British Indian actors. Sadly, I dont know what the equivalent of Bollywood/Hollywood of England is.... perhaps, Lollywood?! If I ever find out, I will share of course. But the point is, Slumdog Millionaire is a mainstream English movie based in India with Indian characters. That being said, please try not to dismiss the movie as another shoddy attempt by Bolloywood to infiltrate Hollywood.

I watched Slumdog Millionaire about 2 weekends ago at AMC. It wasn't running at my regular go-to theatre Cineplex Morningside, which made me a bit hesitant at first. Was it worth the extra $5 I paid at AMC? Sure why not. For those that don't know the story yet, Slumdog Millionaire is about an Indian boy, Jamal Malik, who grows up in the slums of Mumbai, and one day gets the rare 'once in a lifetime' chance to be a contestant on India's version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?. The movie unfolds in flashbacks narrated by Jamal, from his childhood days in the slums with his brother, Salim, to him being brutally interrogated by police on the suspicion that he has been cheating on the show.

From the opening frame until the end, the movie had my interest captured majority of the time. What I enjoyed most about the movie was the realistic portrayal of life in India, specifically the slums of Mumbai. As horrible, and tragic some of the events of the movie were, that's India for you. Apparently, Amithabh Bachan had an outcry about India being portrayed in a deplorable manner and asked fellow Indians to boycott this movie. Someone should tell Mr. Bachan that not every story can be written so that characters are lugged off to foreign locales to sing and dance around trees. Having been to India and seen it's grimy conditions first hand, Danny Boyle has it down to a tee. The only reason the movie was able to reach out to millions of audiences was due to its realism and the powerful performances of the children.

The first half of the movie was my favourite. It tells the life of Jamal as a six year old living in dire conditions amid the stench of garbage and over flown sewers of the slums. Yet, (and this is what's incredible about the movie) dramatic emotions of humor and anguish are interlaced to create moments that will linger on your heart long after the movie ends. For instance, the scene where young Malik is determined to get the signature of a famous artist brings the house down with laughter! The young boys that play Jamal at age six, and then at 11 have given excellent performances. Actually, it would be wrong to call it performances, as this was their very reality. Danny Boyle chose children from the real slums of Mumbai to play the characters. Which in essence gives the movie it's undeniable realistic portrayal.

To sum things up, I would recommend Slumdog Millionaire to YOU! It may expose you to the many horrid facets of India, but essentially ends with hope, and a fairy-tale ending euphoria.

Maanada Mayilada

2009-01-17T08:45:00.001-05:00

'Superb, Mind-blowing, Keeeleee' Have you had the chance to watch this show yet? It's "Maanada Mayilada" from Kalainchar TV, INDIA. Loosely translated in english is Deer dance, Peacock dance...lol. Somehow the authenticity of the title is lost in english. hahha. It's my favourite tamil reality show at the moment, and this being it's 3rd season, it has gained much popularity along the way. The show has 10 couples (+ their darling choreographers) competing each other for a coveted grand price in various dance offs. But what distinguishes this show is CHARACTER. Audiences (or rather, people like me) are captivated by the many contestants through interactive commentaries. And if you can catch on to their subtle comical quirkiness, you too will appreciate this show on a romanticized level. I have come to LOVE some of the contestants on this show, they have exceptional talent and charisma! My favourites are Sateesh, Logesh, Gokul and Azar. If you are looking for something new, I highly recommend this show. I will explain more later.

Meet Lucky!

2009-01-15T21:19:00.000-05:00

I would like you to meet Lucky. That's his name and he is my boyfriend's family dog. He is a mixed breed between a poodle and a cocker spaniel, and will be celebrating his 1st birthday this April. Lucky is lucky in more than his name. First, he survived a terrible illness when he was just a pup of few weeks (the vets didn't even think he'd survive), but more importantly, he is lucky because my boyfriend's family loves him more than me. lol, Sadly..this is the truth! But that's another blog for a another day.

My first encounter with Lucky was supervised. I was horrified of dogs, and their ability to smell fear so one can imagine the horror of trying to play with a high strung 'spoiled' (yes he is spoiled) four footed creature with teeth! But sigh*...their adorable face will win you over. Ever watch the Puss in Boots in Shrek? I mean, how could that look not melt your heart. It did mine. And after several dangerous encounters, I can finally say I'm a fully capable dog lover. I hope to turn that into a dog owner soon, so Lucky gives me plenty practice.

I think everyone should adopt/ buy a dog. Especially newly married couples before they have a baby. It will teach them a lot too. In truth, caring for a dog is like caring for your own child. They become so meshed into your lives, that you can't imagine life without them. My wish is to own a dog one day, and to name him Subramani. (remember Moondram Pirai?)

Speaking of Stealing Headlines...

2009-01-15T20:35:00.000-05:00

A snapshot of the US Airway passenger jet that 'landed' in the waters of Hudson River (near the Statue of Liberty).

This is the major headline of all the news media today, and will probably remain so until tomorrow. And of course the Canadian media is on top of it too! (Check out, thestar.com or citynews.ca). It will be interesting to note what the news media will choose to focus on this time since there were no causalities. Maybe the horrors of flying during the recession because the airline industry is cutting back on maintenance costs? lol. In any case, does this make me a hypocrite? Because I chose to blog about this first too. Quick...I need a new post!

Official Media Hater

2009-01-15T02:11:00.000-05:00

It was near the end of high school that I began to acknowledge myself as a well-read person versed in current national and international affairs. Despite my then beggarly income of $10 a week for allowance, I'd still manage to buy the latest issue of the Times Magazine from time to time. In reality, there was no preference to Times, just that the magazine felt important, and I was ready to read what's important. I also read newspapers and sat through news programs, a rather unpopular activity among teenagers during my days, maybe even now but I can't know.

Fast forward several years, violent natural disasters, feeble wars and erratic weather forecasts, the media's big story today is the economy. Everywhere, you hear, see and read the instability and the withering of the world economy and in turn the Canadian economy. "Today TSX down 200 points, consumer confidence falls to an all time low, Jim Flaherty probes federal deficit, blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!!!"F***! I'm tired of all this frivolous nonsense!!! I was first introduced to this concept by Michael Moore, the idea of first instilling fear into ordinary people who will then turn around and do what you tell them. This worked for Bush, when he skillfully manipulated the American public through fear of terrorist attacks to sanction the war in Afghanistan and Iraq. Advertising companies have been the forerunners of this ploy, subjecting an already dejected population into believing mere material attainment will lead to true happiness and security.

After years of accessing vital information through the media, I can honestly say that I am sick of their daily tantrums. Yes, people are losing their jobs, and Yes, the economy is not good, but it's not the end of the world, If you had visited your local mall this past holiday, it's not as gloom and doom as the convincingly conniving little *BEEP* make it out to be. People are still smiling. We're not AMERICANS. They have their own problems and we have our own. I know they have it more interesting, but that doesn't mean we have to steal their headlines. I pledge today, that I will not watch or the read the newspaper again for trivial matters but read and watch indepth articles (national geographic) and programs (the National on CBC) from hereon.

Next time you are watching the news, ask yourself this question "why the **** is the coverage on major headlines so short, but murders and accidents get repeated coverage?". Murder victims have been reduced to mere statistics (1st homicide of the year?). Today's media has no credibility, and are constantly inundated with horrific stories glorifying others' misery. And I refuse to be subjected to such ugliness. So it ends here.

George W. Bush is No More.

2009-01-14T04:31:00.000-05:00

No other political figure in the history of US, or any other country for that matter, had (and will continue to be for many years to come) been subjected to such scrutiny and belittlement as the now infamous President George W. Bush. Just yesterday, Bush gave the last press conference of his tenure. Sources say, he is in fact pretty content with his work in Washington, D.C, and his swift and sound judgements over the 8 years is reflected in that the United States of America has not experienced another terrorist attack since 9/11. Putting aside the fact that thousands of innocent civilians and soldiers have died in the name of defending freedom (AND capitalism), and while we are at it, we should also try to conveniently forget the invasion of Iraq on baseless claims of Iraq harbouring weapons of mass destruction. If we can do all this (and maybe more), then maybe, just maybe, we can see where Bush is coming from. To be honest, Bush and his foreign policies are pretty much...well....'foreign' to me. I'm not going to pretend to know anything more than this, or I may run the risk of pulling a Bush myself...errgh. But at any cost, we can still rent Fahrenheit 9/11 whenever we need our dose of Bush bashing.

The 44th President of the United States of America is waiting to take over the throne next week. President elect Barack Obama will be the first Black President in a country where only 13% of the population is Black. That's real accomplishment for our neighbours down south. Can you imagine Ceylon, if a Tamilian was elected President? That's what America has managed to accomplish since it's blackmark years of slavery. Is hope not far too fetched then?

Going back to our Georgie, what still boggles my mind till today is, if BUSH was such a GREAT IDIOT, how did he pull off being elected twice for office? Americans will have to answer that one day. Maybe I can google it in a few years?! Perhaps.... but until then, good riddens!

Villu Varanda...(this weekend)

2009-01-14T01:33:00.000-05:00

I wont do justice to this blog if my first official blogging wasn't about a Tamil movie. It's just who I am. From my early years as a six year old I loved tamil movies. And 20 years later, I still do. Varusham 16, Chinna Thambi, Rajathi Raja, and Mannan were some of my favourites. While most childeren in Germany spent their time watching CareBears, Heman and Sheman (remember?), I spent my time falling in love with Prabhu and Kushboo falling in love. My point is, no matter how corny, sentimental, or cliched tamil movies are, I still love them and will always remain a loyal fan. (EVEN if I do complain 90% of the time about the 2/3rds of the tamil movies released! They just dont make them like they used to!)Coming back to my blog title, Villu Varanda, did you know Vijay's movie titled "Villu" is now released at theatres near you? Just so you know, it's running at Woodside Theatres. No news yet whether it would be running at Eglinton Square or Town Centre. But the showtimes at Woodside are as follows, 4:30pm, 7:30pm and of course 10:30pm. This is Vijay's second movie with director Prabhudeva (yes! he is a director now, and he also directed Pokiri, so this is not news people!), and his first movie with Nayanthara as his leading lady. All the critics suggest I walk the other way, and if time permits (ONLY if time permits) watch it on DVD, but what becomes of my world if I can't even watch a Vijay's movie at the theatre? I don't want to know, not just yet anyways.

Chances are... you'll see me this Saturday at the 10:30 show (that's when all the single 'men' come *wink) and if you run into me after the movie, I'd be blatantly swearing off tamil movies FOREVER, but then and again, I'd be there again in a few weeks time, 'cause did you hear Rajini's new movie is with Aishwaray Rai? Note: If you do end up going to Woodside, try their Somosas at break time. Make sure to get it with their infamous sauce, it's THE champion of somosa sauces! You wont find this at Somosa King, so don't bother. Sure, you don't get 5 for your dollar, BUT unlimited supply of sauce awaits your order. Nice deal ya?

Why I am the way I am, I may never know!

2009-01-13T02:34:00.000-05:00

If you are reading this, you know who I am. I don't fancy myself in being popular, nor do I make friends easily. So chances are, you are either considered family or part of my dwindling set of friends. But whoever you may be, welcome to my blog! First, thanks for clicking on the link I sent to come see what this is all about. You did your part. My part now is to make you keep coming back. Why? No, Google is not paying me. Although, I have read this can be done! That being said, if in the near future you see any ads on my blog, it was not intentional.

To begin, my boyfriend, who I spend approximately 2hrs a day (of course spread through out the day ) talking to, did not even knwo I was contemplating on starting a blog. He was included in the email with everyone else. I'm only making reference to this just to point out how random this was, and I chose to point him out, since he 'spends' the most time with me, and should have known about this venture. But he didn't, and obviously neither did you. so ta-daaaa.

Okay, if you have EVER asked yourself "hmmm, I wonder what Shalini is up to", you are now only a click away from finding out. Because this, ladies and gentlemen, is my answer to 'facebook mania'. And I can happily say, 'bug off facebook, I dont need you'.

Friends (lol, I remind myself of Vijay whenever I say that), I hope you will visit me again. I may not have a PhD, nor that law degree that I had once wished for, BUT I AM constantly trying to understand and unravel this thing we call 'life'. SO, just in case I have , you should check back in ...*wink